In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

but we have never been like well don’t try then no point

I agree with your point of view. Also, agree with other posters with only 20% attendance, she did brilliant. I am sure she will be able to achieve her dreams. GM is really out of order.

@Getbackinyourlane12 I posted earlier not having read all of your posts, so will add this to my previous comment!

Wow! What resilient clever people you and your daughter are! Ignore MIL, she sounds like a status seeking bully - she is also very ill-informed if she is under the impression that only Grammar school kids do well academically. Grammar schools constitute less than 1% of state secondary schools, and many areas have no Grammar schools at all (mine included!).

Your daughter sounds very academically able to have got those scores on 20% attendance. By the sound of it, you have got her into just the right kind of school to help her catch up and flourish going forward. Well done both of you!

If she is still interested in becoming an OT in five years time, it would be a good idea to start talking to universities to see which ones will allow any necessary adaptations (due to her health) with regard to OT practicals. Your daughter's tough health experiences are likely to make her an even more empathetic OT, and if she chooses to work with CP patients could bring extra insight to her job.

You sound like an excellent mother if I may say so!

The 1% is probably the Grandmother!

There is also an interview as part of the selection process. DD had to attend an interview at all 5 of her applications

I disagree with your point about OT being "a very academic degree". While I would hope that any UK degree is academically rigorous, an OT degree is much more practice focused than a highly abstract subject such as mathematics. OT also requires a real range of skills and personal characteristics aside from academic ability to be a successful practitioner. I have (unfortunately) quite a bit of experience with dealing with OTs, and yes, the best ones are bright, but they also bring other skills such as empathy, care, good communication and excellent observational and problem solving skills.

I just found this overview of requirements for the OT Bachelor of Science undergrad degree at Lancaster and as you can see, the minimum GCSEs are 5 Cs, and 120 points at A-Level OR a BTEC DD (and Liverpool Uni has even more flexible entry requirements):

Minimum qualifications:
120 at A2 including Biology or PE or Psychology or Human Biology or Sociology
BTEC Extended Diploma: DDM in Health and Social Care
BTEC Diploma: D D in Health and social care
Pass Access Course: 120 UCAS points including 30 level 3 credits at Distinction
International Baccalaureate Diploma: Pass including 120 points from Higher Level Subjects
T Level Health: M
IELTS: 7.0 with no Component lower than 6.5
GCSEs: 5 at grade C/4 including Maths, English, Science/Health & Social Care
A satisfactory Criminal records declaration (DBS/Disclosure Scotland) and Occupational Health clearance are required for this course.

However, all of these courses require students pass a medical/OT screening, so it's really important that OP and her daughter understand if this is possible in light of any continuing or recurring health issues.

@Getbackinyourlane12 I think what your MIL said was terrible. I had a similar experience with my son and mother (I was not present, but my son was extraordinarily upset after a visit with her - he said nothing about it while with her). She totally dismissed his ambition while nodding along encouraging the hopes and dreams of the other children involved in the conversation. I know the children very well, and I am fairly confident that my child's chance of being an Olympic snowboarder is actually higher (even though a massive longshot and very very unlikely) than of the other child becoming a vet. The child in question has quite poor academic abilities, which could well improve with intensive academic support, but this is not forthcoming from the adults in her life. Being fond of horses is unfortunately not enough to get you on a Veterinary degree. Anyway, the upshot is that this has caused real damage to the relationship, and he does not view his grandmother in the same way anymore. He still loves her, but does not feel as 'safe' with her as previously if that makes sense.

As you can see from the Minimum Requirements bit above, there are many ways to get on an OT degree, and the academic requirements are what I would call solid rather than stellar. They are looking for a whole package of skills and attributes, and early SATs results are not the sole indicator of whether or not these skills and attributes are present at time of application. If your daughter is only 11 she still has plenty of time to make up for a patchy primary education, but you as parents will need to be on top of making sure this happens as well as getting any reasonable adjustments in place at school/for assessments incase these are needed on the basis of any continuing health or additional needs.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

id Have punched her lights out. She should be encouraging and building your DD up not making her feel bad because of her health issues. They don’t define her. You sound like a wonderful mum and I hope these comments from ‘gran’ don’t put her off

Fucking hell- I’d be livid.

How dare she!

I am angry on your behalf. Idiots! Your DD is only 12!

A good friend of mine was told by a teacher at school that she was 'too ambitious' wanting to do A levels and that she should be more realistic regarding her career aims.

That same friend now has a PhD.

What a nasty cow your MIL is! Shame on her for knocking her granddaughters confidence.

Joining the outrage at Granny and her stupid opinions. And I'm sorry your amazing dd was flattened by her utter tactlessness.

Time for a talk perhaps. I'm sure that your dd knows how proud you are of her, but a reminder of how amazingly she's done could be timely along with the prediction that Granny will be eating her words soon. You and your dd will show her that she can be (almost) anything she wants.

(Ex teacher here. You can tell her that with those SAT results after so much absence. she will crush GCSE. (Tell her from me not to look up GCSE papers yet. If she wants to do well in English - in fact in any subject - read, read, read. (And read stuff she enjoys.) There is a direct correlation between reading and exam success. And it's fun too.)

Edited to close my brackets!

Jesus christ! If i thought that a child’s illness at 11would preclude her from attending university and having a career I’d flee the country with her. What a ludicrous system. Higher education shouldn’t be rationed that way.

Sorry I misread it on the back of a different poster and couldn't edit it out. I rewrote a reply on the basis of your post saying your girl had an organ transplant and had lost school due to her illness. That's a very different matter and in light of that makes what you've had to deal with these Grandparents very understandable I think as I said a word is necessary with them and a talk with your daughter about contact with them at the present time. Your daughter is doing very well and achieving good results, she doesn't need putting down by her Grandparents. You said that they were academic family, this kind of behaviour by the Nan is certainly not sensitive or intelligent it's almost vindictive and demoralising..she needs to get a life! Sorry gor misunderstanding.

Stay angry but hard. The only job of decent grandparents is to build their grandchildren up - to be the wind beneath their wings - not a leaden weight! All the more so here as any emotionally normal grandparent would surely be the more loving and caring towards a child who has been through all that your daughter has. Bear in mind that even all these strangers on the internet are appalled.

If you think that your daughter is emotionally mature enough to understand and if she still seems upset by them, you could try explaining that she should never again pay the slightest regard to what they say as what they have said to her on this occasion is so incredibly inappropriate, inaccurate, insensitive and downright nasty as to show that no weight can be given to their opinions.

Id noted from a later post from you that your daughter's primary school years were disrupted because she required an organ transplant, this has required time off undoubtedly due to illness and the need for isolation during the transplant process because she would have been immunosuppressed. Im not sure what CP is that you state she also has. This puts a slightly different complexion on things and if what has happened at the Grandparents house is correct then this needs nipping in the bud and your husband most certainly should be speaking to them. Also speak to your daughter and ask how ahe feels about contact with them. Warm and loving Grandparents would be applauding their Grand daughter, boosting her confidence and applauding her for her bravery not putting her down. Further plenty of employees in the health service doctors, nurses and others have gone into it because of the treatment they've received and with disabilities they have because they want to make a difference and it makes them empathetic practitioners.

Please tell your daughter that she should never give up on her dreams. I know a young lady with CP who has done amazingly well for herself, becoming an expert in a very niche industry. She has been headhunted by a prestigious institution overseas, all before her mid 20s. None of this was clear at age 11. Far from it. Like your daughter, lots of other things to contend with throughout primary school. Wishing you both all the best ❤️

What an awful thing to say to a child! Your dd has done amazingly well with just 20% attendance. You should be so proud of her. I would I be telling her grandparents exactly what I thought of them!!

probable undiagnosed neurodiversity and difficult family circumstances meant that I did appallingly badly in my GCSEs despite being bright enough. I’m now an OT, it’s actually a very inclusive profession and welcomes people who are a bit different and think outside the box! I’m sure your dd would make a lovely OT if that’s what she still wants to do when she is older. Her life experience will actually give her an advantage and a better understanding of and more empathy for the people she works with.

Your daughter has plenty of time to up her grades. How dare anyone knock hers

Typo. You should NOT be focusing on GCSES or fall outs with the in laws!

Your in laws are interfering. It is absolutely none of their business in how you educate your child and what her results are at school and they should not be making the kind of comments they are making to your daughter and making her feel inadequate. All children are different and they mature and develop at different rates. Effectively , if what you have been told by your child is true they have said to her that she cant achieve her goals because she is not clever enough, she has issues and wont amount to very much which is divisive and cruel. Her reports and SATS results are none of their business or of the older grandchildren and they shouldn't be commenting but you might not be getting the truth, if you werent there you cant really be sure what was said unless these parents have past form. I think a word is necessary and should be undertaken by your husband. You say your daughter is 11, she is in the first year of Secondary School. Its a difficult period for many children coming from their primary school in settling into big school and the learning really does crank up a gear. It's important that you support your child that you help her to address her worries and that you get her into school because you do not want to let her get into a pattern of school refusal and reinforcing her anxieties. Personally far too many parents are putting the autism, ADHT plaster on social imbalance hence the long time periods for assessment and the lack of resources. Some parents have gone down the home education route and they cannot even cover the bases. I think you have to concern yourself with helping your daughter to adjust to school, keep abreast with the work and help her to settle into the routine of attending school regularly, developing relationships
and moving toward adolescent independence. You should be focusing on GCSES or fall outs with the in laws. Also take care with your daughters access to social media, most bullying takes place online. Im a teacher.

Your ILs were beyond rude. Undermining an 11yo is just appalling.

Even if they are across every test score she’s has and know her current academic abilities they have no place saying anything about her future unless it’s encouragement.

And she wants to be an OT in a word where many 11yos would say they want to be ‘an influencer’. Amazing.

Time to cut contact with them for the foreseeable future.

They have said a terrible thing. But you sound amazing and if she got those Sats results on 20% attendance she is going to do well. Also you can get tutors etc if you need them. Tell your DD she can be an OT if she wants to be!!

I'm angry on your behalf. How dare she crush a young girls hopes. Disgraceful.