Men’s Morals

I'm truly amazed that you needed to get advice about this. Cut the cheating shitbag dead.

exactly this!

I think you know the answer to this. I agree that men are all the same person. Their sex drive is supposed to keep the species reproducing but it isn't compatible with civilised life. Or most women's expectations.

Do you not think that, if nothing else, his talk about seeing a future with you when you two have never had any relationship experience together makes him, if not a total liar, then just really fucking stupid?

I think you need to look at your own "morals" and admit you've enjoyed/are enjoying this.

If there's always been chemistry, why on earth have you been friends with a married man?

Why did you not just tell him straight it's out of the question, rather than it could be good if he wasn't married?

Who knows what he's up to, but your ego is loving this imo.

Absolutely agree. Shocking behaviour from you both.

I have always kept him in check with a very firm boundary (I was also in relationships sometimes during our friendship), as I have no desire to give any signals that I might be interested in being romantically involved with a married man.

Yes, but...

He’s now told me he really thinks we might have a future. I have told him we may, or we may not...

would continuing on a flirty friendship continue to give him a green light and feed his ego?

Often on MN, you see the OW being blamed equally-or more- than the cheating OH and I have always found this a bit unfair.

But then I read posts like this and realise that actually, the affair partner can be incredibly manipulative in progressing a relationship they 100% know should not be happening.

From your description, you have been having an emotional affair on some level for pushing a decade. The level of intimacy is such that this man felt comfortable enough to ask if he left his wife, whether you would pick up the pieces with him.

Your reply was at best-vague and misleading-and at worst, deliberately titllating and manipulative. No one who is not interested in a person answers that "they may or may not have a future". What a load of rubbish.

You chose those words for plausible deniablity for when he does leave-it couldn't possibly be your fault, you promised him nothing!

And then to boot, you absent mindedly wonder whether a flirty friendship should be maintained after this exchange!!!

You are either being deliberately goady or you have been reeling this man in for years and think strangers will buy this faux innocent facade you are projecting.

His poor wife.

Cock lodger alert - elbows up!

He ll only leave if he has another couch to sit on, a replacement wife to cozy up to and someone to spoon with.

Can't stand on his own two feet. USER!

Oh yuk, yeah bin him. You should probably tell his wife although she may not believe you or he’ll say you were after him and jealous or something. But if I was the wife I’d want to know.

For him to announce he thinks you have a future together, I assume you've been letting him believe you think the same. You don't just stroll over to a colleague and announce that 😂 Behave. You're just as bad.

Why on earth would you want to continue a flirty relationship with a man like this??

Yanbu if you was to cut him off. It would be unreasonable to carry on and say things like "We may or may not" when he's said you two have a future as that is encouraging him. Just remember if he'll do it for you, he'll do it to you.

Yuk - give him the elbow!

So if you are not interested then why have you not from the start clearly and firmly stated that, morals work both ways

You are both game playing

You know the answer.

I agree with PP; your firm boundary is a lie you tell yourself. You describe your friendship as flirty and you didn't shut him down when he said he thought you had a future together. You've enjoyed and been flattered by the attention whilst maintaining plausible deniability. His morals would be irrelevant if you had not been an equal participant in the flirting. You can't stop him being an awful husband but you don't have to assist him. Cut him off, neither of you know how to maintain an appropriate boundary.

Oooo you are awful but I like you.,😁

"No no you naughty man" did make me titter. Showing my age, but now picturing OP as the Mandy character played by Dick Emery. Which I doubt fits her image of herself.

This man is married, end of. You keep solid boundaries and step back from any friendship you may have. He's looking for an affair, and has seen your friendship as a steppingstone to taking it further. Don't get involved. Affairs at work are rarely so discrete no one knows, usually it's picked up by colleagues. A roll in the hay isn't worth losing the respect of your colleagues and all the fallout when his wife inevitably finds out. Keeping a flirty friendship, is giving him signals that you are interested. If you genuinely aren't, then don't go there. Why would you want a man who's prepared to cheat on his wife??!

Oh stop it. I won't say you're as bad as him, because he's married, but you're cut from the sane cloth. Ten years of mutual ego massage and flirting under the guise of 'friendship'? And when he really crosses the line to ramp up the excitement by (no doubt falsely) claiming he'd leave his wife, you faff about giving him an answer that encourages him while keeping you officially in the clear. Yes, his morals are extremely suspect. But to get all squeamish about that after playing silly games for years is hypocritical to say the least.

You know what you are doing op, you say should you carry on your flirty behaviour? You sound to me like a simpering schoolgirl, flirting away until he suggests going one step further, then you are ' oh no no no, a thousand times no, you naughty man'. Grow up, both of you before you do some damage 😡😡

I always remember the saying "Marry the mistress, create a vacancy". Any man who can do it once can do it again.

@JosephineCornwall im not in a relationship but I think it’s disrespectful of you to flirt with a man knowing he’s married. I’ve worked in many offices where I’ve had friendly banter with a man but in all my years never flirty. There were occasions when a married man would try to ‘test the waters’ as it were with a suggestive comment but as I’m not good with confrontation my approach was just to ignore it and respond by changing the subject. I’m a bit of an introvert but it’s really very easy to do. Those type of men just move onto to a different female to try their luck.

Sounds like you're just as bad......