Warning to all mums

So you haven't been "discarded", they are just being adults living busy lives. Why be so melodramatic about it? You did a good job raising independent adults. Be proud of yourself and go find some friends/hobbies/dates.

My DH sees his mum atleast twice per week. Si I guess it depends on the relationship.

I'm raising my kids so they can live an independent and successful life. I'd hate if they felt they had to live near us or were obliged to change their life plans to please us.
Having said that, I absolutely expect a relationship and keeping in touch. When that doesn't happen I think it's really tragic.

She might mean with two x airfares and accommodation.

I think similarly.

I think one of the problems is, without detail as to what has happened, people project their own issues.

Where my partner has to be nagged to get in touch with his dad who lives 10 mins from him.

My job as a mum was to enable my children to live without me (as they will have to when I'm gone). They are all managing this admirably, having their own lives and families. I still see as much of them as I want to (even the one in Australia) but we don't rely on constant contact. I am there for them as they are there for me, we all know that quietly.

I am happy that i have done my job and sent them out into the world without needing my approval or my presence in everything they do.

I agree , my dh calls his dm every day almost. sees her at least 2x a week. My own df and his brothers spoke or saw their dm regularly. It's absolute nonsense that saying " a son is a son til he gets a wife". I see my parents regularly or speak on the phone I'm a parent to 2 adults now myself. I am also a young mum ish I don't expect that when they eventually move out that they need constant contact with me . Eldest is 24 all I want for them is to be independent and happy

There is literally nowhere in the world that costs 10k to visit. Even if she's gone to Australia/NZ you can get flights for £1500 each, probably less with advance planning and a couple of weeks in an Airbnb (assuming she's not got space to put you up) isn't costing 7 grand surely?

It sounds like you are busy and they are busy. What does your son say if you suggest meeting up for lunch or coffee?

Op, your message isn't true for all mums.

I have two adult sons.
One has a partner the other split from his 6 months ago.
We see and hear from them loads during the week.
Dh is working on a project with ds2 in their spare time and ds1 joins in.

With ds1 me and dh go on long hikes at the weekend and during an evening in the week. He has two dogs and I have three so we do this all year round.
All 5 of of us go to quiz nights, meals out, the theatre, pub etc. Not always all of at the same time, but sometimes for a particular event.

Ds2 drives past our house on the way home from work and will often pop in for a brew. He won't always stop long mid week as he has a partner he has to get back to inless she is working away.

Both lads are buying their own home and have lived away from us for years. One left at 17 and came back for a few months and left again. Other son left at at 21 and started buying his home at 22.

Ds1 is the organiser and always making plans and ds2 is very prote time of me.

Op I'm not sure whats happeed that your kids dont stay in contact much, but do you reach out to them eg face time them and ask about their lives and sound excited and interested by what they are doing.

Ive reduced contact with my mum as for decades she will talk about herself in the phone and then say ' anyway, Ive got to go, glad you're ok' without even asking if im ok. She never calls me unless it's bad news. Its not a new thing she's been like this forever and still holds stupid things I did in my mid teen yeas against me ( im frigging 60!!!)

Op, im not saying you've done anything wrong but have you done any self reflection. Maybe youve got selfish children but are you sure you are not negative, critical or judgement of their choices. I know I always try to think before I speak, especially with one of them who reads too much into things I say sometimes.

It’s fair to say that you do need your own life outside of being a mum.

I have not discarded my parents, nor has
my sister or either of our husbands. All
my friends and cousins are in regular contact with their parents.

Well I see my DM regularly and my young adult DCs phone me most days.

My husband and his brother speak to their mum several times a week and we see them at least once. My own brother is in frequent contact with my mum and sees her often and when my grandmother was alive both my dad and his brother were very close to her. Honestly it's just stereotypical nonsense that boys and men drop their mum as soon as they grow up.

We're only hearing one side of the story here. It may be well from the OPs view point nothing has happened but her DC may well have a different view point.

And also - my parents didnt prioritise extravagant holidays, never been to Disney, never had fancy birthday parties. In fact, quite the opposite. A very very normal, low income childhood.

No, it doesnt happen to everyone.

Im in my 40s, have my own family and live 150 miles away from my mum (and dad). She is my best friend and I see them and speak to her as often as I can. My brothers are the same - moved away but still see them as often as possible and speak several times a week on the phone. We choose to holiday together, spend Christmases together. Both of my sister in laws are close to ther parents as well.

My husband, however, rarely sees or speak to his parents - and that's because they aren't very nice people

I am sorry this has happened to you but it doesnt happen to everyone

Well I'm not the poster you're replying to but I absolutely adore my in laws and we spend loads of time with them. I actually suggest seeing them / inviting them to stuff more than my DH does. But I don't see it as any different as spending time with my own family or good friends?! They're just people who I love and get on with and enjoy being around 😊

Now that sounds a bit insular tbh. How do your partners feel with having to spend so much time with in laws

This is a really helpful and supportive response.

My brother ‘gravitated back’ to my parents every week for a roast 😂. Now we are both married with kids we are as close as ever. Spend holidays all together, weekends, activities. Can’t imagine either of us abandoning our parents.

If they’re creating good lives for themselves and are happy and fulfilled, job done. You have to learn to take a step back.

I guess the cruel irony is that as our kids grow up and spread their wings they need us less when we actually start to need them more.

If your children don’t leave and become independent functioning adults then you have done something wrong. Sorry OP but that’s just the way of it - did you think it would be any different? Do you make a lot of effort with them? Are you quite demanding of their time? There is always two sides to every story

Did you read a different OP to me? She said there had not been and fall out and she hardly heard from them NOT them not wanting to be near her.

All these people saying they are talking to their mums every 5 mins, well yes you are the DDs. How many of your husbands and partners are ringing their mums daily etc? I suspect the percentage is must lower. My DDs often ring or WhatsApp with little snippets, my DS only to ask a question rather than just chat.. Maybe the OP has sons

No problem in relationship with any of them

Although to be honest although I got on very well with my mum I didn't have time to be ringing her everyday ( what we would talk about so often I don't know ) . She wasn't " discarded" merely the relationship had moved to 2 adults rather than adult/ child