Joys of small family Christmas

It will be our first Xmas just the four of us after a fall out with pil, love seeing all the positivity 😊

I’m still surprised at you describing cooking for only 7 people being a small Christmas. It’s not easy to find joy in a small Christmas when it’s truly small

We were 13 last Christmas, to include 4 young kids. It was too noisy and chaotic for me. (Mainly due to 1 or 2 key culprits!). This year will be 6 - us 4 and 2 DGP. It will be ideal IMO. Personally I like to be with others and not just us 4 though, so this is a good balance for me.

We tend to host a medium-sized group on Christmas Day (us 4, my sibling, plus both sets of grandparents and sometimes DH’s sibling and her partner) and we have a lovely time. However I would say that one of our happiest christmases was the Covid one (2020) when BoJo brought in that last minute rule about only travelling for the day (my family and DH’s sister all live 100s of miles away). I had just been diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer a few days before, and obviously we had an enormous turkey, but we actually had a lovely lovely Christmas Day just the 4 of us. We had the normal Christmas Day big lunch, and went to a socially distanced church service, but because we weren’t hosting we had so much more time to spend with the children, and it all just felt a bit more relaxed somehow. I remember serving the lunch and sunshine was streaming in on the dining table and feeling very grateful for what we had. We did miss our folks obviously and we had this huge life-changing news just days before so we were still a bit shell shocked, but it was a really happy day nonetheless!

Our Christmas is getting smaller. Sometimes I do miss the Christmases when I was growing up, when we had had 10+ people round the table at my DGM’s, but it’s lovely just the 3 of us. The year before last was just me & DH, which felt strange but nice.

To be fair I haven't read the only child thread...because I have one and I know it'll probably make me feel bad!

But I do find it fascinating how people see things differently. My interpretation of the Mumsnet view around Christmas is more that there are a lot of people who are extremely introverted and don't like socialising/dislike their relatives (especially in laws) and are so adamant that a Christmas with 'their little family' is the ideal that it sort of provokes an opposite extreme reaction from people who don't see it the same way.

IRL most people I know are in the middle...waking and going to bed in their own houses with some socialising with wider family to varying degrees inbetween.

We are a little family but have a lot of relatives who we see for a busy Christmas Day, which I do really like. However one of my favourite bits of Christmas is that we usually have at least 2 days of just us...lounging in pyjamas, watching TV, eating all sorts etc with a few games thrown in that we wouldn't usually play. I find that very joyful! We also do a walk around the local roads to look at any Christmas lights on Xmas Eve, followed by a takeaway (just the 3 of us).

There’s only two of us on Christmas Day, me and DD (22). It can feel quite lonely but we try to make the best of it

We only did the 4 of us for Xmas. I don"t want other peoples' Xmas and traditions. Never hosted.
We would go and see the inlaws the Sunday before Xmas.

I have experienced real life negativity with this. I remember the first time when I lived long distance from my family and mentioned to my colleagues that I was just staying home this Christmas many of them were horrified. Some said that they couldn't believe I wasn't travelling to family.

The irony was that many of them couldn't stand the people they were spending Christmas with, I'm very close with my family but we prefer travelling to each other at less busy times.

In the past we’ve done Christmas with parents/grandparents but last few years it’s just been the four of us and I love it, there’s no pressure or stress we can enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day the kids can take their time opening presents also we’ve always stood firm in not dragging them out and about not fair on them.
It also means that we can relax over the Christmas break.

Historically we ended up spending Christmas Day somewhere other than our home as we were a childless couple and easier for us to travel. We did offer to host, but older parents and siblings with kids preferred to stay put.

So they were larger Christmas's and OK, but it was always someone else's house, I never got a lie in as we had to be up and travelling, couldn't lie on the sofa in my PJs, read my new book and eat chocolate. I appreciated the effort put in by the hosts, but it was too formal.

Once DS came along I started to resent this, and after extremely annoying SIL changed varying arrangements two days before Xmas, including insisting they would host again (rather than PILs who lived closer) which meant us having to do a 6 hour round trip in the car for the third year in a row, with PILs in car as well, so I was squashed up next to the car seat in the back, I put my foot down and refused to go anywhere for Christmas after that.

So for the last 15 years Christmas Day has been spent at home. PILs came to us while they were still alive, and Sister and BIL will often come over late afternoon for board games, but predominantly it's us, having a nice relaxed time, munching mince pies and drinking our tipples of choice.

we usually host 6 adults, two kids, or travel to see family, where it can be up to 10 adults, two kids. This year because of how it’s fallen and work commitments, it will just be the four of us for the majority, and I am absolutely over the moon about it. We may still host over new years, or possibly the 20th/21st Dec, but for 23rd-30th it’s just us and I’m looking forward to it.
My kids are slightly older, so no longer believing in Santa, but not quite teenagers so it feels like a sweet spot.
I am expecting pub visits, walks along the river and playing games. We brought kids against humanity so they should be fun.

When my kids were younger we spent every Christmas doing gifts first thing then getting showered, dressed and driving 90 minutes to visit my parents/DH's parents who live in the same town, to have dinner, then go to my DH's parents for tea before driving home again at the end of the day. Although it was nice to have the big family Christmas and the family time it was very stressful and we were always clock watching, making sure we gave each set of grandparents equal time. The kids were exhausted by the end of the day. As they got a little older they became more vocal about not wanting to leave their toys and having to spend Christmas travelling and not being able to relax with their presents. So we decided that the next year we were going to have Christmas Day on our own, just the 4 of us, and that we would do the travelling to see the parents on Boxing Day instead.

That is when we all truly started to enjoy our Christmas Day. No pressure to be up by a certain time, no needing to be on the road by a certain time, no clock watching, no worrying about the kids wanting to be home with their presents. We would have a lovely dinner, followed by games in the evening, a movie and chocolates and DH would open a bottle of champers. New traditions began and we did that every Christmas from there until the kids grew up and became adults and we did our family visits on Boxing Day.

We love our small Christmas Day gatherings although our table is now graced by our DD's boyfriends also which is wonderful. 😊🎄

I hate hosting. Find it very stressful. I will have 4 this year. Was hoping it.might just be me and DH but DD1 is coming with a friend.

Same here! DH’s family have the big gathering, and it’s just chaos - noise and yelling and nobody having a proper chat, loads of dishes to do and too many hyper kids. I grew up with 1 sibling, 2 parents and 2 grandparents each year, and it was lovely!

I’m an only child so it’s only ever been small for me and never felt like I’ve missed out but now I have 3 children. It’s still only ever us and my husband and my mum though and that’s enough for me. We visit my MIL on the afternoon and my husbands side of the family are usually milling about there.

I've never had a big family Christmas. Only child, no family beyond parents and often was just 2 of us for Christmas as a kid because other parent was working.

I was always made to feel like I was missing out somehow (not just by other people, but the whole media/social media pushing big family Christmas as the ideal). And my mum always apologised that Christmas was boring, although she did her best and I wasn't unhappy.

Nowadays it's usually just me, DH & 2 kids which I'm fine with - I think in my "old age" I'm resigned to it and happy with my normal! I think I'd find hosting to be fairly stressful. Thankfully DH's family aren't interested so no risk there. 😆

At the end of the day, everyone should just do what they enjoy for Christmas.
One year I go to my mums where my 3 siblings are their with all the grandkids (4 kids, 8 grandkids) and then the alternate year I go to DH mums and it's just his mum, me, him and our 2 kids.
I absolutely much prefer the 'bigger family christmas' the small one is just boring to me, but that's just my preference.
It shouldn't matter, and id never assume someone's christmas was shit because it's small.

Neither of us have family nearby so we've spent years travelling at Christmas but we both hate it - the long drive there and back, what feels like enforced jollity and a certain family member who goes on about 'making memories'. In recent years we've started having more Christmases with just the two of us at home and it's lovely. We agreed years ago on keeping it simple so we don't buy each other gifts and there's no faff. A couple of weeks ago we talked about what to cook on the day and have decided to make pizza which we're both looking forward to that so much. We've been making pizzas together for 40 years and have a good method, plus we both know exactly what we like on them, so it will be delicious. We'll light the fire, cook and then snuggle up and be quiet.

Can’t imagine anything worse than a large family Christmas, but then I’m an only child and so is my husband. We’ll see our families on Christmas Eve, and then Christmas Day will be spent just us and our son relaxing at home. I love a slow day at home together where he can just enjoy opening his presents and playing with his new toys. We’ll eat a small Christmas dinner, no fuss just a small roast. If it’s dry well wrap up and go for a walk and feed the ducks. In the evening we’ll put on a Christmas movie, light the fire, and have hot chocolates. It’s my dream day.

For a few years there was the 4 of us on Christmas day, which was lovely. This year just the 2 of us. We will see the kids over the festive season, but they are off living their own lives.
Really looking forward to a chilled day with the dogs.

But they may not want or enjoy those things.

I've said YABU because all the threads I see are either about how people are having Christmas with "just their little family" and how much they prefer this, or how much they dislike having relatives over or going to relatives, so I really don't see the threads you are seeing! In fact I have posted a few times to defend my preference for a big family Christmas as it seems most people don't like it.

i bloody love a huge Christmas, sometimes ours have been 16-20 people. I have step siblings and lots of cousins too.
the bigger the better !!!

It's so interesting that people are so different. A Christmas like that would be my worst nightmare, and would also have been my worst nightmare as a child too! I remember going back to school after the Christmas holidays and friends telling me about spending Christmas with all their aunts and uncles and cousins and everyone staying over and so on, and I always used to think it just sounded really stressful! But I know lots of people would love it. Loads of my friends get really excited about a 'big' Christmas and it's lovely to hear about how much they enjoy it each year.

By contrast, I have a nephew who is now 20 and has to spend every Christmas with his mum's huge extended family - we're talking his mum and his five siblings, grandparents, 20 aunts and uncles and about 10-15 cousins. Last time I saw him we were talking about Christmas and he confessed that he hates the 'big' Christmas and that when he was a child he just longed for a Christmas where he could open his presents and actually just have space to sit and play with his new toys on the living room floor and chill out, without random aunts and uncles treading on him and cousins getting in his face.