Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

I know quite a few, but perhaps one of the saddest I know is a family friend who became an alcoholic in her mid 30s.

Her husband tried for a few years but eventually left, along with the children. She moved in with her parents but when she drinks she becomes extremely violent so now she has a restraining order on her. She doesn’t work, sleeps around and is abused to fund her habit. Only one of her children still talks to her.

To me the scariest part is still that this all kicked off in her 30s, after many years as a functioning adult. You just never know.

My mum was an alcoholic. She died at 45. I was 23. My sister was 17. My brother was 7. Its shit.
My younger cousin is too. He went to rehab and has been sober 2 years.

My dad died at 54.
my mother somehow still kicking about.
3/4 of her sisters are heavy alcoholics too.

A total shitstorm I have nothing to do with now

An old friend choked on her own vomit. Also my dad who I guess might have been considered a functioning alcoholic died from cancer in late 60s x

Sorry to say they got worse, refused all help, multiple rehab stints and ultimately died from alcoholism. They were in their 60s . It was all very sad.

Ex DP, died early 50's. He was always encouraged by 'friends' as he was the life and soul of any social situation, while I lived with the manipulated arguments so he could go off on benders, and the pissing on the bedroom floor. I had to leave in the end.

Those who went to AA had a positive long term outcome. Obviously the addict has to want to stop and have the commitment.

At the extreme, it’s been a decline and loss on all levels if not (job loss, health, family).

Sorry OP things will feel much more stable for you out of the situation. I hope he seeks help for your sake of your DC if not himself. There is support for families of alcoholics as well which may be helpful as you navigate this.

I know a few.

A work colleague, lost her job and her husband left her once the kids were grown. She ended up homeless.

An old school friend. He got caught drink driving, eventually treated his long term partner (also an old school friend of miine) so poorly she left him. He frittered away the money from selling the house they'd bought (mainly with her income as his work become sporadic especially when he couldn't drive) but has found another woman to support him. I hear she's getting tired of him, though. He's a great laugh to be around for an evening, but you can't rely on him at all.

Brother in law. Also lost his license due to drink driving. Seems to keep it under wraps better than the others I know, goes on a bender a few times a year. Otherwise comes across as a middle class lush, but not someone with a problem. SiL makes excuses for him but he seems to have been a pretty shit partner in terms of pulling his weight and he's somewhat selfish in more ways than the addiction. Wealthy family, though, who have supported him financially and provided SiL with help, friendship and some lovely homes to take the children to when she needs to. So with the ability to stop the drinking spiraling (so far) they've muddled along as well as several other couples I know where no one is alcoholic.

A uni friend. Only one (I know of) who stopped. Built up from drinking in uni, then once working in early 20s wine with dinner most nights. Then kids came and wine with mums when they went out and a glass while cooking dinner and then wine with dinner, etc. Admitted she had a problem a few years ago. Tells me her marriage was on the line and she realised she just really wanted her family more than alcohol. Hasn't drunk since (didn't do it all by herself, joined a program, though think it wasn't AA).

Edited to add: Just remembered, also my grandfather. Became an alcoholic in the war. Died of a heart attack in his late 50s.

One of the saddest yet truest things I've heard about addiction is: You will never be a bigger priority than his alcohol when he is in active addiction, and you will never be a bigger priority than his sobriety when he is in recovery.

You and your child deserve to be somebody's top priority!

Sorry died age 26 not 28

MIL was, so much so that her liver basically exploded and when my partner helped his dad clean up the house after she died they found 24 bottles of wine and vodka hidden in places all over the house. She even got banned from Sainsbury’s for drinking vodka in the toilets then told everyone that she didn’t want to shop there anymore because a staff member was rude to her. It’s only when someone FIL knew told him the truth else we wouldn’t have known. My grandparents were alcoholics. And my dad is borderline…

I knew two alcoholics, one family member and one family member of my DH. Both died in their early 60s. Both had cancer but I know alcohol related causes were on the death certificate of one of them.

Death. All died young. Alcoholism is awful, an awful exercise in self pity. If it stopped with the alcoholic then it might not be so bad - but they damage a lot of people as they hit rock bottom. It’s particularly awful for children. You are doing the right thing OP

My ex partner father of my dc. Crashed his car drunk age 28.
Police came to our door to tell me. I was 24 with a 4 year old ds and baby dd.
I hold a lot of guilt as that night I had tried to stop him and take the car keys but was unsuccessful.

Ds and I enjoy a drink but know when to stop and never ever drink drive not even after one drink will we get behind the wheel.

Dd is teetotal and works for the police.

There is nothing you can do to stop them as I know now.

We had been together since 6th form and it devastated me although I already wanted to leave him.

I have PTSD even in my 50s if anyone knocks on the door or the phone rings unexpectedly.

I hate how he became in drink, sometimes a horrible and vile person totally different to the boy I loved in my teens.

Drunk people and pub noise really distress me.

I think it is an illness but one that affects the whole family.

The shame of cleaning up the alcohol bottles and vomit so dc didn't see in the morning will never leave me over 30 years later.

Yes. Hes dead. Died age 53.

My best friends Mum, died at 54 when we were early 20s. Liver failure and malnutrition. Multiple sections and hospital stays from accidents. My best friend is unfortunately now the same way and had never recovered from what she saw and went through when we were teens. Her and her sister ended up living with my family for a while.

In the last two months she's lost custody of her three young children, been arrested twice and.more. I'm trying to support her the best I can, but she doesn't know how ill she is. I fear she's too far gone.

1. Dead - horrific something ruptured
2. Exacerbated alzheimers and vascular dementia worsening symptoms
3. Dead - alongside smoking contributed to lung cancer

Ex H is alcoholic but has always denied it. Aggression and intimidation and anger got worse n worse including for the DC and became physical st times to the DC We divorced, he met a bar maid/pub landlady! Drinks even more now and they’re proud of how much they both can drink. It’s affected his memory (unless it’s dementia he has), is a mire argumentative and has fallen out either way DC2 after a drunken (he drunk) row. All very unpleasant. Not worth you staying with him.

Several friends and my birth father, who managed to live a reasonable life span but made it miserable for everyone else.
One is the most extreme chaotic example you could think of, with car crashes, waving guns around, but shielded by money and a daughter who became basically her carer. Sober now for years, post divorce and settlement, long may it continue.
One is a homeless street drinker, who for a time ended up on a protest site, gaining some purpose in life, but was too chaotic and out of order to sustain it and ended up being kicked out. His fate is unknown, but sadly, I can guess.
One who seemed to be a social drinker, albeit heavily and nightly, didn't stop when she went home and finally died in ICU on life support, with massive organ failure.

Yes I do.
Me.
I stopped drinking 18 years ago.
I’d be dead if I hadn’t.
I know I’m more of an exception than a rule though.

One bled to death. Two died alone and were found dead at home after police kicked their doors in. One stopped when he got dementia and couldn't buy booze. One died in mysterious circumstances -possibly by suicide. Another has brain damage after an accident.

Edit: I forgot about the one who left her family and was found dead in a homeless shelter.

A very good friend of mine died of a heart attack at 50. She had had problems with alcohol on and off for many years

I know several who have stopped and live really happy successful lives.
I also had a family member who died of it in her fifties. She’d already ruined her marriage; husband had left and kids had gone nc. She was moved into sheltered accommodation and basically fell down drunk and was found dead like that. Terribly sad as she was lovely when not drinking but horrendous when drunk.
Another family member who is very similar to how @pittapat describes
OP I really applaud you from getting your kids away from it. It’s so awful growing up around it. My siblings and I don’t drink at all and I’m pretty sure it’s because of what we went through and saw in our family growing up. I never want my kids to experience having a parent who is a drunk especially one who refuses to admit they have a problem. The emotional impact is devastating

There should be friends and family support available to you through your local drug and alcohol service.

My nearly 80 year old dad is an alcoholic. Just drinks endless red wine. WFH (still
working!) and drinks throughout the day but pretends he doesn’t. We can smell it on him. He isn’t a kind man and the booze makes him utterly disgusting. Tells my mum to “fuck off” and becomes very odd and belligerent. Terrible with the grandkids. I think of my daughter as only having one grandparent that can help as he does eff all and I wouldn’t trust him if he could (not all of that is to do with the booze). He has fallen flat on his face from getting off the sofa recently - blood everywhere as he hit the cat stand. In my more cold moments I often think it would
be good when he dies because he doesn’t contribute a great deal, if anything to my life and hasn’t for years.