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AIBU?

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To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

563 replies

LadyGreyjoy · 03/11/2025 14:42

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:55

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:52

i can’t imagine loving my life when I don’t spend any time with my husband because when I’m not working 13 hour days, he is working - but perhaps your marriage needs work?

Someone's showing bitterness....

My marriage is great, we have 80 annual leave days a year between us used for time together, we value having daughter at home with her parents while she's young over childcare, it's the shared values in all areas of life that make our marriage so strong.

How is your marriage? People in glass houses dear!

OP posts:
MyAcornWood · 04/11/2025 18:55

I’m with you, op. I’ve a v nearly four year old and an eight month old and have taken them away a couple of times this year on my own and a couple of times with DH, and I love it! Not all fancy holidays either, some just cheap self catering caravan jobs. I guess it is just the same in a different location… but isn’t that the point? We get to see new places and do new things!

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:53

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:51

Are you going to manage to get away next year op? Or another five year wait?

Why are you so worried about it?

Are your holidays shit and stressful too?

OP posts:
Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:52

i can’t imagine loving my life when I don’t spend any time with my husband because when I’m not working 13 hour days, he is working - but perhaps your marriage needs work?

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:51

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:50

Aww thanks 😘

I don't need a holiday from my life because I enjoy it so much, that's why we can hold out for five years!

Sorry you don't have the same.

Are you going to manage to get away next year op? Or another five year wait?

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:51

Cherrytree86 · 04/11/2025 18:35

I know right! I feel a bit sorry for her…Hope you get another holiday soon OP and don’t have to wait so many years again! @LadyGreyjoy

Edited

Me too
sounds like this week was much needed!!

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:50

Cherrytree86 · 04/11/2025 18:35

I know right! I feel a bit sorry for her…Hope you get another holiday soon OP and don’t have to wait so many years again! @LadyGreyjoy

Edited

Aww thanks 😘

I don't need a holiday from my life because I enjoy it so much, that's why we can hold out for five years!

Sorry you don't have the same.

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 04/11/2025 18:35

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:30

I really don’t see this Op as “privileged” at all

Multiple rounds of failed ivf and then used egg donor
works 13 hour days 4x a week
has zilch time with husband
and this one week holiday was their first in half a decade!!

sounds far from privileged

I know right! I feel a bit sorry for her…Hope you get another holiday soon OP and don’t have to wait so many years again! @LadyGreyjoy

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:34

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:22

Because I understand my position perfectly well.

I grew up in poverty and have not always been able to afford an all inclusive holiday. My parents certainly never moaned that the holidays were could afford when I was little were just looking after me in a different place and therefore pointless and not a real holiday.

Quite frankly, if I could only afford a caravan that I couldn't easily fit all my kids in and had nothing to cook a proper dinner with making it super stressful like posters are claiming holidays are, I just wouldn't go. I would do day trips instead of save up for longer and go less often because it sounds like hell. We haven't been on holiday for five years btw, we've saved long and hard for this precisely because I don't want to go on an awful holiday that I need to complain to Mumsnet about.

If we had just not gone, we wouldn’t have gone anywhere for years and my kids wouldn’t have experienced anything. Life and parenting isn’t stress free. My kids remember fondly all sorts of stressful moments on holiday and the things they wouldn’t have seen if we hadn’t gone, we all do, it’s part of what makes a family and it’s healthy to moan.

Training kids to think life is stress and moan free and the equivalent to all inclusive hotel is not healthy.

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:30

wordler · 04/11/2025 18:17

@LadyGreyjoy how come you haven’t answered any of my questions to you about the basis of your OP being more about you not understanding your quite privileged position - particularly financially - with regards to your holiday that means your lovely experience is not available to those who were complaining about their holidays.

I really don’t see this Op as “privileged” at all

Multiple rounds of failed ivf and then used egg donor
works 13 hour days 4x a week
has zilch time with husband
and this one week holiday was their first in half a decade!!

sounds far from privileged

BlackeyedSusan · 04/11/2025 18:29

Two autistic kids solo... or two autistic kids with useless ex is not the same as one easy going 18 month old with two engaged parents. You are lucky.

wordler · 04/11/2025 18:29

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:22

Because I understand my position perfectly well.

I grew up in poverty and have not always been able to afford an all inclusive holiday. My parents certainly never moaned that the holidays were could afford when I was little were just looking after me in a different place and therefore pointless and not a real holiday.

Quite frankly, if I could only afford a caravan that I couldn't easily fit all my kids in and had nothing to cook a proper dinner with making it super stressful like posters are claiming holidays are, I just wouldn't go. I would do day trips instead of save up for longer and go less often because it sounds like hell. We haven't been on holiday for five years btw, we've saved long and hard for this precisely because I don't want to go on an awful holiday that I need to complain to Mumsnet about.

Ah - so why then didn’t you say all that in your OP?

What you were actually asking was ‘why can’t other mothers do parenting perfectly like me?’

Curleduphappy · 04/11/2025 18:27

We haven't been on holiday for five years btw,
and you get no time with your husband
and you work 13 hour days 4x a week

bloody hell, I bet that week’s holiday went by fast!! Do you have to wait another 5 years before your next one?!

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:24

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:17

Um it was funded by

Monash IVF Research and Education Foundation, and Reproductive Biology Unit Sperm Fund, Melbourne IVF

so not a peer reviewed well respected university and by people with a big conflict of interest .

There is nothing else anywhere and it ignores the higher chance of Autism and ADHd which absolutely do not bring a better quality of life.

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:22

wordler · 04/11/2025 18:17

@LadyGreyjoy how come you haven’t answered any of my questions to you about the basis of your OP being more about you not understanding your quite privileged position - particularly financially - with regards to your holiday that means your lovely experience is not available to those who were complaining about their holidays.

Because I understand my position perfectly well.

I grew up in poverty and have not always been able to afford an all inclusive holiday. My parents certainly never moaned that the holidays were could afford when I was little were just looking after me in a different place and therefore pointless and not a real holiday.

Quite frankly, if I could only afford a caravan that I couldn't easily fit all my kids in and had nothing to cook a proper dinner with making it super stressful like posters are claiming holidays are, I just wouldn't go. I would do day trips instead of save up for longer and go less often because it sounds like hell. We haven't been on holiday for five years btw, we've saved long and hard for this precisely because I don't want to go on an awful holiday that I need to complain to Mumsnet about.

OP posts:
wordler · 04/11/2025 18:17

@LadyGreyjoy how come you haven’t answered any of my questions to you about the basis of your OP being more about you not understanding your quite privileged position - particularly financially - with regards to your holiday that means your lovely experience is not available to those who were complaining about their holidays.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:15

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:12

You do realise that we can read what you wrote?

That's fine. I reposted it with the correct quote.

Sorry mum!

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:14

DearyDrearyDear · 04/11/2025 18:04

Oh dear. The more you post the more your showing what sort of person you are. I suspect the reason you don't meet up with other mums is because you arnt invited, not because you don't want to

Haha sure it is 😂

You're trying so hard to be nasty, it's sad really.

OP posts:
Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:13

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:12

So no links then. Didn’t think so.

Edited

Oh she was asked on the other thread too

if I recall correctly - brought up one study

but absolutely no data regarding measuring how parents feel towards their child determined whether an egg donor / ivf versus natural conception

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:12

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:10

.

Edited

So no links then. Didn’t think so.

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:12

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:10

.

Edited

You do realise that we can read what you wrote?

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:11

Chess101 · 04/11/2025 17:08

You have ONE child. Come back when you have more then we can see how smug you are.

Don't want more thanks. I'm fulfilled with the one I have.

I'm sorry having multiple children has made things so difficult for you that you can't wait for others to find out how hard it all is.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 18:10

.

OP posts:
Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:07

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 18:01

What data around how cherished a child is by their parents could possibly “prove” what the OP is asserting.

the fact you used an egg donor OP does not and will not mean you cherish your child more than I cherish mine because I did not use an egg donor. For which I am eternally grateful

I think she was referring to better outcomes as regards data.

Both declarations are ludicrous and incorrect.