Warning to all mums

God I can’t wait to be “discarded”! I have had to curtail my exciting life and job massively to be there for my kid and can’t wait for him not to need me anymore! With kindness, it’s time for you to get a hobby and start enjoying your life for you OP! Xx

OP, how old are they? Maybe they're busy with life but they might yet come back to you. There is an age when you take your parents for granted but changes as you get older and have kids of their own.

I’m just glad that my DC are independent. We speak every 2-3 weeks and other than that they are busy, living their lives as they should be. I’m sure I was the same at their age.

Nope. Am another one who speak to my parents weekly. Dad lives close by so see him weekly, probably every month/couple of months for my mum but she is further away. I am 40 with my own family.

Tbh I kind of think you make the decision to become a parent because you're prepared to do these things for your kids because that's the life they deserve. I don't expect to hold my good parenting over my child's head when he's older, I hope I can foster a good relationship with him into adult hood that he wants to continue that with me and as a lone parent I intend to try to keep my own life as fulfilled as possible in other ways so I'm not depending on ds to meet my emotional needs.

My mum would probably write similar and she has real issues with boundaries and respect.

Hmmm, I suspect you're the issue here, not the kids..

My DM can be very difficult; I still text her every day and see her and DF every few weeks, often more regularly depending on what’s going on.

I’m sorry for what’s happened to you and I hope it doesn’t last, but your experience is not universal.

Why not ring your DC and invite them home for the weekend, out to lunch or ask to visit them?

The tone of your OP is very transactional; DC don’t owe you their time because you took them to Disneyland. If they’re teens or twenties they’ll just be busy and will be in touch more when they’re a bit older.

In your shoes I’d ring them once a week and find fulfilling hobbies as you get older.

ALL of your children have discarded you? And none of them have given any indication why?

Until I did fall out with dad (he was difficult) I used to phone a lot and go travel 350 miles to see them every six weeks, despite working a job with very long hours. Saw them every Xmas and tried to make their birthdays. Mum and I were very close even into my adulthood, she was a lovely, kind person. My brothers though barely bothered to go see them because of dad. I do think parents have some part to play in the lack of visiting, if really truthful.

My dd1 is 18. It’s a huge source of pride for me that she’s planning her future now. It’s right that I won’t, at some point, be that constant in her life because she’ll have her own life. That’s entirely the point.

But I won’t be “discarded”. My role in her life will be different, and I think that’s okay.

I’m 37 and see my mum more than ever, she’s far from discarded. Still holiday together at least once a year too.

How old are they now? I am very close to Mum now and have been since I was around 28 but between my teenage years and then I was very much doing my own thing and would go weeks and weeks without seeing her. No fall out just me being very self absorbed and very busy at work and with my social life and travel.

I bet you guilt trip them about it and make passive aggressive comments.
You want them to be dependent on you and can't cope with them having their own success and happiness. You hold them responsible for your happiness. And maybe they are distant because you've been emotionally dependent on them their whole lives and they're sick of it.
You sound like my mum.
Be happy for them. Be helpful (with no strings attached). Enjoy your life, hobbies friends.

Tbh I don't know your circumstances but you sound exactly like my mum who after 40 years for my own sanity and peace of mind I had to go no contact with, my own adult children haven't discarded me however we are very close and the older 2 who have moved out years ago still come for tea once a week and raid the snack cupboard like they still live here. I'm sorry you feel that way x

Do you ever message them first? My mum never initiates so now we’re at an impasse because I’m not going to beg.

Such a shame for you but not true here either

This is your experience. Not all mums. I certainly haven't discarded my mum.

I think you might have an exceptional mom. Not many people are that lucky. I’m happy for you and your mom. It’s sounds like a beautiful mother daughter relationship.

Ahh I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. We all know from our own experience of growing up and leaving home, that we never thought about our mums remotely as much as we now know they will have been thinking about us. I’ve not reached that stage but there must be sorrow in that at times, amongst many other emotions including pride that you raised them to that point.

I don’t know if it helps but try to remember when you left home and the world was so much more exciting than safe, familiar mum. Just continue what you always have done - giving to them - but now what they need is for you to be happy for them, and be there if they need you. That really is love if you can offer them that, despite your own wishes to be with them all the time. I hope in time your new life starts to fill with new and exciting things for you.

I see my parents and my in laws every single week. I am in contact with my mum nearly every day. I'm married, have a child and don't live that close anymore.

I have a sibling who sees my parents nearly every day.

I have another sibling who sees my parents rarely, only instigates when they want something.

I'm sorry OP, it's really shit that this has happened to you.

I talk to my mum at least once a week, see her about once a month (would love it to be more if distance allowed) and regularly stay with her. WhatsApp most days probably.

I didn’t have trips to Disney, but she is a fab combination of loving, fun and practical.

Not true of my mum's kids. All 3 of us speak to her daily and see her weekly at least.

I speak to my mum every day, spend at least one night a week overnight with ger and go on holidays with her! I'm in my 30s with my own family but definitely haven't discarded her

I speak to my mum every day. Shes my best friend and im in my mid 30s with my own kids! Its definitely not inevitable!