Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

Died young of cirrhosis unfortunately.

Yes - my friends brother. Lovely guy had a great career, but after a messy breakup He turned to the booze. He died in his early 40s with his sons carrying his coffin. Heartbreaking.

Some people say that if alcohol was discovered yesterday it would be illegal
Not a bad idea methinks!!

I have the loveliest life but it could be much nicer. I am retired and have no mortgage and plenty of money. I have 2 kids who I’ve helped to have their own houses. I am an alcoholic and i am horrified by that. I drink only from 4pm onwards until bed. It affects my life badly. My mother and most of my family were alcoholics by today’s standards my mother in particular. She said to me when i was young ‘i don’t trust people who don’t drink they are boring’ anyway i am suffering i think from generational abuse. My mother in particular. When i get to 10 days with no alcohol i feel free. Then i go back to it. I don’t know how to break free. Meanwhile i love so many things in life. I want something to flick that switch that stops it.

An old friend. Would drink beer in the pub and take a bottle of wine home. He turned up one day Simpsons yellow. We convinced him to seek help and he made it through. His cirrhosis was hiding a cancer in his liver, and he died from that in the end despite several years of being sober.

I knew one at work. Will leave out his most outing details as it's a tragic life, he wasn't a very nice person tbh, but alcoholic wise he died aged 42 after repeatedly saying his grandparents smoked and drank and lived to their 80s. He looks twenty years older than 42.

My dad, ruined his liver and kidneys but he refused dialysis and eventually the lack of kidney function led to his death. But he was 89 at the time, and managed to live a relatively normal life.

My partner of four years is over twenty years sober. Still goes to a meeting at least once a week, does "acts of service" as the meetings require him to.

He knows I would end our relationship if he ever had a drink, even though I have never known him drink.

I barely drink, but both my parents drank every day, probably three drinks (3-6 units), and I suspect were alcoholics, though not drunks. Both lived to 83 and died of pretty normal things, though likely exacerbated by alcohol (bowel, stomach and lung cancer - dad; perforated bowel, peritonitis and ultimately heart failure - mum)

My mum. She died.

My husband. He can go weeks without beer but as soon as he's off work he will happily have 12 pints of Heineken in one session. This will go on for a few days until he gets to the point hes just so hungover he moped about clearing his throat constantly and "having a lie down" (sleeping it off while I deal with everything). He's been like this for the 25 years we've been together

My sister died in her 50s of a gastrointestinal haemorrhage. Awful way to go. She was high functioning, kind, respectable but there were a lot of secrets and lies. Your husband is the only person who can change himself and you are the only person who can really put your child first. He can’t do that when he is in the throes of addiction.

This is the best decision you will make for you and your child OP, but you do likely have a long and stressful road ahead of you.
I left my ex-husband 5 years ago when our child was small and he has spiralled out of control ever since. As he lived alone, there was nobody to call him out or tell him he’d had enough and his drinking worsened. Since we split, he hasn’t been able to hold down a job due to his drinking, so I receive no maintenance. I had to supervise visits quite soon after we split as he lied about how much he was drinking, and would turn up drunk or not at all. I stopped telling our child when we were due to meet him so it wouldn’t hurt them if he didn’t show up. If he did show up in a state, I had to manage that. Contact lessened and I started the process of child arrangement orders.
He is now 36, has been having seizures due to alcohol and is currently remanded in prison. I have PTSD.
You can’t change who your child’s dad is, but you can be kind to yourself and err on the side of caution around unsupervised contact. He is a grown man and there is nothing you can do to fix him if he doesn’t want to be fixed.
Good luck OP x

My mum. 2-3 bottles of wine every single day for 30 years, without fail. Sometimes whisky and brandy on top of that. It is truly staggering how much alcohol some bodies can tolerate.

she was hospitalised with ascites twice. Age 70 went to rehab. Sober now, there will be relapses ahead but I think we will at least see her final years with the real her - the sober her - for the most part.

it is so very very hard, and such a shockingly chaotic illness for the loved ones to navigate. Me and my sibling and dad will forever be scarred for having lived with my mum through those years.

the child of an alcoholic becomes an expert room reader. I would know in an instant whether she’d had her first sip of drink. I’d know from the smell of the house when I walked in from school whether she was drunk or not. Some mornings I’d wake up for school and she hadn’t gone to bed at all, and was still up on bottle number 3 or onto the whisky.

it’s a real hell. Please protect your kids. My dad didn’t know how x

Some horrendous stories here: so sorry to all of you who have gone through this.

Nothing this dramatic in my case but both my father and my ex-husband were alcoholics. My dad was very high-functioning (very successful career etc) and my husband less so but still not drinking all day type alcoholics and my dad lived to the relatively ripe age of 86.

But both of them poisoned their closest relationships through choosing to prioritise drinking over everything else: the rows, the scenes, the emotional toxicity from both relationships have cast a cloud over my life.

Just to say OP that alcoholism doesn't have to be at drinking all day levels to have a significant impact on the loved ones of the alcoholic. The impact on children is horrendous.

So you're doing the right thing.

My dad is an alcoholic. He’s currently 3 years sober at 78 years old.

He spent years as a functioning alcoholic in complete denial. The last few years he was clearly unwell and following a hospital admission he had a period of sobriety (fell off the wagon spectacularly at my wedding).

He then developed really severe illness and was in intensive care, was held under a DOLS as he suffered brain damage due to the alcoholism. Fortunately he stayed in hospital for so long being detoxed and recovering from liver failure and the brain damage, and he has been able to stay sober since then.

I think he finds staying sober very hard and I do kind of expect him to relapse at some point. I have no doubt that if he does it will kill him.

She died before her 41st birthday. She left behind a 14yo son (no contact with his dad), who had to live with his grandfather. Once the grandfather passed away, he went to live with his uncle (the brother of the alcoholic). The whole thing was very tragic.

One died of a heart attack.
One is still drinking, he’s only in his 30s.
One fell down the stairs and has just spent 2 months in hospital having major surgery.
One stopped drinking in his 40s/50s and is sober but the devil lives on his shoulder and I’m not sure he has really made his peace with it.

I think there’s nothing you can do; it’s a terrible illness and selfish. There is an excellent book / audio book called ‘alcohol explained’ by Dr William Porter Xo

My boyfriend managed to hide his alcoholism from me for nearly 2 1/2 years. I found out when he collapsed, was admitted to ICU and died (liver failure, encephalopathy). Horrendous.

Sending you much strength xxx

I was married to one. He drank himself to death just after his thirty sixth birthday. I left several times but finally kicked him out six months prior. He left our DC, five and two. At a point you can try and save them, and you probably won’t or you can choose yourself and your child. I think you are doing the right thing. This was three years ago and we are all doing better, despite the trauma and the grief.

My Dad. He died when he was 54 after wrecking every relationship he had, except the one with me and my brother. Outside of the alcoholism he was a genuinely lovely man and I miss him a great deal.

It is a really complicated illness. And it is an illness.
@capricorn12 and others who have posted similar things, it is not a choice. Who the hell would choose addiction over sobriety, success, freedom? But so many do because... it is part of a deep rooted cycle of mental ill health and an illness.

All dead.

My exh,,left him 6 years ago. He is a functioning alcoholic in denial. Lost his children, soon to be divorced second time. Lives alone in a bedsit. Smells of booze .

My advice is leave. Your children will be traumatised
. I ran away with mine when he drove drunk with them jn the car, and set fire to the kitchen. Don't let this be your life.

A colleague of mine’s (who is also a good friend) boyfriend is an alcoholic.
She’s expecting their first baby. He’s currently in rehab. I suspect he will relapse when he gets out and I suspect she will then leave him.
Luckily she is a high earner and is not dependent on him financially. The sad thing is that he is a lovely, lovely guy but he always put alcohol first. Guilt follows, remorse, promises to change. Addiction is brutal on everyone.

My dad. Unfortunately he died aged 48 with alcoholic dementia (wernicke-korsakoff) and cancer in his bones (also a heavy smoker). He died when I was 19, he was divorced from my mom, never saw me graduate, get married, never met his grandchildren.