Warning to all mums

Children are not accessories nor an extension of the mother

You mothers (or fathers) obess over being a parent it is stifling and children will have enough afrer a while

Are you my DD? 😍

Or...you did a bloody marvellous job raising your kids to be strong independent adults who can look after themselves?

That's really definitely not true. I rang my Mum nearly every day except when she was too ill to want to talk to me. When she needed to move closer to me, I found a village and house I knew she would feel safe in. When she needed a nursing home I helped my Dad to find one. When she needs me to ring there, I ring.

Isn't that the whole point of parenting? To make sure they manage to live their own lives?

Sure, it'd be nice if they include you in that.. but the whole point is the chick fledges and leaves the nest.

We shouldn't be in this with the view that anything we do for them means they OWE us anything once they've done so.

I don't agree with that OP. Some families may have this dynamic but not mine.

I disagree. My mum would have written what you have and she was absolutely stifling when I was a child, and really all my life. The burden of expectation was huge. Of course I therefore made huge efforts to give my children the tools to be independent, useful adult humans and they are. Live independent lives but usually I speak to them 4/5 times a week. We spend time together doing things we love. I expect nothing because it's unfair to push your need onto your children.

Do you have boys OP? I do think a much higher % of sons, as apposed to daughters, are poor at maintaining contact.
So sorry you are feeling discarded.

Since when do children know the value of money? How does having the best of everything (whatever that means) and multiple trips to Disney equate to solid relationships?

Are your kids young adults, OP? If they are, then I suggest to hang in there for a few more years. I doubt that they've discarded you, but they're probably having fun and enjoying their independence. I think I was the same when I was in my twenties - my parents were somewhat "out of sight, out of mind". Eventually I matured, stopped being so thoughtless, and made more effort to see them. I see my mum every week now, speak to her regularly on the phone and am in almost daily WhatsApp contact, so there's hope yet!

lol not true at all. I am 31, baby on the way, moved away from home 3 years ago but FaceTime my mum 20 times a day and stay at hers for a night every 3 weeks. I am obsessed with her, she’s my bestie and probably gets sick of me being so clingy. We live close by to my in laws and see them weekly too - by choice!!

It varies. Some great parents seldom see their kids, some awful parents have their children dancing attendance on them, doing everything for them, even if they were feckless and emotionally abusive. Life isn't always fair. We've moved on from the days of thinking a woman is a bad wife if her husband mistreats her-we now blame him, like we should! Yet some people act as if parents always get what they deserve, as in if they've been good and loving, they'll have great adult relationships. Sometimes, yes. Not always-and that's before we consider things like illness, poverty, and if the kids have had to move far away.

You seek to equate spending lots of money with being a good parent…

Maybe the message here is to give love and not money.

It sounds like you spoiled them too much, to the point of them becoming entitled. Part of parenting is raising them to be nice, thoughtful people not just lavishing them with gifts, parties and extravagant holidays.

Alternatively, you’ve raised independent young folk who are out there doing their thing

Maybe the warning should be don't over spoil your kids.

Have they really discarded you - or are you expecting/asking more than they can give?

If they have, all of them, have you considered that the common denominator is you, rather than them?

What do you suggest people do to heed your warning - not give their children the best they can, not provide food, clothing, housing, education, enjoyable experiences, birthday parties. I mean why not feed them on gruel and small beer and clothe them in rags and boot them out at the first opportunity you get.

Sounds like you did a good job. They’re independent and no longer need you. They’ll be back once they have children of their own.

My mam was an alcoholic and looking back a bit mental. She was neglectful
and abusive, she left me altogether when I was 14 and I came to see her 5 years later, and spent years trying to have a relationship with her. I was 40 by the time I got it through my thick head that she wasn’t even capable of caring about me and my kids.
One of my daughters is schizophrenic and is obsessed with how much she hates me so fair enough, I don’t see her but she’s very ill, we used to be so close. My other daughter is 21 and a police woman, she’s busy with her job and has a nice boyfriend who takes up a lot of her time, (like they do) but she still comes over at least 2 nights a week and we meet for dinner and stuff. I hear from her every day as well, text messages. I think every family are different, I have heard about this situation that you’ve mentioned with people a lot but it’s not everyone.

Sorry OP, I can't agree.
My mum is 96 and in a care home.
I see her at least three times a week, it's a pleasure not a chore.
She's given me so much in my life, it's the least I can do for her in her final years.

Op I’m sorry you’re feeling this- I feel for my mum, we all married and couldn’t afford to live near her and she doesn’t see us enough because we’re all exhausted with work and kids and she can’t travel due to physical issues. I regret it and hope to make it right but it’s hard.

You seem like a wonderful mum. Have you looked into fostering? Your kids will value you one day when you’re not there or when they need help. They’ll remember.

I was born late 60s. Had the stereoypical feral childhood of the 70s and 80s. Latchkey, walk it off, out until dark etc and I never abandoned my mother.

Why are you talking about money and not talking about love OP?