Warning to all mums

Just because it is happened to you like that, it does not mean that is the norm, as proven by many other posters.
You must have done something really wrong for them to not to want be near you. Things always happen for a reason.
The fact that your are unable to identify what that might have been, seems to indicate there may be some mental health issues at play. You need help urgently before things get worse.

Nope. My mum was my best friend until she died 2 years ago. I spoke to her every day and saw her most weekends.

I sympathise with you OP but my mum is mentally unstable (through no fault or choice of her own) so for myself and my siblings there is a reason to keep a cordial distance. Extravagant holidays and parties do not a happy child make. My parents also took us on holidays. But that doesn't make up for my mum's mental health issues and excessively controlling behaviour.

Id rather my kids had and enjoyed their own lives. Id obviously like them to chat and see me as I'll miss them. They didn't have flash birthday parties and have never been to Disneyland but I don't expect repayment. You say a lot about how much cash you spent on them. Maybe they think money is love so are busy trying to make some.

I was away to post something similar to this but this is much better put! I'm not saying this is you OP, but too often you see mums on here, compeltey martyr themselves, drop all their friends, have no life outside their children and devote all their energy, time and do everything for their children. They then pop up on the teenager board, bewildered and moaning they're lonely because their teenagers would rather spend time with their friends.

I'm not saying it's normal to not speak to your parents. In fact me and my husband see and speak to our parents several times a week. But I'm not sure what's happened in your case but quite often children have become completely suffocated by their parents and need their own space and life.

To me that sounds like you gave them a lovely childhood, but the whole point of parenting is to rear strong independent adults , who can survive and thrive on their own .

”They still do everything for him - laundry, cooking, cleaning, the lot.”

Well then they are part of the problem. If they keep doing this and allowing his disrespect, mess and taking them for granted it will continue. Time to tell him to do his own washing and cooking, stop cleaning up his mess etc.

Moral of the story is that if you bring your children up to believe that the world revolves around them and do everything to make life easier for them, they will believe their needs always come first and will consider you less. Hopefully as they mature more they may appreciate what you have done for them. There’s a balance to be struck between supporting and helping your kids, while also helping them to understand they are not the only members of the family.

I'm 36 and talk to my mum everyday 😆

I left home, had a horrible upbringing and bad childhood and I still talk to my mum. I text her everyday and go around hers regularly. I’d live to hear your kids side of the story because adult kids usually don’t cut off their mum or go low contact for no reason.

Sorry that you’re feeling upset but I think raising independent adults is a credit to you and to try and reframe how you look at it. Easier said than done I know. Your kids will always be grateful for all you’ve done for them but it is natural for them to step away into their own lives now, as they are independent. You can be so proud of the people you raised.
On the other hand, I know of a family with a son in mid-30s whom has never worked and has only ever lived at home. His life is small & sad, and he is very disrespectful of his parents. He takes living there rent free for granted & leaves a mess everywhere. They still do everything for him - laundry, cooking, cleaning, the lot. I’m sure it’s not how they imagined the early days of their retirement to be! They’ve worry what will happen to him when they’re gone.

Sorry you are feeling this way. There is another thread about MIL coming to stay once a month and everyone was telling the OP that she needs to cut this as it's unacceptable. So yeah I guess a lot of people do think that seeing parents 4 times a year is sufficient.

Yes, MN is the worst place for anyone to go if they feel low.

My stepson and his girlfriend are cheerfully living with his mum and see them a lot. So no, not all.

Sorry that you are going through such a shit time and have also had so many unkind responses xx

Do you mean you NRVER see or hear from them OP?

You’ll see them again when the grandchildren arrive!!

I think it's a bad idea to bring children up in the hope that they'll always 'belong' to you. It's a good sign if they are independent. You can let them know you'd like to see them or hear from them more than you do but you can't demand it.

I’m 35 and we’re currently living with my parents for a few months while our house gets renovated. We see them most days usually too.

You seem to have confused giving children material things with what they really need.

Our children should leave and have fulfilled lives. I’m sure you haven’t been discarded just needed less. That’s life.

It’s our job as parents to ensure our children can grow up and leave us. I’m sure my mum would like me still to be living at home - but nope, I knew at 20 I had to go. Don’t trash your life for children knowing they are inevitably going to leave.

I remember that post from a mum who was so upset her 30 yo children didnt invite her over for their Halloween party and how she initially planned to just turn up, among other posts.

Maybe your children are ungrateful, or maybe they were feeling suffocated, or maybe you are overdramatising they made choices you dont approve of to live their own lives. Or maybe something in between, we will never know.

Did you read my previous replies? 😁