Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

Oh. I had a friend who as an alcoholic. She once asked me to sit in on a meeting with her sister and I have to say it’s the most traumatic thing I’ve ever been a witness too. Think along the lines of being sold as a child for s**. I mean it was horrific and I’ve never forgotten the words. So I knew why she was one

however her parents were multi millionaires. She was paid to go to rehab a good 10 times. Parents threw money at her. Probably though guilt:….

she lied to me once to get money from me and then got gross because she didn’t come to my wedding. (For reference no one apart from our parents came). Plus even if I did invite friends her behaviour when drink was horrific. I remember trying to keep her safe at a club once and it was awful….literally throwing herself at dangerous men….

i decided that my mental health was worth more. Sadly I had to become selfish. I tried for over 25 years but it just became too much. I had young kids and it was getting dangerous to know her as she got further into addiction and then included drugs so drug dealers would be round her house etc

i dont know if she’s dead or alive but her mum died and left her that insane a point of wealth and I was sure she would kill herself if I’m honest.

I haven’t heard anything though. But I don’t know what she’s doing now or if she’s alive.

Alcohol damages their brains so severely that they are incapable of being anything but selfish.

You are right that the OP cannot be her husband’s saviour.

Women already give so much of themselves to men. Supporting someone through sobriety is just a waste of time. They have to do it on their own.

My dad. Drank my whole life, found me in my 30s then died two days later from liver cancer.

A close family member is. He went to AA in his late 20s and stopped. Jumped straight into a serious relationship and marriage after. That ended in separation after 2 years. Now in his early 50s, married with 2 children. He began drinking again about 5 years ago. I am concerned that he resumed alcohol at all, and think he drinks too much but he seems to be managing his life and health ok without obvious nehative effects. Not like the literal car crash it was in his 20s. I think he is happy now and drink isn't so much of an escape for him, as it was.

My father died of liver failure in his late fifties. My uncle is still alive but mostly catatonic, and has seizures and can't live independently as a result. My mum's best friend has throat cancer. My cousin is divorced, unemployed, and not allowed to see his kids. They're all alcoholics though some also had/ have other addictions.

An ex was an alcoholic. He died aged 56 (20 years after I left him) and while I was saddened, I can’t say I was surprised.

The alcoholic I knew died well before her time.

She was considered a functioning alcoholic - held down a good job, drove around, socialised with friends. But drank alone at home and very much lived a double life. She collapsed at home and died a couple days later in hospital.

Even on her death bed, she remained in denial that she drank too much, despite the doctors saying it was solely down to alcohol. Some people don't see rock bottom, even when they've reached it

My friends son was an alcoholic
She was devastated. She iis such a lovely lady.
She tried to help, there was nothing she could do though.
He died 2 years ago. She was even more devastated.

2 women I knew both died from alcohol related diseases, both of them hemorrhaged from every orifice due to organ failure and died in agony. That's what it does to you. It's horrible.. behind the addiction is always unresolved trauma.

Someone very dear to me has unresolved trauma and is an alcoholic. They have a disease which attacks the brain, affecting mobility, personality, quality of life is very poor. They have fits, lose balance and suffer falling injuries, gets confused and cannot keep food down. They have lost weight, have sunken eyes, looks absolutely at deaths door. It will kill them in the next few years. Mid 50s.

My FIL is an alcoholic, retired, functioning as far as I know. Selfish man, chooses booze over family.

My ex-husband. Only ex because of his alcoholism. I left him hoping it would be the thing that would spur him into taking action but it didn't work. He drank himself to death aged 39. I remember reading forums just like this one and feeling so hopeless. Please know you can only do what's best for you and your children, you're not responsible for him and his actions.

That's what happened to SIL's husband. The cause of death on his death certificate is alcoholism.

Everyone advised her to leave him, but she had old fashioned views about marriage. She is now bitter and lonely.

My partner is a functioning alcoholic in denial! 3 DC together, as much as I say I need to leave I struggle at the thought of him being allowed access alone to my children weekends/evenings if I left.

You have to step out of the crazy world of an addict as staying has the potential to destroy

Reading this thread has made me realise I am NOT responsible for my sisters alcoholism. I have realised that addicts tell lies and blame others for their addictions. My sister claims I bullied her as a child. I didnt, she is a lot younger than me and I worshipped my little sister. Every so often I get a cartload of abuse from her , I ruined her life etc, then it all goes quiet for a few weeks. I keep expecting a call to say she's deceased. Unless she addresses her addiction issues i think it will happen.
Also remember an old friend who was never a big drinker, lost the love of his life from cancer, he couldn't cope, turned to alcohol and died from pneumonia in a homeless hostel. Very sad x

Both my natural parents were alcoholics. My mother left me and my younger sister to live with my father a raging alcoholic. Me and my sister suffered neglect violence abuse. We had social services involvement our whole childhood. I ran away from home age 11 and started my journey into foster care. I was placed permanently with a family age 13 who all but adopted me in name. My father died when I was 14. My younger sister had also be removed from his care 2 months before. My social worker went for a routine visit and found him dead aged 58. He had terrible health heart problems pancreatitis. He never once made any attempt at sobreity. My childhood was full of trauma and still affects me now I am aged 45.

My birth mother I never saw again until she died again liver cancer aged 65.

As a child amd now a parent I can't tell how you how angry and bitter I am at them both. Unfortunately due to my experience I rightly or wrongly zero empathy with addicts

My only living parent is an alcoholic and has been since I was a teenager. They were functioning for a while but only to the outside world, for us as their kids it was always horrendous, the mood swings, the hidden bottles, the drunk ramblings and arguments, we’ve took it in turns to stay up with them to make sure they don’t choke on their own sick, they almost set the house on fire (passing out while making food) multiple times, left doors unlocked and wide open.

They tried lots of half attempts to ‘mostly’ stop but nothing ever worked, as they insisted they could still drink ‘a bit’ which of course they can’t do and they just ended up back at square one. They’re around 17 years in now (things swiftly went down hill in the last 4 years or so) and as far as I know they’re in rehab, I went no contact 18 months ago as I can’t put my own kids through the same insane relationship that I went through with them.

If they’re an alcoholic they also most likely have many other mental health issues. My parent’s various mental health issues and their subsequent parenting throughout the years have had serious long term impacts on my own mental health as a child and into adulthood.

4, unfortunately.

Uncle, chronic alcoholic of more than 20 years, Went through rehab at least three times. Ended up divorced, unemployed, low contact kids. Died of liver related complications at 55 when his youngest was barely a teenager.

A good friends Mum, functioning alcoholic for a very long time, then spiralled in her 40s/early 50s into less functional. Died mid-50s of cancer.

DHs Stepmum. Relatively functional in her mid-60s but still drinking around 80 units a week, no noticeable health problems yet but all children and step children are low/no contact and looks a decade older than she is.

A colleague. Went to rehab in her 30s having taken out a loan to do so. Still in AA, sober 5 years and thriving.

One of my parents died and the other went to rehab and lives by AA steps (took them years to want help!). A friend also died young. It’s a heartbreaking illness and effects all around them. Good luck Op ❤️

My DM is a recovering alcoholic, she's been sober coming up 20 years now. She's got loads of health conditions that aren't going to get better and the doctors are surprised she's lived so long but I'm so proud of her and she's had a great last 20 years.

She had to hit rock bottom first, I thought moments where people were told they had weeks to live if they don't give up alcohol were just in films but she was given literal weeks to live if she didn't give up and that's what did it. It was a long 20+ years of her drinking and it ruined my childhood and gave me lots of issues to deal with. You leaving is the right thing to do for both you and your child, I wish my Dad did.

So many sad, sad stories. I've known too many - an Ex dead at 41 from heart failure, a good friend dead in his 40s from drink induced cancer, a friend who fell and became disabled after years of heavy drinking.

My husband. Headed for an early grave at 48. He's currently cutting back by pretending not to have had a drink when I get in and im pretending to believe him just to keep the peace and prolong the relative calm.

Me, I’m an alcoholic. I think my life is great now because I haven’t had a drink in 6 years and it changed my life. I stopped for DS because it wasn’t fair on him having a drunk mum. It was hard work but I know I will never drink again as it’s not worth the risk of going back to the way I was when I was drinking.

When I think about it, there’s been quite a few alcoholics in my family: An auntie who died in her 40s and her much wanted child was then adopted outwith the family, but not before said child was found in a cot with broken bottles. Another auntie who put her children through mental and physical torture for years. They still live with the repercussions to this day. Another auntie lost a high powered job and died in her 40s as an alcoholic and anorexic. Alcohol consumed their lives and made them into selfish, selfish people.
OP don’t be fooled into thinking you can be your husband’s saviour. He needs to be responsible for his own decisions.
Children always know what’s going on. Give your child the chance at a decent life and get out.

My father was an alcoholic and he died at 56 years old. There was less help available then though - this was about 40 years ago.