…to talk to my friends about personal stuff

I think you're being very unreasonable to try and turn this back on him by complaining he doesn't lay himself bare emotionally to his friends. He's done literally nothing wrong.

I agree with this.

Plus, it sounds like this 'crush' had become a topic of general conversation for you and these friends, which is all a bit disrespectful to him. Especially if he were close enough to just walk into the room. How much time exactly do you need to devote to talking about some bloke at work you fancy? I mean, unless there was something new to say, what exactly are you talking about/saying about him?

I agree you should be able to be open but extremely discreet. It's tricky though because sometimes there is no one to talk to. If I'm having issues with DH i don't feel I could talk to anyone really openly and this is hard for me sometimes. Many of my friends are DH friends too and it feels very disloyal. My sister thinks the sun shines out his ass so would always jump to his defence. What I'm saying is in your position I probably would not have told anyone about the crush because there was no one suitable to tell. Sometimes you have to keep things to yourself too.

Only he’s not. He’s just not blabbing about his fantasies about a colleague to all and sundry, including someone who deliberately told the OP.

I’m not sure the ‘talking to friends’ is the main problem here. If I was your DH I’d be considering my future in this relationship. You seem completely oblivious to the enormity of what you’ve admitted to him.

My feelings exactly

If you have to tell someone your most private embarrassing stuff, choose someone who you absolutely and utterly trust

Not someone who is really good friends with your DH and has strong loyalty to him too

If you need to share stuff, maybe do it anonymously on a chatboard. Oh, I don't know. Mumsnet?

Why would you expect your DH to be OK with the fact that a) you've been acting like a lovesick puppy over another man, b) all your friends now know this and have been looking at him thinking 'Poor bloke, he's got no idea his wife's getting her rocks off thinking about another man' and c) this was humiliatingly revealed to him by your friend when you were both gossiping about it - apparently while your DH was right there in the house?

Unless your DH has got a cuckold kink, none of what you've described was ever likely to go down well.

Of course everyone needs someone to confide in but you shouldn't have been cheerfully chatting about your crush with all sundry. One, ultra-trusted person maybe (or at the very least, someone who doesn't actually know your DH) but not several friends and certainly not one who is, apparently, a total cunt. And not while your DH was in the bloody house.

I think you're being very unreasonable to try and turn this back on him by complaining he doesn't lay himself bare emotionally to his friends. He's done literally nothing wrong.

Agree with others that you need to be very careful what you tell friends. I find that most people share things and aren’t actually very discreet.

It makes it awkward if she is godparent to your child, but at the end of the day, your DH and DC are the ones you need to be considering here.

She may be depressed, or going through a difficult time, but right now she has caused you a problem that you are now needing to put right.

You don't have to "do" anything as far as she is concerned, other than don't initiate contact and be busy if she contacts you. Avoid one-to-one or small group meet-ups and stay politely distant at larger group meetups.

Distance yourself a bit?

I would do more than distance myself, I would stay well clear, and she wouldn't be back round my house again - as much for DH's feelings as anything.

If you know you over share, then remember how this made you feel and try to use it to keep a check on yourself when you find yourself wanting to share personal info.

That isn't an accident, at all.

I wouldn't bother speaking to her about it at all. Just cut her off and leave it at that.

I talk to my closest friends about all sorts of personal stuff but they've been my friends a long time and I know that they would never in a million years talk to my DH about what we've discussed! You need better friends!

Oof, awkward as arse. Poor DH.

Distance yourself a bit?! She's essentially tried to ruin your marriage OP. I'd be doing a bit more than distance.

What was the remark the friend made?

This is the sort of thing I'd only speak about with my ride or die, the one person on earth I trust as much as I trust my husband. I definitely wouldn't talk to "a few" friends. The more people you talk to, the less secure your secret!

Talking about problems - healthy, good, everyone should have an outlet

Talking about problems to multiple people and then being surprised it gets out - bit silly

Your friend isn’t the friend you thought she was. I’d be furious.

I can understand your DH being upset, but I can also understand why you confided in someone. I might have left it at one friend though. The fact that you discussed it with several people reduces the situation to gossip.

You should be able to talk to friends. Your DHs feelings are also valid, I'd feel pretty humiliated in his position. The issue here is who you trusted with the info, I wouldn't be sharing anything personal with the friend that brought it up again. Why would she do that?

I think it's fine to tell a trusted friend you have a crush on someone. Obviously you picked the wrong friend. I wouldn't tell my DH I had a crush on someone.

Who else might your ‘friend’ have told that you have a crush on someone else?

Yes this as well!

not sure if he as forgiving as you OP!!