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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

563 replies

LadyGreyjoy · 03/11/2025 14:42

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 17:29

Activealways · 05/11/2025 15:59

You need another holiday after how angry and stressed you appear to have got on this thread to posters disagreeing with you or simply expressing pity about what sounds like a very difficult journey to becoming a mother, and no holiday for 5 years and seemingly very little time with your husband

Edited

Oh another one 🙄

You're two days late for the pile on love. It's over now ended with a well deserved ban and everyone else getting the message.

MN clearly saw the bullying or they wouldn't have banned her.

NEXT!

OP posts:
Activealways · 05/11/2025 16:03

What is “wrong” and “inaccurate”

You had a very difficult time with IVF and then went down the egg donor route. Which must have been utterly draining.

You work long hours 4x a week and then one your days off, your husband works.

This 1 week holiday was your first in 5 years

Is any of the above wrong?

Activealways · 05/11/2025 15:59

You need another holiday after how angry and stressed you appear to have got on this thread to posters disagreeing with you or simply expressing pity about what sounds like a very difficult journey to becoming a mother, and no holiday for 5 years and seemingly very little time with your husband

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 15:35

Poppingby · 05/11/2025 15:24

Anybody who has ever been on the wrong side of a pile-on on Mumsnet knows how difficult it is to ignore. However if I were you I would just hide the thread and slip away. That's not because I disagree with you even though I do. It's because it cannot possibly be making you feel nice at all and it's just not necessary is it. It is adding nothing good to your life just making you feel horrible for literally no reason other than maybe proving yourself right. Which you never can on here even if you are - and even if you were what does it matter???

Thanks for your concern, it comes across as genuinely warm and kind hearted.

The comments actually aren't making me feel horrible or upsetting me, because they are completely wrong. They don't mean anything to me because they are completely inaccurate and do nothing but make the posters look ignorant. I feel so lucky to have my life with my family and animals in our quiet but of country side that no amount of derision could make me sad about it.

I do admit, since they dug their teeth in I'm enjoying winding them up and wasting their time. I hate bullies and there are many of them on Mumsnet. It upsets me seeing other posters get bullied and then just disappearing, clearly upset and chased away from their own thread. I enjoy sticking it to a bully by laughing at them and wasting their time because it makes them really angry not to get their own way.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 05/11/2025 15:28

I wouldn’t say the OP has been worse. There have been a lot of patronising comments about the OP’s life, showing faux sympathy which she wasn’t looking for. I would say that she’s made the mistake that a lot of OPs make, getting drawn into arguments rather than just ignoring them and engaging with the many more measured comments on this thread.

But, as I said before, this is what you expect on AIBU, it very easily becomes a bear pit, which is why I don’t start many threads.

Poppingby · 05/11/2025 15:24

Anybody who has ever been on the wrong side of a pile-on on Mumsnet knows how difficult it is to ignore. However if I were you I would just hide the thread and slip away. That's not because I disagree with you even though I do. It's because it cannot possibly be making you feel nice at all and it's just not necessary is it. It is adding nothing good to your life just making you feel horrible for literally no reason other than maybe proving yourself right. Which you never can on here even if you are - and even if you were what does it matter???

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 15:23

AQuickWord · 05/11/2025 14:58

OP I have not seen the deleted comments but presumably they broke guidelines in terms of manner or content. Why not ignore them? That’s what I would do to make the comments stop. You are probably encouraging posts by your responses. Just a thought it you want to get the discussion back on track?

Every single comment on this thread by that poster has been deleted at the same time which tells me she's been banned for being a bully.

Good riddance!

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 15:21

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 15:16

Op's comments have been worse, calling other posters names.

Lol. Calling posters exactly what they are is not worse than multiple nasty posters ganging together and making snide comments about every aspect of my life.

Your comments have been despicable and yet you claim the high ground.

OP posts:
NoMoreBrownSofas · 05/11/2025 15:18

I'm really amazed by the deletions. OPs comments have been awful and she's come across terribly.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 15:16

AQuickWord · 05/11/2025 14:58

OP I have not seen the deleted comments but presumably they broke guidelines in terms of manner or content. Why not ignore them? That’s what I would do to make the comments stop. You are probably encouraging posts by your responses. Just a thought it you want to get the discussion back on track?

Op's comments have been worse, calling other posters names.

AQuickWord · 05/11/2025 14:58

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:23

Why are you so obsessed with my life?

OP I have not seen the deleted comments but presumably they broke guidelines in terms of manner or content. Why not ignore them? That’s what I would do to make the comments stop. You are probably encouraging posts by your responses. Just a thought it you want to get the discussion back on track?

Onlyontuesday · 05/11/2025 14:05

I think you're right OP. Holidays with DS6 have always been a joy. He's not a very easy kid and is on the assessment pathway for ASD and ADHD, but the break from reality and the easy-access fun/exercise has always been a welcome break from reality. DS sleeps better and we all enjoy the sun, nice food and change of scenery.

We have stayed self-catering but now opt to stay in the cheapest serviced apartment (I hate sweeping sand off the floor on holiday) we can find, eat dinner out and lunch from bakeries etc. I recognise not everyone can afford this and I would probably feel very differently about a self catering caravan somewhere cold.

We like to be busy though. If you liked to stay in a resort and do nothing but read and drink cocktails on holiday I can see why chasing kids all day might not be a welcome change. We are often wistful about the lie-ins, exploring and boozing of child free holidays.

I have just had a second DS though so maybe I will change my mind..

Beattheblock · 05/11/2025 14:04

When will you next get to go on holiday?

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 14:00

LizzieW1969 · 05/11/2025 13:53

You must have known that you would get snippy responses after criticising other mums for saying that they don’t enjoy holidays with young children, surely? And on AIBU you always will get snippy comments, it’s the way it is on here.

Can I ask what kind of responses you were hoping for when you posted your thread? I get that some posters have been snarky and unkind to you, which was uncalled for (though as I said you always get some like that on here), but quite a lot of us have simply shared our own experiences of holidays with our DC, which I’ve actually found very interesting.

I agree the first few pages were an interesting discussion.

I didn't have a set response in mind though I was expecting a.fair few people moaning about privilege as that's always the way here. A lot of posters have agreed with my perspective and given different examples of how they've enjoyed their holidays with kids, even unconventional ones. The camping stories from the posters who clearly enjoy camping have given me the push to consider taking little one camping next summer as I miss camping since having her. The poll is pretty evenly split it's not a massive swing either way which I expected.

I certainly didn't expect a pack of attack dogs to rip my life apart that really is unhinged.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 05/11/2025 13:53

You must have known that you would get snippy responses after criticising other mums for saying that they don’t enjoy holidays with young children, surely? And on AIBU you always will get snippy comments, it’s the way it is on here.

Can I ask what kind of responses you were hoping for when you posted your thread? I get that some posters have been snarky and unkind to you, which was uncalled for (though as I said you always get some like that on here), but quite a lot of us have simply shared our own experiences of holidays with our DC, which I’ve actually found very interesting.

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:52

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Ok now this is a stupid question.

I had no shared interests, shared education levels or shared life experiences with the mums I met at a couple of the mum groups I tried. We talked about tongue ties and breast feeding for three weeks then when that blew over we had nothing else to talk about other than baby talk and what was on TV. I personally found this dull.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 05/11/2025 13:46

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:27

Of course she can do both, as do I! The point was she doesn't begrudge the time doing kid stuff as she'd rather be doing her own thing instead.

I think you may be misinterpreting people that complain about doing certain things with their kids, to be fair.

For instance, I don't like soft play centres, I find them noisy, sometimes dirty, crap expensive food/drinks, some of the parents AND kids are really annoying.. the list goes on of how much I really don't like them.

BUT I still take my 4 year old DD to them and pretend to enjoy it with her because she loves them! I may complain about it in private, but I'd never tell her and I certainly don't begrudge doing it because seeing her happy makes me happy!

Just because someone complains anonymously about not particularly liking something, doesn't me they do it reluctantly or resentfully, it's all part of parenting.

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 13:46

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Ducklove · 05/11/2025 13:45

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LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:45

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More prying into my life 😂 god you're obsessed!

Why do you care where I am?

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:44

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No I don't think it's relevant. It's about enjoying holidaying with your kids or not, not how often you gone holiday or why.

Why don't you answer some of my questions and share your life so we can all collectively mock you? It's only fair!

What hours do you work? You know all about mine and if you think the amount of work I do sounds horrendous that tells me you're lazy.

How much time do you spend with your husband and are you in marital bliss?

What is it in your life that drives you to tear others down? Why the fake pity approach rather than having the balls to just own your nastiness? What's your backstory huh? What on made you like this?

OP posts:
Ducklove · 05/11/2025 13:43

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LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:40

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You are being very aggressive in your attempts to shit on my life. You really need some introspection if you think your behaviour is normal.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 13:39

AQuickWord · 05/11/2025 11:34

OP your tone is so self-congratulatory.

Some people say they do not want any ‘mum friends’ as a defence mechanism. They have their own insecurities and struggle socially, so they prefer to say that they do not want to make new friends, rather than they don’t have the ability to do so. I would be careful around that. I had plenty of friends before I had children. However, by connecting to other mums, from NCT, nursery and then school has been so rewarding. Of course I am not best friends with all the parents. But I have definitely made a few connections for life that are ongoing even though my kids are now at university and working. It is always good to have some parent friends during the school years to help with emergencies and share some of the tasks and pick ups etc.

You are someone who could probably benefit from being around other mothers a bit and be less narrow-minded. Open your eyes and world a little bit. There are many ways to be a good parent and many ups and downs along the way. I suspect you will remember this thread and cringe in a few years’ time ;-)

The thing with mum friends from groups is I tried it and found them all either boring or just wanting to complain.

I already have a group of very close friends, some who have children of ages ranging from younger than mine to grown up. All of the parent experiences I would ever need to discuss with a friend have already been experienced by these friends so they understand and we talk about it or will be experienced by them at the same time. My sister's children are the same age as my daughter and we talk a lot.t my life is rich with these close relationships. There a few friends who I love but would never follow their examples in parenting and there are friends I find inspiring as parents who are raising wonderful children.

I don't see any value in trying to make new relationships with people I have nothing in common with when my life is already full of supportive people, especially when mum groups in my experience were a place to vent and not a happy or positive atmosphere. You are correct in that I'm quite shy and don't enjoy socialising for the sake of it, which makes small talk with strangers my idea of hell.

OP posts:
Ducklove · 05/11/2025 13:39

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