Warning to all mums

You haven’t said if your kids are men/ women. I think this is particularly true with sons, in fact there’s a saying that’s been around for years and years! A son is a son until he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter all her life.

Mumsnet hates this saying and I expect an influx of how ridiculous and untrue it is. Of course not always the case but I think there’s a lot of truth to it. But most children , including daughters do fly the nest and do become busy with their own lives. There will probably be times they need you more and other times they need you less.

Sorry , hadn't read the full thread. Assumed it was the usual pile on about sons not loving their mothers ( though they do and then they are called mumm'ys boys by their wives). Can't win .Sorry if things aren't going well with your family OP.
Maybe try to set up a tradition - like xmas in July ( that's an Aussie one ) but something like that where you all get together for a few days once a year?

I feel the op is really quite sad and upset yet so many posts telling her how great their relationship is with their mum- give her a break!

Not in my experience and my oldest is 31. He is more likely to ring me and he and his fiancee visit whenever they can. I'd say he rings once a fortnight. And then you add in the others, it's a lot of calls. We have a family chatgroup as well Same with my 20somethings. xmas there's 10 of us. I obviously understand that they will start doing alternate xmas's but that's no problem. I'll probably snore happily through the whole thing when it's "not my year" with the xmas movies on and sip Baileys!.
Oh and my 4 are all sons.Total loves of my life, but we moved 2 hours away, they didn't. We've had huge parties here, they can call in when they are heading home ( one does a lot of camping). They ring if I've had a medical appt to check on the results. I adore all their GF's. It's worked out really well here, but we did have a psychotic gf for a while which almost blew my family apart and I was close to discarding that son if he didn't get rid of her. He eventually did ( not because of me) and has a baby with a lovely woman now . She texts me tbh almost too frequently , but they are normally photos of my gorgeous grandbaby so I make time.
No complaints here. Sons are the best, in my admittedly limited experience, for keeping up with whats going on with mum. I know a lot of women who are not close to their mums at all but very few men who aren't close to their mums. Just my experience

The OP doesn’t need to know what wonderful relationships posters have with their parents. It may be ‘honest’ but it’s unlikely to be helpful to her as she’s obviously suffering and in a lot of emotional pain

i haven’t read every post as there are so many, but it would certainly be helpful to have more information from the OP about the situation. Are her children sons, daughters or a mixture? If her children are daughters then hers is a less usual situation as so many of these posts reflect. Sons are often more likely to have reduced contact as they build their own family units unless their wife or partner is supportive,
and actively encourages them to do so.

I'm so sorry OP. It must be difficult if you feel you gave so much, but are not getting much back.

If there is no fall out, they might just be busy with their lives - work, kids, managing a home etc. It all feels so much harder for younger people now. If you want to be a part of their lives, you might see if you can (or want) to offer support or fit in with what they are already doing e.g. take grandkids out for a few hours and build relationships with them, cook a meal. It might seem one sided, but you might have time right now which they don't.

My mum's life is very different to mine. She has rarely worked, is financially secure etc. She wants a lot of contact and really struggles with understanding the fact her kids are very very busy just trying to stay afloat!

This is a really unfair message. I’m sure this does happen to innocent parents who did nothing but their best .. but it’s definitely not the majority.

You have them possessions and experiences , did you talk to them?

A parent has done their job right if a child turns into a confident adult, who goes out into the world and is no longer dependent on their parents. To look at it another way.

That sounds really tough. I think a lot of parents feel the same once their kids grow up. They still love you, but they get busy with their own lives and families. It doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten you. You did a lot for them, and that still matters — they’ll probably realise it more as they get older.

There's a difference between kids growing up and rarely hearing from them, though. I'm sure most parents on here would find that upsetting.

I hate to think of how hurt OP must have been to the responses to her on this thread. She was clearly feeling low.

As they should. They are not discarding you, they are growing up. Never make your life just your husband and your children. You need to have a life outside the home and keep your career wherever possible or build a new one. They still love you. They are young adults and building their own lives.

I’m sorry to hear that but it’s not true for everyone.

My mum is my best friend, I speak to her multiple times a day.

I hope you have good friends around you for support.

Same and I'm in my 50s. They always come here for a couple of weeks over Christmas too.

DH takes his mum to lunch every week and we often pop round at other times.

And we are close to our 2 adult DSs

That's true, she's a very extreme example. I just happened to be reading about her today.

Yeah I'm afraid you've fooled no one there, other than other "woe is me my child abandoned me even though I'm a perfect mummy" types.

Let them. And do what you want to do in life. What hobbies and passions you have that you could now fully get into since your children are grown up and away? Embrace this time in your life. This is an opportunity for something greater than just being someone's mum. I personally call my mother maybe every three months. Not all families are close and that's OK.

Sorry you feel 'discarded' OP - that sounds miserable.

Were you close to your parents and in-laws as you children have been growing up?

There's a reason why the long-running threads for adult children of abusive parents are called "But we took you to Stately Homes" ...

Three adult children here and I don’t feel discarded in any way

It's arrogant to assume your own experiences are the same as others really.

No, not always the case.
I speak to my mother every 2 days. DH speaks to his about every 4 days.

So then you must expect to find it difficult when life changes and kids grow and move on ..

The only thing you talk of is material contributions when it comes to their childhood

Perhaps you taught them the price of everything, but the value of nothing

I have three adult children and accept that they are all doing their lives now. It is hard to let go but they all know where their parents are and luckily we hear from them fairly regularly plus we give lots of practical and child support for one .
One in Oz and hit and miss with his contact but we know him well! Am wizzing out to Australia 2 weeks today ❤️Am not going to lie…so excited 🥳