Joys of small family Christmas

I really dislike small family Christmases. The best Christmas we have had was when thee was loads of us...my DD still talks about it years later. Sadly some family members have died and moved away...it's not the same. I'm always with my immediate family...there's nothing special to me about a small Christmas at all.

Just myself and my husband for Xmas....we go out for Xmas lunch on Xmas eve then have steak and chips with the trimmings Xmas day. A quiet walk out for a few hours in the morning, relaxed and chilled. Perfect....no stress, people pleasing. Those days are long gone thankfully.

On having a large(r) family and gatherings with relatives.

I think there are quite a few in aibu around "do we have to host everybody again?" "Aibu not to want to travel to a big family christmas" "both sets of parents expect to see us" and so on, and they get a lot of response from people who say "oh just fit more people in" Christmas is not fun without a crowd" and so on. DH's working life meant he was often working over christmas, or at least on call which meant zero alcohol, so all our married lives we had "just us" family christmasses and socialised before and after. There is no sore point for me but its like a lot of other things on MN, some (many) people assume that their choice should be everybody's choice.

We have a small Christmas most years, comes as standard when you live abroad from
everyone. We’ve stayed at each of our parents houses for Christmas Day and dinner and the family dynamics means it’s not that great. My parents - lovely people but they are weird about food and portion sizes, and they don’t have music or Tv on during the day so it feels very sterile at their home on Christmas Day. My husband’s parents just don’t have any Christmas spirit and when we had the day at theirs I actually cried it felt so hostile - even though they’d invited us and said they were looking forward to having their grandson over for Christmas Day. They didn’t spend any quality time with him and just avoided us, it was horrible. So now we do our own thing.
This yr, our son breaks up from school early in December so we are coming back to the UK for a week to see friends and family, go to Christmas parties and be social etc, and then we are coming back home in time for a Christmas Day just the three of us. We’ve done it several times now and it’s great - we put music on, open our presents, walk the dog together, cook with each other and watch all the Christmas TV. There’s no judgement if anyone wants to pig out or have seconds, we crack open the chocolate boxes and our son happily builds his Lego/reads his books/plays board games with us etc. I worried that our son would hate it but he loves it and is quite happy having a quiet Christmas. After a week of full on socialising it’s nice to have a chilled no pressure Christmas and Boxing Day. We invite family over to ours to stay for the Christmas break and they have taken that up a few times in the past. I love hosting and have no problem with a bigger Christmas. We just have to do it on our own terms in our own home- lots of food, music and fun , and anyone who wants to come along for the ride from our family or friendship group is welcome, but we love doing it just us 3 too.

I hated Christmas as an adult because we were always travelling, long haul every second year as both sets of parents don't live locally. It was so much money and hassle to travel at the worst time of the year for what I see as a meal, purely because I felt obligated.

After the pandemic we changed our plans and now have Christmas at home, me, my husband and our cat. In the lead up to Christmas we walk around the neighbourhood every night and look at the new Christmas lights that are going up. On Christmas day we go for a beautiful walk in nature, then split the cooking between us and have a lovely meal followed by a nap and a Christmas movie in the evening. It's so cosy and peaceful and I now enjoy Christmas again. Ideal Christmas for me as an introvert.

We alternate, spending it at my in laws, spending it with my family or staying home just us and the kids.
last year we went to my sisters, it was chaotic and we didn’t stay for long. It was her and her partner, his parents and sister (who none of us had ever met), my parents, my brother and other sister, then myself my fiancé and our 3 kids.
wont be doing that again 😂
Unfortunately this year my step daughter isn’t with us on Xmas day at all and my 2 go Boxing Day so they won’t see each other but with baby on the way we’ve accepted it and making sure we have all the kids at home next year.
Bur that is absolutely my limit, I love the cosy, joyfullness of spending time just us on Xmas day.

Miss out on what?

Here here! Totally agree!

Our DS was born in 2020 so covid times, first Christmas we couldn’t be with family. It was just the 3 of us and we stayed in our Christmas PJs and did things in our pace and time.

It was great and not too overwhelming for my then 9m old. We’ve kept this every year since.

Christmas Day itself it’s just the 3 of us, and it’s perfect. We see families just before or after Christmas instead.

Our families are 2-4 hours away so not like can do a quick pop in, and it saves us so much stress and worry around Christmas doing it this way.

Each to their own but I love our special family Christmas just us 3.

Agree with you totally. Op are you projecting, is it a touchy subject? I have a small Christmas and it doesn’t occur to me to be bothered so I don’t see this “theme”. I also am an only child married to an only child with one child if our own, until parents of only children on here informed me that they were looked down on for this that had also never occurred to me and I’d never seen it.

For me I also grew up with small family Christmases. Only had 1 visiting relatives, we never spent the actual day with cousins or anything. It's what I'm used to but my DH had to get used to it.

Since 2020 it's just been me and DP for Christmas. DD spends it either at work or (on very rare occasions when they're both off on Christmas day), with her DH. They live 3 hour drive away so can't just pop in after work. Previously it was just chaos as my parents would host everybody (about 15-20 people), throughout the day. December 25th also happens to be my birthday and spending the day how I want is still quite a surreal feeling 5 years on.

on actual Christmas Day, we have it at ours. Just me, husband and kids. It’s brilliant. Kids play with their toys. We have loads of food and drink throughout the day and just enjoy the magic. Anyone who wants to come is more than welcome but we don’t move around houses or travel.
we visit inlaws and my family at Christmas too and have a brilliant time with them all, but the actual day is always at ours. But equally I wouldn’t exclude anyone; so if anyone family or friends wants to come round or is alone, then the more the merrier.
alwyas was like that growing up too and never felt like we’d missed out on something. Christmas was always incredibly special.

DH and I are having a smaller Christmas this year - and I've been feeling quite sad and nostalgic for the huge family events of the past but actually this lovely thread has made me see things rather differently! Thank you to everyone who has shared.

Our Christmas family has fluctuated over 40 years. Starting small then growing to include new children, partners, in laws, friends with no other family, divorced lone family members. We had to use two big dining tables for Christmas dinners.
Since 2000 the numbers have gradually dropped, mostly due to the death of friends and family.
In 2021 there were just 3 of us.
We are now up to 6 as one adult DC has a new partner and their parents are also included.
I don't mind how many there are at our Christmas celebrations. I do miss all those we have lost lost though.

There's only ever been the 3 of us at Christmas - which is the best thing about it all! I absolutely love our tiny Christmases, and right from when he was little we've got DS involved in deciding what new family traditions we should have for our very own Christmas, which has been good fun. This includes eating steak instead of turkey

I absolutely love our little Christmases.

We do family stuff Christmas eve and Boxing day, alternating whose family we're seeing. But Christmas day is just me and Mr. Bread, and it's bliss.

We can get up whenever we want, I usually get up first because I'm like a kid and overexcited. I can sit in peace having a cuppa and watching Christmas trash or whatever. Then we'll have eggs benny for brunch, drink some bucks fizz, stick Muppets Christmas Carol on and open our presents. Stay in our comfies all day and no pressure to get dinner done at any specific time (plus a roast for two is a piece of piss, I can bash it out in a couple of hours so no slaving away in the kitchen!) We do an after dinner quiz, play boardgames or just veg in front of a movie.

It's so chill and so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It was only DH, DS and me for years because we lived in another country from all of both families, and DH’s job always involved work on Boxing Day so we didn’t travel. Those were lovely Christmases. We have lovely memories of playing those racing Santa games by the fire, cooking deeply eccentric food, running around after DS on his first balance bike, silliness.

Last year was the first year we did a just us bit, although we did it on Boxing Day. Spent Xmas Day with the big extended family and then came home and did our Xmas Day on Boxing Day and it was lovely. Very tempted to do it again this year!

We're spending it just the two of us (DH and I) and I can't wait to not have a day of forced fun and either being hosted, or cooking all of that food.
We can have a lie in, go for a huge walk, eat a roast, watch whatever we want on TV, and skip all of the stuff we're not bothered about (Christmas pudding being one!)

We usually have a fairly large Christmas but these will get smaller in the future (larger, but getting older extended family) however my direct family is just me, my DH and our DD. Last year we spent it just the three of us in Thailand and it.was.amazing! Will absolutely be doing it again.

I met my husband in 2014, apart from one year when my adult daughter and her husband came to stay for 3 days we have always spent the day just the 2 of us. He visits his elderly mother early in the morning before she goes to his sisters.
After many many years of cooking for extended family I love the peace of quiet day just the 2 of us.

The Christmas after my dad died, 5 years after my first husband died I spent the day on my own. Had a couple of visitors earlier in the morning. It was a lovely day.

Think TV adverts are very misleading, making us think big family get togethers are such fun

I would absolutely LOVE to have Christmas with just me and DP.

We don't actually have kids and we don't have big extended families, but over the years we've always alternated between having my mum and dad or DP's mum for Christmas, with our respective sisters having them the other year (if that makes sense). So, if we're having my mum, DP's sister has MIL, and if we're having MIL, my sister has my mum.

I love my mum and my MIL dearly and of course they won't be around forever, so I try to make as much fuss of them as I can, but my god, I'd love to have Christmas Day with just me and DP now and again.

Christmas Eve we'd probably go out somewhere lovely for the morning, maybe one of the nice little towns nearby, then have lunch out and come home for the afternoon, maybe get a few food bits prepped for the next day, watch a film with a bottle of wine and some nibbles. Christmas Day would start with a leisurely morning shag followed by a cup of tea in bed listening to the radio, then we'd crack open some champagne and open presents around 11am, cook a really nice dinner together to eat late afternoon - maybe pheasant or duck or something - then go for a stroll, then we'd come back, mix a few cocktails, play a couple of board/quiz games or puzzles together while getting increasingly tipsy while grazing on leftovers and cheese, then we'd go to bed for another shag.

Boxing Day we'd go for a nice long walk, drink in a country pub, back home to watch a couple of Christmas specials we'd recorded from Christmas Day, read whatever books we got for Christmas etc. Maybe a long bath with a glass of something before bed.

Frankly, by the time the opportunity to have this kind of Christmas ever actually comes around, we'll probably be too old and knackered ourselves to enjoy it, but I can dream, right?

Since me and DH were married we always had Christmas day with just the 2 of us it was great not going anywhere. When we had kids it was the same. If people wanted to visit Christmas morning that was up to them. It's what we have always done and we love it. There are so many posts from people doing things they don't want to just to please others. Start how you mean to go on.