Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

My ex. I divorced him. I don’t know much about him now but I know he’s still the same waste of space and has never changed.

My uncle was too. He had been for a long time but when my aunty died, he just went downhill. I think my aunty kept him in check. Though he did manage a good few years and saw off cancer before the alcohol killed him.

I work in the music industry and have seen far far too many die youngish - thing is it’s a very social job and with live work at funny times it’s very easy to get into a just 2 or 3 after shows nightly habit - then they realise they can’t get out the habit even when not doing shows - know several too who had liver transplants and then started it all again - on the plus side I know quite a few who pulled it back and became teetotallers- they are the ones going straight to bed as soon as back at the hotel as I think many manage to stay sober but mentally struggle with socialising after shows and not drinking

3, all dead, suicide, fell and had a head injury and never pulled through and choked on their own vomit whilst in rehab…..very sad to not have a better story to tell.

I was married to one in longterm recovery. He beat the alcohol addiction, but the personality disorder and severe depression remained. (He was self-medicating with alcohol.) He was still an addict with an addict's problems, even if he didn't drink anymore.

YMMV.

My Nana. She had a very hard life and turned to drink. She passed away at 58.

My mostly absent father was. I think he was in prison on and off from when I was about 12, I only saw him once after that at his mum’s funeral when I was 21. Then one of those “heir hunter” companies turned up on my doorstep when I was about 33 when I found out he’d died. Not sure if it was alcohol that killed him, but it wouldn’t have helped.

Several. Most have carried on drinking, their lives have shrunk to basically just alcohol until they die younger than needed from alcohol related causes

My dad was an alcoholic for at least 25 years when he quit aged 69, he's still 18 months sober now

Ive known 2

My first was a lifelong friend, had huge problems and ended up in hospital after vomiting blood. Fortunately it was the shock he needed to get sober (though every day was so so hard for him still). Unfortunately he died of an aneurysm within 2 years that he could have had for decades, or could have been caused by the booze, we'll never know.

My second is my cousin. Booze has completely changed her personality, she's lost her job, her marriage, her family relationships and her home, her parents have taken over care of her DCs, and she can't remember things from one day to the next. She acknowledges she has a problem but isn't ready to seek help. I don't think she'll make it to a great age unfortunately.

One dead. The other two have given up the alcohol, it took a hugely strong desire, rehab for the one, the other has been doing AA meetings for 20 years plus, and both have a very strong family support network. Neither drink a drop these days. Also they both reached rock bottom, before they dealt with it.

I know a few, we have a strong family history which I suspect is down to self medication of undiagnosed ADHD.

One died but he was much older and never managed to beat it. Three recovered, although one has since passed away from unrelated illness.

The two surviving in recovery have been sober for a very long time now and have got their lives back. One of them quit first time and hasn't touched it since and one took three attempts at AA to get sober. It probably took them about 2 years of on/off before it really stuck. I'm so proud of both of them now!

There is hope with family support but I understand that there is only so much you can take. It's a very difficult life for families of alcoholics.

My husband. He died aged 73, but had much more life to live. I’m devastated.

I knew two. Both died horrible deaths.

Im sorry- if someone is gripped by alcohol, they have to want to be helped to stop. You can’t force it 😔.

My sister is an alcoholic and it has been a nightmare for 14 years. Every member of the family have tried to help her numerous times but she always goes back to the bottle. My husband and I tried to get her kids away from it all through social services but they said the kids needed to stay with her. She then cut contact with us for 6 years, we finally got the kids away from the abuse when they were 16 and 18 and the damage was already done to the 18 year old. Him and his sister now live with my eldest daughter and are 18 and 20 now. The 20 year old talks to no one but his sister or my 7 year old grandson, he stays in his room all the time only leaving to go to work. He comes out when everyone goes to bed and my heart breaks for him, he was told so many lies about us by his mum that he doesn’t know what’s true and what’s not. He will say hello but that’s about it and he avoids us all at all costs. He needs therapy but refuses to go and he now has no contact with his mum. My niece (18) is doing really well considering the first 16 years of her life, she is in therapy and has a fantastic relationship with my daughter and her boyfriend and she is like a big sister to my grandson. She is so much happier and can finally act her own age, she has problems mentally but is getting there.
Sorry I was rambling a bit there 😂 but basically what I am saying is get yourself and your son out of there before more mental damage is done to the both of you. We tried so many times with my sister and was there for her whenever she ended up in hospital but I have had to take a step back for my mental health.

I hope this gives you a little hope.

My DH is a recovering alcoholic. I gave him an ultimatum. Our family or the booze. He chose us and hasn't drank since.

DFriend sadly unravelled after her DH died, despite friends and family supporting her and DC. Then her DC left for uni and she found solace in booze. She sadly fell down the stairs whilst drunk at a party and broke her neck. She sadly died in ICU a month later, much too young, and it's just so sad for her and her DC. She never got to meet her grandchildren. I often think of her.

I have another friend who admitted to me recently that she has a drink problem. But her much older DH enables their drinking so I'm not sure how it's going to pan out. I think the only thing that would make them stop is if their DC stopped them babysitting their grandkids.

They stopped drinking. At this point, haven’t had a drink in twenty one years.

OP there's a whole section of MN where there's loads of ongoing talk and support

Talk Subject - Health
Sub section - Alcohol Support

Come on over x

My step father, Died suddenly on holiday, felt ill went to bed and was found dead by my mother in the morning, his liver had given up, his mouth was full of blood He'd just turned 60.

Over 50-odd years, there have been a lot of them either through school, socially or through work.

1. Forced to retire after having a temper tantrum during routine surgery which resulted in the patient needing lifesaving surgery. Died within the year, facedown in a pile of empties, aged 62. Never admitted it.
2. Keeled over with a severe stroke aged 47. Life support removed five weeks later. Four kids aged from 10 to 16. Never admitted it.
3. Went from average looking man in early middle age to bloated, pallid and confused in the course of a week. Died of sepsis after 3 weeks in HDU aged 42 due to not getting an injury caused by falling over cleaned or treated. Said he knew it but didn't want to stop.
4. Died in her flat and not found for three weeks after she fell out of her wheelchair and couldn't call for help. Her drinking buddies only did something about it when she didn't turn up at the pub on the day her benefits came in when she'd buy them all drinks until the money ran out. Was a miracle she hadn't been killed on the way home from the pub before due to weaving all over the road on her mobility scooter. Possibly an element of choice because she had been diagnosed with MS and didn't see the point of not drinking.
5. Ran out of money and died of withdrawal seizures. Was about 56. Never admitted it.
6. Fell over, huge cut in head, left hospital without being treated because his wife refused to smuggle in vodka and told the staff that he was an alcoholic so that they could ensure he didn't develop delerium tremens. Went to off licence instead of going home, found dead a few days later at a mate's house when the mate had been arrested for being drunk and disorderly. Never admitted it.
7. Haven't a clue. If still alive, is probably either being treated for dementia or has found somebody else to leech from whilst waiting for a liver transplant. Would be 58 now, had cirrhosis diagnosed aged 47. Never admitted it unless it was to bully somebody into buying him alcohol, 'I'll die if you don't' and attributed it all to women cheating on him (they didn't) or if that didn't get sympathy, because his childhood friend died at 14 from a heroin overdose. Would also threaten to break into houses to get money to buy heroin if he wasn't bought alcohol. Last seen being thrown head first out of his ex girlfriend's house because he'd come round expecting to move back in once he staged a fake suicide attempt, having given up his flat in anticipation of her falling for his emotional terrorism. Her last words to him before launching him out the front door were 'If you're going to do that, you're not doing it on my fucking laminate'.
8. Still alive, still going from one relationship to another when he gets violent, has been cut off by his daughter after he turned on her whilst drunk and told her how pathetic and stupid a failure she was (she wasn't), will probably keel over from stroke, heart attack or by road raging himself into a ditch somewhere. Is 52. Claims that women are the source of all his problems and that he is forced to drink himself stupid every night because if he didn't, he'd have to batter them. Will never admit it.
9. Died of lung cancer aged 36, her infant granddaughter beside her. She hadn't gone to the doctor about symptoms because 'they'll only tell me to stop drinking and smoking'.
10. Liver failure aged 26. First sign of problems was turning luminous yellow. Told his Mum that he'd taken four paracetamol because 'the doctor had said it would be alright'.
11. Got into a fight. 32 and had 5 kids. Never admitted it.
12. Don't know. Was the driver when a friend was killed as he was driving drunk. Last heard of using this as mitigating circumstances for a fraud prosecution.
13. Ended his life a couple of years after killing his little sister driving drunk.
14. Undiagnosed autistic. Would drink to excess when disregulated, spiralled over 6 months or so and slapped his girlfriend once when she had called an ambulance because his breathing had been so shallow, she thought he was going to die. Was carted off to hospital and received a banana bag drip and a massive bollocking from the consultant once he sobered up, followed by an even bigger one from the girlfriend when he went home. Had no memory of hitting her. Was so horrified at himself, he attended a local drugs and alcohol project two days later, tailed off the alcohol slowly and is still sober 14 years later.

As you can see, the last one is a true exception to the rule. Apart from the hurt caused to others, that is.

Don't let yourself be guilted into staying in this situation.

He died. He was 37 and had a 3 year old son

A relative died at 36, another in their early fifties. A friend recently died aged 59.

A girl similar age to me, lived on our street. Did the usual teenage stuff sneaking out bottles of wine to drink with friends. Friends grew up and stopped. She didnt.
Died of liver disease in her 30s.
My mums friend's daughter. Had a great job, fantastic lifestyle. Met an alcoholic, fell in love with him. She ended up the same, died in her 50s
My sister. Long term alcoholic. Age 50s. Refuses to seek help. Will probably become homeless quite soon. Prognosis: probably death sitting outside a train station begging.
My former work colleague. Chronic alcoholic. Failed rehab once. Partner threatened to end the marriage.
Went to rehab again. Now 10 years sober x

Too many unfortunately and all are dead now except one who unfortunately looks heading exactly the same way.

Don't drain yourself trying or hoping for change. No matter what you try, it will won't work.

You've zero control over it and the only think that makes an alcoholic recover is themselves. Unfortunately, most can't reach that decision. I have the utmost respect for the rare few who manage to turn it around, it's not easy.

I'm so sorry.

My Dad - he occasionally gave up but mostly he drank a huge amount of whiskey, he got diabetes - that was painful, eventually he realised whiskey made the pain worse and he stopped drinking a year before he died aged 87.
My Mum gave up when she was about 60 - without a mention to anyone, she gave up smoking at 87, she's 93 now and looking healthier that she's entitled to.
My friend's brother died of liver damage at age 42.