Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

My dad is 78 and has been an alcoholic all of my life. He saw my mum off to an early grave and destroyed everything good in her life. Me and my sister are still in contact but I can’t stand being around him. He needs us but he is so horrible to my sister. Weirdly he holds it in with me I think
he knows I’d walk away.

I've known many, mostly through the course of my work, but some socially.

One had to go into residential care at the age of 45 because she developed Korsakow's dementia and could no longer live independently; she died approx 5 years later.

A few have died prematurely (mostly late 40s/early 50s) because of liver failure or haemorrhage due to ruptured oesophageal varices. One died because they passed out pissed while cooking and set their flat on fire, another fell in the river and drowned while walking home drunk.

The one that most astonishes me is someone I have known socially for nearly 40 years. They have always been an incredibly heavy drinker and are currently on a minimum of 6 x cans of Scrumpy Jack plus half a bottle of vodka a day, but it's ok, apparently, because they never drink before midday. They've recently had a whole battery of health tests and their liver function is near perfect. However, they have life-limiting COPD, which is ironic given that they stopped smoking at least 3 decades ago.

I always say, it can happen to nearly anyone. My mum hadn't drank in her life until starting in her fifties. It never had interested her.

The only people immune are teetotalers who remain teetotal for life.

It's so seductive. This thing right here, easily accessible, where you can drink it and suddenly your problems don't feel as bad. It just takes someone reaching for a drink during a hard time, feeling better, making that link, reaching for it next time, and so forth, until life sober feels unbearable in comparison to how being drunk feels. Until things get really bad and then there's no real enjoyment to it at all anymore, it's just an activity needed to stave off withdrawal. It's utterly horrific and happens to so many.

One (school friend) died in her early 30s of liver failure.

One (another school friend) lost her job, her marriage and her kids. Lifetime driving ban, lucky to avoid prison. Lives alone, doing minimum wage jobs for a few week/months at a time until she goes on a bender yet again and gets the sack.

One (xh) lost his marriage, several jobs, many friends. Careened from disaster to disaster. Stints in rehab. Now lives thousands of miles away, sees our young adult ds every couple of years. Is sober, but it's taken the best part of 40 years and his body is irreperably fucked, as are most of his close relationships. I don't expect he will live to a ripe old age, and I feel incredibly guilty re: ds because of this.

I drink alcohol but have a fear of losing control as I’m so conscious of the dangers of that happening. So I very really get drunk.

Others In my family drink excessively as to them it’s “normal”.

That’s very true. My brother had alcohol issues (he took his own life) and my sister also drinks heavily. I drink but am terrified of falling in to those habits. My mum died from alcoholism but my dad rarely drinks

My observation, partly from my own family - is that the children of heavy drinking families often go one of two ways … a risky relationship with alcohol themselves or very little drinking because it scares them.

My dad and his now dead wife. She died a very horrible scary death of internal bleeding and organ failure. He continues to drink. He has a huge pot belly and a huge bulbous bright purple vascular lumpy nose. He’s been tested for dementia more than once, his mum had it so I think he might end up that way as alcohol increases the risks. I don’t think he will stop drinking but he manages to stay away from rock bottom, but his health is not great. none of his kids speak to him

I do know someone who recovered from alcoholism. But things had to get very very bad first and it required almost losing a marriage and in patient treatment. It was awful on the family and nothing anyone else said made any difference, the person had to make the change. In fairness they did but it was a long process. It can happen though but basically the person needs to want it more than anything.

this thread has been an incentive for me to rejoin Soberistas. I feel determined but been here before. I hope I can do as well as you @JulianClarysDog

Yes sadly they rarely get to that point. So many young deaths on here, it seems to take them quicker than smoking deaths.

Read my post again. I acknowledge alcoholics have little choice. My post is more about the long road they take to becoming alcoholics where their drinking becomes problematic to others but they carry on because they enjoy it.

@BottleDown Just catching up on this. I can't speak for my daughter as I think she has good and bad days and she's sad about her dad and I not living together. But I know I am much, much happier - people have said I look 10 years younger and I feel it.

My daughter's relationship with her dad has even blossomed because he now has 'forced time' with her (he does enjoy it, but he also struggles with that 7-hour window of sobriety on his day off 🙄). Thankfully his drinking is under control enough for him to not drink around her, or if he does it's right at the end of his time slot and it's just a beer.

If you can make it to any online Al-Anon meetings so you don't have to leave your partner with your daughter, do it (obviously in a private space so he can't hear).

It was a godsend for me, and I spent my first couple of sessions just crying and barely being able to speak - embarassing but pretty much everyone does and it's a form of release! Ultimately you need to get out of there for your daughter's sake. It's really, really hard (I still love my ex, although like a brother now) but ultimately it's the right decision for you and her. One foot in front of the other and you will get there.

My mum

She died - decompensated liver disease and cirrhosis of the liver was on her death certificate but it was a burst oesophageal varices that killed her

I don't think society can blame individuals for becoming addicted to what is an incredibly addictive, widely promoted, accepted and available drug. Anyone, given the circumstances, can become addicted to alcohol. Alcohol companies know this, as do the government's that take the massive sales tax from alcohol.

Many cannot moderate, even if they want to, because it is so addictive, and destroys normal dopamine pathways in the brain, leaving the alcoholic feeling like there's nothing else left to live for.

The substance is the problem, not the individual. I say this as someone who went from enjoying occasional drinking to becoming reliant on alcohol, and now recently sober.

A ban is likely never going to happen, but proper regulation is so overdue. Look at the number of posts on this thread and the destruction and regret that has radiated out into each alcoholic's family. It is so sad and more widespread than people realise.

They didn't much care that it upset others around them when they prioritised having a good time over being more sensible.

They’re not having a good time. When my bloke was drinking he was disappointed to wake up every morning. Addiction is miserable. Most alcoholics in recovery report immeasurably better quality of life when they stop. Thing is that it’s bloody hard to stop and I salute every alcoholic who wins the battle.

Well done on your sobriety @JulianClarysDog having seen alcoholism up close I’ve some appreciation of what an incredibly difficult addiction it is to break.

I don't agree that alcohol sales need to stop, most people can drink moderately and enjoy it. I say this as someone who does have experience of alcoholics in the family but also experience of people who enjoy drinking sociably and in moderation like myself and most others.

The alcoholics I knew (dead now) did not become alcoholics overnight, in that sense it didn't happen to them like an illness. They drank excessively and selfishly for many, many years and certainly could have stopped or moderated at an earlier point but they chose not to as they simply loved the feeling of being drunk. They didn't much care that it upset others around them when they prioritised having a good time over being more sensible.

I accept people can't easily stop once they are alcoholics, but the road to alcoholism is a long one littered with selfish attitudes and putting themselves first. Yes I'm bitter. But I think it's unreasonable to ban alcohol for the sake of a minority who won't limit their own excessive behaviour - and yes it is a choice for a long time leading up to the point at which it no longer is a choice.

My dad - he died of liver failure

Should be treated like cigarettes. No adverts and all hidden behind the counter. Absolutely agree with you. If alcohol wasn’t available it would solve a lot of issues in society.

I really believe that alcohol sales need to stop or be heavily regulated and curtailed. It needs to be treated like the poison that it is, the risk of complete destruction to entire families is too great. I don't belive that alcoholism is a disease, alcohol is as addictive as cocaine, but not illegal like cocaine. Absolutely anybody can become addicted to alcohol, that is why it is so dangerous, and alcoholism so common, as this thread shows. Supermarket sales and alchohol advertising need to stop, first and foremost.

A friend died aged 40, from falling over in the bathroom and hitting his head on the sink. He'd already lost his wife, his house, his career and most of his friends.

It was horrible.

My mum was an alcoholic, as was her identical twin. My mum is still (just about) going in her 70s but her twin died in her late 50s- heart related. I think it was different life choices that had the biggest impact to their life expectancy- as their alcohol dependence was pretty much the same.