Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

Yes, a close relative. It’s extraordinarily sad. She had everything going for her in her twenties-really bright, funny and exceptionally beautiful. She was the life and soul of the party.
We are now NC. She drank through two pregnancies, lost her job, her husband divorced her and brought up the kids. She lives in her mother’s house now. People tell me it’s like a museum of the 1980s. She’s changed nothing. She has caused so much damage and heartache. I feel sad, and frustrated but also angry because of all the lies. Life is easier being NC.

My mum. She died at 42 and I was 17.

My dad was an alcoholic.

Not the type where he’d be drunk all day, but he was clocking up 90 units a week. 5 pints and a bottle of wine after dinner every night. He had a very stressful job.

He nearly died in 2021 and had to pay privately for heart surgery. He was told in no uncertain terms that he would die if he kept drinking the way he used to.

He has less than 2 pints a week now.

Go to Al anon. It totally transformed my attitude.

Similar with my dad. He was a functioning alcoholic and a university professor. He retired set up a vineyard and drank a lot. He died of dementia at 79 but we think he was diagnosed earlier than he let on and covered it with drink. He was very manipulative and narcissistic.

You do hear a lot of 'they need to hit rock bottom' but you don't hear much of the reality that for many alcoholics rock bottom is death.

Spot on. Sorry OP. Is there an online Al-anon group you could go to so you don’t have to leave baby?

Died a hideous death in his 30's of liver disease.

Yep - he was a functioning alcoholic for many years. Retired and died a few years later as he had nothing else to do but drink. Took about 4 weeks to die in hospital but they couldn't stop him bleeding internally after a fall. His death was awful to watch. His wife stayed but she lived her own life as she couldn't bring herself to leave. Saddest thing I've ever watched happen.

My Nan and great aunt were both alcoholics but both lived to 70+ , I worked with an alcoholic nurse , but she eventually got too bad to work , her marriage split up , husband got the kids and then she had a fall and died in her mid 30s .

Al-Anon really helped me; I went to online meetings when DD was asleep (which at the time was patchy whether she'd be asleep on time). I had years of counselling to try and deal with it all and Al-Anon gave me the tools to actually understand addiction and strength to leave. They don't tell you to leave, but they tell you how to work on yourself and not focus on the alcoholic and that's what did it for me.

Happy for you to search my name for what I went through in Jan this year to leave.

My ex and I are good friends and it's worked out well, but his primary relationship is still with alcohol. He won't have DD overnight and he won't have her a minute longer than he needs to, because the minute she's with me he hits the bottle (thankfully he has just about enough self control not to drink when she's with him - once a week for about 7 hours).

Single parenthood is very tough, but I am SO much happier because I don't live with resentment any more, so actually I can deal with it much better than when I didn't have to do everything on my own!

Uncle.
Functioning alcoholic for most of his adulthood.
Never married or had kids.
He stopped drinking abruptly at age 50 due to declining health.
He is now 60 and dealing with a massive range of medical issues including Parkinsons, dementia, diabetes, and is a wheelchair user. I've no idea how much alcohol contributed to his shit health, but it won't have helped.

Wrapped themselves around a tree driving home in the early morning from a binge. Early 30’s. Luckily no other motorist involved, could have been a lot worse.

one my BILs he died and left two teenaged daughters traumatised.

A colleague who went into treatment and recovered

An ex, we split up due to his drinking and some other stuff too, he is a functioning alcoholic from a family of very heavy drinkers, He used to be really good looking but drink has taken its toll

My ex best friend is an alcoholic. We were friends for 40 years, she was my person, the one I could tell anything too and never feel judged. Then she gradually became an alcoholic and the loving wonderful woman she was.....gone. She turned into a bitter, nasty, spiteful woman, who told so many lies you could never believe what she said. In the last conversation we had, she told me she was in rehab and hadnt had a drink for 3 months....which then became 2 months.....which then because 2 weeks. She was absolutely drunk out of her mind, yet still expected me to believe she was sober.

Apparently she really now is in rehab and has been dry for a 2 weeks. I cant have her in my life, it's impossible to be friends with an addict if they will not accept they need help. And not just say it, but do it. My friend won't live to see 60 unless she sorts herself out and I am done watching someone I love (loved really) self destruct. A real shame.

My friend's dad was an alcoholic. He died at home in his early 50s and was found by my friend going to visit him as she hadn't heard from him for a while.

An ex boyfriend of mine was also an alcoholic who occasionally took drugs (cocaine). He died at the age of 40 from a massive heart attack after going on a bender.

I've not known of many alcoholics who haven't been dead by the time they were in their 50s tbh. It is a grim life.

I mention naltrexone helped the only person I know who was an alcoholic who is not dead. But it had to come from her, as the addict, to want to solve it.

An ex colleague, he had liver disease/ failure, stopped drinking, had a liver transplant, started drinking again and died. In his 40s. He urinated in the wine aisle at the supermarket at least once and was verbally abusive regularly. Many of the people I knew who passed away young(ish) were heavy drinkers and smokers for many years.

I knew one who died a few years ago in his early 40s having left his wife and four children. He died alone in a bedsit and wasn’t discovered for several days.

I know another who is estranged from his wife and two children. He lives in a homeless shelter. He is unable to work and has terrible health problems. He’s probably not long for this world.

But I also know one who has managed to stay sober now for about 15 years. It is a constant battle but he’s very determined to stay dry. He’s happily married (second marriage- this wife was not with him when he was drinking). He is a dad and runs his own business.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP. 💐

Thank you for that, that's so sweet of you to say. She's been gone 15yr now and I'm okay honestly, I dream about her at least once every week, and I relish those moments even if it's a nightmare as I can to be near her again. I consider myself incredibly lucky I had her as a mum, and even luckier when I hear stories from people whose alcoholic in their life wasn't as kind and sweet as mine. I can't imagine how much harder it'd have been if we hadn't had the amazing relationship we did. I'm so, so thankful. She gave me everything and so much of what I do and who I am is down to her.

By the end I was in favour of turning off the machines sadly as I could just see from her long fight that even if she pulled through physically (it was only a 5% chance apparently if we kept going with the treatment, which was brutal... she had an oxygen thing strapped to her mouth and kept trying to pull it off, the hospital was against restraints and I had to sit and hold her wrists down, until she got too weak to reach up) she wouldn't have a better life at the other side.

I love her, so much. I am so proud of her and her battle. <3

My grandfather, and my godfather. Both tried every abstinence method as far as I know and never managed it. Cut them both out of our lives and when they died, I felt only anger for the people around them whose lives they ruined with their drinking.

If they were still here, I'd insist on a year's successful treatment with naltrexone before resuming any contact.

My uncle, he’s in his early 70s now, has been on and off the wagon for years. I think he is actively drinking again at the moment. His adult kids have been flitting between contact and NC with him as they don’t want their own children to see him when he’s drinking. I don’t think he will ever be completely sober. He really is a lovely man, but he just cannot let go of the drink.

A former neighbour, in her 50s. Had a great job, got furloughed during Covid, started drinking and is now unrecognisable and in a care home with Korsakoff’s.

And probably about ten people I’ve nursed with bleeding oesophageal varices. All died in hospital.

Either died, dying or serious health problems

My mum was an alcoholic and she died in her 40's, my brother is an alcoholic and last i saw him he was drunk on a park bench, that's just my experience though

DSs Dad, he died aged 49.

A close friend. She chooses alcohol over everything else. She's functioning though, has a good job and owns her home. But has never had a romantic relationship, no one could tolerate the alcohol abuse for long (she's a very difficult drunk). My uncle died from it, ruined his marriage and he ended up in a grotty flat alone. Died alone. My brother in law died from cancer but was an alcoholic his whole life, ruined his marriage and his life. He also ended up in a one bed flat provided by council, used to be professionally and financially very successful. My husband's aunt is currently dying the slowest death, holed up in a tiny flat very far from any family. The theme I have seen is that it takes ages and takes absolutely everything before it finally takes the person. Terrible addiction.