Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

My first husband was alcohol dependant - took an overdose & killed himself aged 31.

My grandfather was alcohol dependent - died of a stroke aged 52. My mother wasn't 'dependent' but never went a day without an alcoholic drink (so maybe she was) she died aged 78.

My son is in Recovery having been dependent on alcohol.

I don't drink alcohol.

If you're living with someone who is dependent on something be it alcohol, drugs or even gambling, you need to remember that their primary relationship is with their addiction, their primary motive is to feed their addiction. You, your needs, your children & their needs will always be secondary to feeding their addiction. The kindest thing that you can do is leave.

My friends sister has had rehab paid for multiple times and still goes back on it. Is one binge from death.

the other alcoholic I knew stopped speaking to me when I raised it as an issue I believe she’s ok now but she lost custody of her kids for a while

I’ve known 3 and all died in their 50s as a result of drinking. One left an 18 year old daughter.

My younger brother, it killed him, died at 56.

I was married to one. It would have been our 25th wedding anniversary this year, but I left after a couple of years. Not long after, he was ill and given a short time to live. He's still alive and still drinking at nearly 61.

The moral of the story: they can go on for longer than you think without changing their ways, so don't wait. Get out now.

One, a family member who I loved very much, got sober in his late 40s and spent the second half of his time being the most wonderful person and making up (many times over) for all the ways he'd let people down as a younger man. He died aged 90, much loved and living independently.

One who didn't get sober and died in his early 50s after a few miserable years in which his lovely wife and kids had to watch him drink himself to death.

I also know a variety in between those two extremes. One is fairly highly functioning but lives alone in early 50s, hasn't had a relationship in decades and seems unhappy.

In my wider circle, I know of a few people who have got sober and thrown themselves into running or other similar pursuits.

I am so sorry for what you are going through - you absolutely must protect yourself and your young child.

Thank you. I'm so sorry. 💐

My mum. She started drinking at 14, and stopped at 38 when I attempted suicide at 15 because I couldn’t cope with her anymore (only child of single mum, so it was just us).

She’s now been completely sober for more than 30 years, and still attends AA meetings regularly. I’m very proud of her.

So alcoholics can and do get sober - but for your kids sake, I still think you’re doing the right by leaving. Maybe this will be the incentive he needs to get and stay sober; maybe it won’t - but either way your kids will be better off.

My middle son, now two years sober. We adopted him in his early teens but he was already very damaged. Recovery is a long tough road. People say admitting there's a problem is the hardest step, but I disagree. The dependancy reduction period prior to getting on abstinence meds is hell on toast.

I know two. One is in recovery after going to AA and working really bloody hard every day to stay sober. Nearly 20 years sober now, and grateful everyday.

The other carried on drinking but was “functional”. Held down a job, had an external veneer of respectability, had a family etc but behind closed doors was a nasty, vicious and spiteful drunk who treated everyone like shit, manipulated and controlled everyone and took no responsibility for their behaviour. It was a relief when they died TBH, awful as that sounds.

For your own sake and that of your DC please know you didn’t cause this and YOU CANNOT CURE IT. They have to want to get sober. Too often, the addiction to drink is far greater than the love they have for everyone else. Alcohol is a terrible substance and alcoholism is a nasty disease. Recovery is a daily choice and a commitment they have to make every single day forever.

There’s a lot of support out there for families of alcoholics and addicts so I hope you can reach out locally and get support for yourself so you can choose the best future for you. No matter how much you love them, letting go can be better for everyone.

Two. Both dead. The first died in his 50s after a fall, but they couldn't work out what had caused him to fall - whether it was the heart attack he suffered, or the stroke. His death was alcohol-related. He died alone on the front path of his house.

The other died in his 70s after many years of drinking. He was on a bottle of spirits a day for a good year before he died. Refused to see doctors because he feared he would have been asked to stop drinking. His cause of death was renal failure. He was very unwell during the last 6 months or so of his life.

I’ve known several who wrecked their lives because of alcohol. One came out ok. He lost his job, his marriage and his reputation. But then became abstinent, moved away and remarried someone who hadn’t known him in his earlier life and put on a lot of weight. I think eating replaced the alcohol.

My Auntie is also an alcoholic . Started off when I was growing up she was a social drinker . I saw her recently for the first time in years and she almost resembled Katie Price she was soooo skinny . Her legs were like sticks . She’s about 60 now.

I live in an area with a lot of alcoholics and you notice they start to lie a lot , make up stories and their mental health is at rock bottom. It definitely affects their brain .

Hey.

By the end, she was on a litre of vodka per day. She actually had lost so much weight she couldn't walk anymore. She would sit on her sofa and soil herself, vomit coffee ground blood (oesophagus tear), and have booze delivery companies come straight in the door to the sofa. I'm guessing it crept up to a litre per day over the three years and can't say how that increase went exactly.

We'd go over when she was in hospital and try clean up and find an empty litre vodka bottle for each day since we'd last been. She went through a living hell I wouldn't wish on my very worst enemy. My heart still aches for how she tried to protect me and stop me from finding out so I could go and live my life.

My dad was. He died aged 46, when I was 17, my brother was 15 and my sister was 9. He haemorrhaged whilst he was asleep and basically bled out/drowned in it.

My Dad, he drank himself to death at the age of 41, he was told if he didn’t stop drinking within 12 months he would die, he didn’t even make 9 months.

His whole family have alcoholism to various degrees.

He had a horrendous death as every single one of his organs failed.

Sadly a sibling, he has stopped drinking now (I think) but replaced the drink with prescription medication that he buys off the internet. He has periods of being better, and periods of being absolutely off his face. Been going on for years and we’ve all come to the realisation we can’t help him.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My friends husband drank himself to death. Only small mercy was he'd moved out a few months earlier. Please get support.

My cousin, mid 40s. Had been an alcoholic all his adult life but got worse during his 30s. His wife kicked him out (can't blame her as he put her through hell and they had kids) and he lived rough for a while. Several other family members tried to help him and got external agencies involved in trying to help him but to no avail. He'd engage for so long but then lose interest and keep drinking. One family member even had him live with them for a while but he made their lives a misery and was quite abusive so they made him leave. Continued sleeping rough and was found dead. Multiple organ failure.

BIL, wife divorced him and has not seen his kids in 5 years. Lives in a hostel but works full time in a trade. Takes cocaine and pills too, don't know how he is still alive.

FIL is sober 37 years and still attends AA meetings twice a week.

My Aunt ( 58) drinks a bottle of gin everyday. She has always worked in highly professional jobs with long hours and it has never affected her work. Has crashed various cars numerous of times. One child is no contact and the other is very low contact.

My mother had a heart attack at 51, which was her wake up call. Stopped her for a while but she was drinking again the last time I saw her. I always thought it was the booze that made her so vicious but turns out she was just really vicious, drunk or not.

This is such a sad thread. My DH's late brother was an alcoholic. He died way before his time.

I'm so sorry to all who have been affected by this horrible addiction.

My previous partner I knew him for 10 years , together 5 and in those 5 years I only ever knew him not drink one day … he was also into drugs . He died a couple of years ago alone in his caravan in his 30s.

Sorry, but three friends died due to alcohol and I know one other person who’s just about surviving.
Please prioritise your own health.