To feel excluded from the community with no way back?

There will be other ways for you to take part in village life that doesn't revolve around DCs. Look into that, instead of sitting around moping!

Said with kindness OP, but honestly, I've found that village life is what you make it.

Why don't you throw a party - great way to meet people and then you will likely be invited back.

But surely if they are school parties you wouldn't expect to be invited? Likewise private parties where your kids aren't friends? And if public/community events you don't need to be invited, you just go?

Yes, you would be very unreasonable to expect them to think about and invite your family to school or private events when they don't really know or have anything to do with you or your kids.

Presumably your school have events etc? You wouldn't invite them?

I'm in roughly the same situation. My ds goes to a different school.

I joined the parish council. When I have time I make endless bacon sandwiches for the local youth club. This time of year I turn out dozens of apple pies made from windfalls for the youth club.

Join the local Facebook page and opportunities to volunteer will present themselves.

It's also the route to buying tickets for the village quiz, the village pantomime etc.

Your family won't get invitations because no-one knows you. You need to get involved.

So, if i understand correctly, the local school isn't good enough for you, but because you don't send your DC there they are not forming friendship groups where you live?

You have to work at it then, don't you? or put up with it. You know how it was for you, do you want that for your DCs or do you want something different?

I’d assume parties were arranged on the playground. You’re not on the playground so miss out. Are there any village clubs you could join?

My dc go to a different school to most of the village (we live the other side of the school catchment) but we are involved in the village Panto (dh, me and our 3 dc) and dc go to a club every Friday in the village hall, so they have friends from outside their school.

What stopped you from hosting a Halloween party and inviting the kids from the village?

Typo in my previous comment “your dc will miss out” not its out!

You are coming across to the other parents “my DC is better than yours and must have smaller class sizes. But of course we will let him socialise with the hoi polloi.”

By sending your child to an independent school, that the village kids don’t go to you’ve made a real effort to set yourself and your child apart (and in the villagers opinion, above).
You didn’t like that experience as a child and yet you’ve put your own dc in the same situation. But are no confused as to how come history is repeating itself.

Sorry OP, I feel your pain but I do think this is common. I don’t even live in a village but all the kids on our street go to the same primary apart from one family where the kids go private. Those kids don’t get invited to parties of kids on our street as they don’t go to the same school so the kids aren’t close as don’t spend all day with them. Just the way it is I’m afraid. The parents have confided in me that they wish they’d chosen differently but feel it’s too late to move their kids now they’re settled 😞

I’m not sure op of you e answered who the hosts were? If it was people in their individual homes then unlikely your kids would get an invite unless they’re friends with the kids? Is there a scout group? If so join that as that’s a good way of making friends and getting to do activities with people outside of the school you go to.

But you have. You rejected it when you chose somewhere else. Now you may have very good reasons for that and it may be the best choice for you, but not to consider that it would have an affect on your child's friendships was naive.
It's not deliberate, you're just not there every day.
The best thing you can do is get your child involved in a local group ... rainbows, football, horse riding whatever. You need to build local friends naturally over time and shared experiences.

Sorry but yes you have rejected it.

Most likely most in the village can't choose the private option and the smaller classes and you stand out.

Try putting your child in the local school then? That is the way back in. You can’t really have it both ways unfortunately, you’re either committed to being part of a small and close knit community, or you aren’t.

Most likely they forgot you or assumed you weren't interested. Your child spends their day away from the village and will have no priority for the local community unless you are unusually engaged in for example, volunteer work.

It depends what sort of Halloween party.

Community/parish council party in the village hall - 50p a ticket, everyone welcome, you don't need an invite and you/your child can absolutely attend.

A party in a private home, organised by a parent for their child and their child's friends - that child wants the kids they are at school with and see all the time. Your child does not get invited because they do not fall into that category.

By not sending your child there you have rejected it.

Why would they include a random child they don't know?

You've set yourself apart, and wonder why others see you as slightly apart?

How is it cruel to not include a child who doesn’t attend the school?
What you are effectively saying is the school isn’t good enough for your dc but their social activities are.
Absolutely nothing wrong with a two room school imho anyway. But if it isn’t your choice I don’t think it’s then fair to then complain your dc will it’s out.
You lived this life yourself as a child and didn’t like it but are now repeating history despite that. I’m confused by your reasoning.

If I were a local mum I would assume that if my kids were not good enough to be educated with, they wouldn’t be good enough to socialise with 🤷‍♀️ That’s probably why you are not included. In sending your child to be educated elsewhere you have shown that you want ‘better’ than the community can offer.