…to talk to my friends about personal stuff

In my early 20s I had a crush on one of my boyfriend’s friends. VERY STUPIDLY, I told my abusive mum about it !! Of course you can guess what happened next

it causes endless hurt and pain, just don’t.

Nice "friends"..

I think the key to this is "a few friends". How many is a few? And did you think they were trustworthy?

I have three female friends I would discuss this type of thing with. Two live close and I see them regularly. If one of us is struggling with something, the other two will listen, sympathise and offer suggestions. And it stays between us. What happens over coffee and cake stays over coffee and cake. But none of us ever see each others husbands to talk to, I wouldn't actually recognise one of the husbands as I haven't set eyes on him for about 10 years.

The other friend is an old school friend, we were teenagers together and discussed all sorts of teenage stuff at the time, and although we only see each other face-to-face two or three times a year, we both feel extremely comfortable with each other. And neither see each others husbands.

I can understand your DH being upset to find this out through a third person.

I don't think you were unreasonable to discuss with other female friends, that's normal. It's what happens here every single day. But someone was indiscreet, and that's your problem.

Don't confide in them again.

And yes, I do think it would do men good to discuss emotional stuff with other males, not just their partners.

I’d be very upset if DH talked to his friend about having a crush on another woman, especially it turned out that that friend was an untrustworthy blabbermouth.

I think you must have chosen the friends in which you confided spectacularly poorly, if one inadvertently blabbed it all to your DH, who now not only discovers that you had a significant crush on a coworker, but that this appears to be widely known. Pretty humiliating. Not only has talking to your friends not made you feel better, but it's made the situation worse all round.

It's not a matter of not being able to talk to your friends about personal stuff. It's a matter of choosing your confidantes carefully for their discretion and ability to hold their tongues.

Stop turning this back onto him doing friendship wrong. You screwed up here.

Your poor dh. No wonder he’s upset, if mine did that he would be in the dog house for a very long time.

I think you were really foolish to discuss this with multiple people and exclude your DH.

I can understand sharing with one, very trusted friend. I think a lot of people would do that but not mention to their spouse to avoid worrying them.

But several people? Almost guarantees at least one will mention it to their partner, or it'll get out, or a slip of the tongue will happen, or someone will presume DH knows.

In his shoes, I'd be fuming, and deeply worried tbh. To know that you were struggling so much with this massive crush you confided in multiple people about it while hiding it from me. I would imagine there's more to it than meets the eye, and be doubting your honesty.

Truthfully to find out from someone else your spouse has a huge crush on someone and you're the last to know, would be gut-wrenching, embarrassing, humiliating, and something I think many people would struggle to come back from.

You have a lot of work to do here to work through this with your DH, show him you're trustworthy, explain why you made these choices, and hope that he is willing to work through it with you.

😬
Your poor DH. I'd be so upset to hear that, and it's definitely much worse knowing it's been the gossip between your friends. So hurtful and humiliating.
People have crushes and that's normal, but no, it's not something I would have felt the need to share with anyone else, one of the reasons being the situation you are in now where one friend just couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Talk to ChatGPT about it instead. I suspect that if a friend told you your DH was banging on about how much he fancied a colleague you'd not be best pleased.

I agree with the first reply, but I'd probably go further and say this is what a therapist is for.

I think talking to a few friends about this was unwise. At most, I’d have spoken to one trusted and discreet friend who understood it was to go no further.

i’m not surprised your DH is upset.