Boarding school syndrome

I was a day pupil at Boarding school nd the majority of men I have kept in contact with from those days are divorced now.
Bear Grylls speaks on this quite a lot
I met a lovely man (ageed 40) last week who was sent away to board from age 7 and who has had years of therapy but doesn't really have a relationship with his parents now. He said that a car rattling on rough ground triggers him as the driveway to his school had a cattle grid and the bump of going over it meant he was back at school. He actually didn't hate school but he always felt abandonned. He is very socialble and has a great life now but even before he told me what type of school he went to I had a pretty good idea. He told me that he fits in anywhere but belongs nowhere.
Of course some men are just arseholes and the type of school they went to is irrelevant but BSS is certainly a thing IMO

What does he do at dinner time? Ban conversation?

I know this term can be used very loosely but they sound like narcissistic traits which aren't exclusive to people who went to boarding school. He's unlikely to change and you'd probably be wasting your time and energy trying and waiting for change.

I don't have personal experience with it, but have a close friends whose husband fits the description. Counselling has really helped them. I also found this an interesting read, largely about the author's experience of being sent at the age of 8.

https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/sad-little-men-inside-the-secretive-world-that-shaped-boris-johnson-richard-beard/6825561?ean=9781529114805&next=t

Well, this might not all be to do with boarding school, you know. I know a couple of men who went to boarding school and they might be a bit emotionally repressed but they don't talk down to their wives. Something an arsehole is just an arsehole, wherever he went to school.

I think you need to tell him straight that you are not happy in the marriage, and ask him if he wants to stay married. If the answer is yes, it's counselling, no arguments.

You have my sympathy. That sounds horrid.

My brother was sent to boarding school aged 8. He witnessed all sorts of abuse at secondary school too - both students and teachers. Some student on student abuse was sexual.

He's raised the question with my parents about why they sent him away so young but it was the done thing in their social circle in those days and my parents couldn't cope with the challenge. They think they did the best for him.

He's had counselling and wrote to a boy who he didn't help during a severe bullying incident aged 11 because of the guilt. He has come to terms with it and would never send any of his children away. Indeed he is a very good hands on father.

Was your spouse bullied or treated abnormally at school? Has he had counselling as an adult? I would suggest you try to find out and suggest counselling together so that your spouse can see the impact his /her behaviour is having on you and your children.