Men’s Morals

You need to cut him off unfortunately or this will all end in one of about five kinds of horrible.

He sounds flaky, duplicitous and very mixed up.

10 years of needing a “firm boundary”?

Seems unlikely.

A stick of dynamite approach and blow up any ideas sleazy fuckwit may have.
Leave him under.no illusion it ain't happening.👍

The children aren’t his. Why would he give them child support?

In what situation were you in where he felt comfortable telling you that. Was it at works? In what capacity do you work with him and how closely do you work together? Sounds like you hang out with him sometimes.

Maybe he’s genuinely not happy in his marriage and is willing to leave? Not usual.

Or he could be just telling the OP he wants a relationship when he's just after sex.

He’s now told me he really thinks we might have a future. I have told him we may, or we may not, but that he is married to a wonderful woman so there’s absolutely no point in even entertaining any thing further.

FFS.

Talk about mixed signals. Not to mention muddying the water with ‘come hither’ vibes…

Give your head a wobble knock!!

Honestly I don’t think ether of you if push comes to shove for this to go anywhere

sounds like ego boosting fantasy for both of you

Ewww now that’s the behaviour that gives me the full on ick!

Why would anyone want a relationship with a bloke like that. Clearly utterly amoral.

’told me he really thinks we might have a future. I have told him we may, or we may not.’

Don’t even tell him that, it’ll give him hope and inflate his ego!

He’s just trying to sweet talk you into bed.

An even split of assets is not “taken to the cleaners”. If that was the case the divorce gap would be the reverse of what it is.

An even split of assets is not “taken to the cleaners”. If that was the case the divorce gap would be the reverse of what it is.

Cut him off, he’s not your friend. To continue any kind of relationship now would be colluding in his fantasy and is disrespectful to his wife. Also he’s a scummy shitbag so why would you want anything to do with him? His poor wife, I’d be tempted to tell her everything. She deserves better.

Maybe he’s genuinely not happy in his marriage and is willing to leave? Not usual. Many couples stay together out of convenience after the love has gone. You see it all the time on MN. Woman no longer loves DH but stays for x, y, z reason (often related to finances).

Men do the same. Often they don’t divorce until they think it’s really worth it, as they know they’ll be taken to the cleaners/have to go through a load of aggro.

Does it make him selfish? Probably, but I don’t see why it makes him ‘intellectually unintelligent’.

That's highly unattractive of you both, OP.

I did have a married friend and knew that, had we not both been happily married, we would have entered into a relationship with one another -- but we literally never talked about it. We were both married. We were both happy in those marriages. It was simply that we'd met one of the other people with whom we could have been happy, had things been otherwise.

It is perfectly possible to acknowledge that something is the case, inside your head, and not to do anything about it. You were both feeding your egos here. You're just cross now because he's taken out of the realm of flirtation and said 'Look, if you won't guarantee you'll shag me than I won't bother leaving my wife!'

You have children op?

I would have told him that I’d never have a future with a man who was willing to treat his wife so poorly.

Yuck

Your standards must be in the gutter OP to have maintained this relationship. Get yourself a therapist. Pronto.

I don't know what you consider your boundaries to be but the fact you have a flirty friendship with a married man
suggests you don't have much respect for his wife or his marriage.

That you didn't shut him down he proposed having an affair with him soeaks volumes. You've certainly given the impression you aren't aversr to the idea of a relationship with him.

Rank hypocrisy from.you going on about his great wife when you are already behaving inappropriately with her sleezy H.

Not men, just his moral. Although I have often seen it said (and have often witnessed) that men rarely end relationships to be alone. They only end relationships when they have a new person lined up.

I would also limit all interaction with this colleague. Even if he left his wife he is awful for saying this.

He's crossed a major line in your relationship. IMHO, if you do anything other than completely distance yourself from him, you will have crossed that line to some extent as well, at least that's how he will see it. To be frank, that's how I see it as well because you didn't exactly slam the door in his face, you actually left it slightly ajar.

I suggest "no, there is no future for us. I don't find you attractive and I won't ever be interested, even if you do divorce". You need to be brutal, straight forward and make sure he's too knocked back to keep trying. He doesn't deserve anything gentler.

I have told him we may, or we may not,

You clearly like the attention and your morals are not better than his! You mention what a fantastic wife she is but yet you are having these intimate conversations with him… why does he even think you may be interested? because you’re not shutting him down, clearly.

Why on earth would you continue a "friendship" with this utter sleeeze? You know he isn't remotely interested in you as a friend? He wants to have sex with you. He's absolutely no intention of ever leaving his wife voluntarily. He's trying to convince you to give in, after which he'll keep you dangling with promises of this and that which come to nothing, until his wife finds out. Tale as old as time.