Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

563 replies

LadyGreyjoy · 03/11/2025 14:42

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

OP posts:
DearyDrearyDear · 04/11/2025 18:06

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:01

What data around how cherished a child is by their parents could possibly “prove” what the OP is asserting.

the fact you used an egg donor OP does not and will not mean you cherish your child more than I cherish mine because I did not use an egg donor. For which I am eternally grateful

If thats OP's logic ( and apparent proven data ) then I suppose, people who have had miscarriages and still births, babies die aftwr they were born... does that mean we love and cherish our children more than the IVF parents?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/11/2025 18:05

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

So, the actual point of this thread was that you’re the superior parent.

Called it.

DearyDrearyDear · 04/11/2025 18:04

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

Oh dear. The more you post the more your showing what sort of person you are. I suspect the reason you don't meet up with other mums is because you arnt invited, not because you don't want to

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:01

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 17:59

Care to link because I’ve only seen the additional risks from IVF- autism, AdHD etc. I have IVF children.

What data around how cherished a child is by their parents could possibly “prove” what the OP is asserting.

the fact you used an egg donor OP does not and will not mean you cherish your child more than I cherish mine because I did not use an egg donor. For which I am eternally grateful

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 17:59

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

Care to link because I’ve only seen the additional risks from IVF- autism, AdHD etc. I have IVF children.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/11/2025 17:54

Holidays with kids of any age is also "same shit, different location".
People won't fundamentally change just because you are not at home for a week or two.

But yours in only 18m. Come back when they are a mix of adults, teens & pre-teens and all want different stuff at different times🙄

Cherrytree86 · 04/11/2025 17:51

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

@LadyGreyjoy

im sure there are lots of benefits of conventional conception though especially for the mother - not having to go through artificial hormones, injections, embryo transplant, etc. All that stuff isn’t pleasant that women have to go for

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 17:51

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

That the children of egg donors are more cherished and invested in by their parents?

Cherrytree86 · 04/11/2025 17:49

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 11:13

I don't do coffee with mums from anywhere, I find mum groups insufferable. Too much moaning!

I also don't want to hang out with people I have nothing in common with other than having a child when I have actual friends I've known for years and enjoy spending time with.

Edited

@LadyGreyjoy

women are allowed to talk about things in their life that they find frustrating, difficult or boring, OP.
what do you have against that?
Parenting IS hard and toxic positivity serves no one.

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 17:49

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 17:41

Oh I remember you OP

You are the one who is adamant that because you used an egg donor and went through multiple rounds of IVF it means that you cherish your child more and are more invested in your children than those of us that didn’t use an egg donor or IVF.

Oh and your prone to ramming down posters throats talking about the better outcomes of IVF children over non IVF

It's true and backed up by data. Sorry that offends you! 😊

OP posts:
Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 17:41

Oh I remember you OP

You are the one who is adamant that because you used an egg donor and went through multiple rounds of IVF it means that you cherish your child more and are more invested in your children than those of us that didn’t use an egg donor or IVF.

Oh and your prone to ramming down posters throats talking about the better outcomes of IVF children over non IVF

dunroamingfornow · 04/11/2025 17:36

Ponderingwindow · 03/11/2025 14:47

You have a child you can put your bed and then go sit on the balcony. That isn’t true for everyone with an 18 month old on holiday. The only way ours was going to bed was to go to bed with her.

This was my experience until DS was 3 1/2! It broke me !

MaggieBsBoat · 04/11/2025 17:35

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

nice one

all inclusive
1 x 18 month old

No @LadyGreyjoy YANBU

popcornandpotatoes · 04/11/2025 17:21

winterbluess · 04/11/2025 17:17

Well if holidays are same shit different location.. it sounds like it would be a nightmare at home too 🤷‍♀️

I have one child and genuinely one of the reasons I don't want anymore is cos our holidays and travel experiences are great. I don't see why that offends anyone?

winterbluess · 04/11/2025 17:17

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 17:05

Wow so the reasons to have children are now down to how holidays are impacted. Err ok.

Well if holidays are same shit different location.. it sounds like it would be a nightmare at home too 🤷‍♀️

Chess101 · 04/11/2025 17:08

You have ONE child. Come back when you have more then we can see how smug you are.

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Where has she done that?

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 17:05

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 16:44

It certainly sounds awful to me.

Apparently it's chaos, makes nice relaxing holidays unaffordable and makes holidays at all unenjoyable. So unenjoyable posters with 3-4 kids are laughing at how mums with only children have no idea how hard it is and won't be enjoying their holidays anymore if they have more!

No thanks!

Wow so the reasons to have children are now down to how holidays are impacted. Err ok.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/11/2025 16:54

I wonder if threads like these that turn into bun fights are better on chat than AIBU as in I just had a fab hols with my little one etc, does anyone else enjoy hols like this etc or do you find them a nightmare etc

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 16:44

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 04/11/2025 15:00

Doesn't sound like 3-4 kids is achievable for you op, unfortunately.

It's certainly not awful.

I had 4 children, I have 3 now and I couldn't imagine not having them.

It certainly sounds awful to me.

Apparently it's chaos, makes nice relaxing holidays unaffordable and makes holidays at all unenjoyable. So unenjoyable posters with 3-4 kids are laughing at how mums with only children have no idea how hard it is and won't be enjoying their holidays anymore if they have more!

No thanks!

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sooose · 04/11/2025 16:04

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 11:32

You don't need to tell me how hard it is to see people happy when you're struggling. Five years of infertility and endless pregnancy announcements taught me that.

Not once did I ever make snide comments to those women like "just you wait until they're two and they're a nightmare!" Just to piss on their joy. I guess some people are just more spiteful than others.

I understand some kids are an absolute nightmare on holiday, but they sound like the same kids who are an absolute nightmare at home and it was to be expected. I don't agree for a minute that just doing the same parenting in a different place makes it's not a holiday or not worth bothering. I stand by that.

And as for the 3-4 kids comments, these seem to come up whenever anyone mentions healthy eating, after school activities, going on holiday, paying uni fees etc. It's always the same, people pop up with wait until you've got 4 kids, then you'll see that these things aren't really doable! It just makes it sound like people are having more kids than they can cope with really then using that as a stick to beat people with who chose to have fewer kids so they didn't have to compromise on those things.

I am so glad you are happy with your life choices LadyGreyjoy

Those mums who struggle quite enjoy meeting up with other mums to share experiences or just hang out while the kids play. And lots of us really enjoy a good moan too...

There are upsides and downsides with every situation and in the end I think we're all just doing our best.

Poppingby · 04/11/2025 15:55

I just think people can moan about what they want. You asked if you were being unreasonable not to understand other people's complaints. You're obviously N being U to not have experienced the difficulty - hurray for you - but I'm sure you've got enough imagination to understand why others might. The smug tone of your following posts really made me worry how you will feel when parenting does get difficult at some point OP, because it seems like venting to other mums about it is off-limits to you and parenting will, at some point, become a struggle in some way -- almost 100% guaranteed unless you have given birth to a programmable android baby. Maybe you'll change your mind about moaning mums then, I dunno.

When mumsnet first started it was SUCH a breath of fresh air to hear stories of how I wasn't weird for not feeling shiny and happy at all times as a mother. I guess those stories have entered normal discourse now but being able to say it is not less helpful I shouldn't think. You don't have to understand the exact circumstances to understand that surely.

popcornandpotatoes · 04/11/2025 15:48

Successfully raising 3-4 children is entirely different from having 3-4 children. Regardless, op said she didn't want that many children and you've come back and said it wouldn't be 'achievable' for her. Not everyone wants that many kids!

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 04/11/2025 15:45

popcornandpotatoes · 04/11/2025 15:35

OP clearly said she doesn't want 3-4 kids. I also don't think having 3-4 kids is an achievement tbh

They are the best thing I've ever done in my life and I've raised them to be wonderful people. Anything else I've achieved doesn't compare.

Quite the achievement to do it 3/4 times over.