In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

Well granny let's write of all 11 year old's who are not mini genius's!

Absolutely outrageous behaviour from your in-laws. I have four grandchildren and am their biggest cheerleader. Just yesterday afternoon told my four year old one, skipping across the room after her ballet class that she is such a talented dancer! My grandson loves space, reading him a story, I said maybe you will be astronaut too one day ! It’s a grandparent job to instil “ the world is your oyster” attitude.

There is also this sense I get that early academic excellence is the only benchmark for later success which just isn't true. Hard work and perseverance will stand you in better stead long term.
Each stage of schooling is a stepping stone to the next and admittedly doing well at one level makes it easier to progress to the next but that's all.

Also our family rule has often been proved to be a marker of success "don't be a dick". In this your Mil seems to have failed.

Hello, l have actually been like your daughter. Severe asthma meant l missed primary school and was earmarked for special school. My parents working class insisted on mainstream and l caught up! I now have two degrees, a successful career, a great family and grandchildren. Show these academic snobs who you are, support your daughter, encourage her to abandon all self pity, work hard and smile at the world.

Argh!
I had similar when I was younger. Scoffing at my dreams and telling me I would never do the things I wanted to. I must have been a similar age. It made me so determined to prove her wrong. So I did and I am very happy about it.
We should all aim for the stars and aim high. We might not all get there at the same time but what’s the point of not trying? I’d be firing her up if I were you and encouraging her to follow her dreams. Nothing wrong with falling slightly short if you’ve given it a go. And there are heaps of ways to get to Uni. Your mil is horrid.

Not more of this ageist crap! Some people of all ages have no filter.and say mad stuff without thinking it through. This is how it has always been and always will be. It's nothing to do with being older than you.

As I’ve become an adult, I realise that older generations have zero filter and say mad stuff without even really thinking it through. They also just think of when they were young and things were harder. Tell DD to ignore it.

I was far from academic in my early years (I cringe at how difficult I found certain things looking back) but in mymiddle secondary and senior years, I blossomed and got into a top University. I’ve done quite well since as well.

Are the in-laws Chinese? My family is Chinese and these are the kind of things you’re likely to hear unfortunately.

Grandma, Stop this or you won't be seeing your granddaughter very much.

You have a miraculous child on your hands that has battled for years and is doing well and all they can think about is university and grammar school. Their loss.

This.

Tell your DD that MIL is old, behind the times and doesn't know what she is talking about, and she shouldn't take any notice of her.

Then avoid unsupervised contact. What a nasty bigoted unsupportive old woman.

Honestly I feel for you and your DD. When I was at high school I was bullied horrendously; so my attendance dropped massively. I got in to college and still had some PTSD and depression; and (back in those days) got a U. I was devastated; but through family support and meds; I turned that U into an A; and got in to my first choice uni.You know what it means now? Virtually nothing. Just know your love and support for your DC means more than anything! x

No 11 year old should ever believe that they have failed already, what an awful mindset they want to instil in her.

Your MIL is a nasty piece of work who should keep her opinions to herself.

Not really the point but what a great aspiration to have at 11!

Why on earth would an adult be looking to restrict an 11 year olds life options?! She’s 11! Christ if a kid can’t have a dream and a bit of ambition then we all might as well not bother!

Great update. Glad your daughter had a good day in school.

My MIL said more than once I would never get to be a nurse. Just retired after career of 42 years - during which I held the rank of Matron and head of Clinical services.
Seriously what do they know. Enjoy proving them wrong.

There are different routes into OT (uni degree; apprenticeship while doing degree which is paid for by NHS; OT assistant jobs which creates potential for further training and full qualification).

Little snippets of your comments and the general impression you give, suggests your daughter’s challenges at school will have strengthened her suitability for OT. The nature of the profession involves finding methods to overcome difficult tasks. The fact she’s so interested at such a young age is also encouraging.

I’m spitting mad on your behalf! How dare they 😡 Hopefully I’ll be browsing MN in 10 years time, reading about how your daughter’s achieved her goals despite having some shitty relatives ❤️

I’m so sorry she’s had that experience. Moreover, it’s total rubbish. My school experience wasn’t brilliant at secondary for a raft of challenging family reasons - my GCSEs were ok, though my A Levels were bordering on a disaster. I can remember that my SATs were so average hahaha! I think we were among the first kids to ever do them lol. But when it comes to goals, we carve out the routes we want and need. I studied a degree with the Open Uni and got a First. And I studied it as a hobby - didn’t even need it!! So people are just as they’re meant to be and if they want something, they pursue it. Limit contact with such an ill-informed and toxic opinion.

I knew a woman who did really very badly at school due to truancy as she was badly bullied and the school didn't care, they just let it happen. When she left school, she had no qualifications at all. However, she did get a job that she thoroughly enjoyed and did an Open University course. I can't remember exactly what she went on to do but it was in the medical research field. It doesn't all have to be done within the normal school years, your fabulous daughter needs to use her energy to get well, learn as much as she can when is able and just know that she will have the opportunity to get qualifications in whatever field she ends up wanting to even if it's not by the usual Uni route.

OP Don't listen to the MIL your DD will do just fine and from a personal perspective I was told at Primary School I was backwards Academically.

despite operating at the level of a 7 year old at 10 and my teacher mother's efforts i managed to pass the 11+ . From there I did a Politics Degree at Keele University and met DH.

It was not this woman's place to make any such comment.

Put her in her place and keep her there.

And please ensure your daughter is NEVER EVER left unsupervised around this vicious woman again and that you are ready to jump in if she starts any future verbal attacks.

Always assume people mean it when they are malicious.

As the saying goes people show you who they are. Believe them.

I left school at 16 without an qualification to my name. I got a degree from a very good university. Sure, I took a different route, an access course, experience in the field and life experience. I had a job I loved for many years because of this. At 11 years old I don't think going to university crossed my mind. We grow into ourselves, develop and change.
My child would be not be seeing the in laws. Certainly not without me. It's outrageous saying that to a child. These type of throw away remarks can follow people through life.
I hope your daughter takes this as a challenge and shows them she can follow her dreams.

Grandparents are being assholes. And they are also wrong.