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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a fourth baby at 42?

119 replies

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 02/11/2025 23:48

I know no one can really answer this, but I’m driving myself mad. Have 3 kids. Two teenagers and one toddler. I will be 42 next year. Generally fit and well although am overweight (considerably). I can’t get the idea of having a 4th out of my head, partly to give my little one a sibling closer in age but also I just don’t feel I’m ’done’ yet. BUT. I just don’t know if it’s pushing our luck at my age. Pregnancies generally straightforward but have had 3 c sections. Arghh. I don’t know. I’d want to lose some weight first and my cut off would be having the baby before I turned 43 so if getting pregnant hadn’t happened by 42 and a couple of months I’d give up the idea. Is it a stupid idea?

YABU = forget it, it’s too risky and you have 3 kids
YANBU = it’s not off the table, why not try?

OP posts:
Fuckmyliferightnow · 03/11/2025 02:18

I’m honestly not being horrible. No one thinks of the child's future. My partner is 40 and has an elderly mother who is now in poor health. He has a stressful job and is pulling his hair out because his mum needs him so much more now. It’s hard for him. You’ve said you’re overweight, so you could be in poor health later on. Lose the weight anyway and be the healthiest you can be for your 3 children.

Squiggles23 · 03/11/2025 01:59

OP what happens if you have a child with a disability (which could happen given increased risk).

I would just focus on the wonderful kids you have. It's not really fair on the teenagers at the point. I can say that having been in the teens position, having a pregnant parent takes a lot away from your own growth & stage of life. The little one doesn't need another sibling.

Imanautumn · 03/11/2025 01:56

Fuckmyliferightnow · 03/11/2025 01:28

When your child is 40 you’ll be 82. Do you think it’s fair that they should be burdened with (probably) looking after you when they’re still very much of working age and trying to raise their own family?

Wouldn’t her other kids also be looking after her??

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/11/2025 01:36

(We’ve also had the sense to provide for our old age too ….)

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/11/2025 01:35

Fuckmyliferightnow · 03/11/2025 01:28

When your child is 40 you’ll be 82. Do you think it’s fair that they should be burdened with (probably) looking after you when they’re still very much of working age and trying to raise their own family?

We were 40 and 46 when our youngest appeared, completely unexpectedly .
He’s 22 now and buying his own home, with our help …🤷‍♀️

Fuckmyliferightnow · 03/11/2025 01:28

When your child is 40 you’ll be 82. Do you think it’s fair that they should be burdened with (probably) looking after you when they’re still very much of working age and trying to raise their own family?

BruFord · 03/11/2025 01:13

You’re already thinking about your health, which is great. What about time and finances? Will you need to cut back on anything for your current children if you have a fourth, for example?

I thought that I wanted four children, but realized that four would really stretch us financially and time-wise. So I ignored the urge!

RampantIvy · 03/11/2025 01:07

Quit while you are ahead.

Nsky62 · 03/11/2025 00:31

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 03/11/2025 00:26

Thanks all. Mixed responses as expected. The toddler would be 4 by the time I had the baby, if I got pregnant early ish next year.

That’s assuming you can

SnowFrogJelly · 03/11/2025 00:30

YABU 3 is more than enough.. enjoy what you have

Original poster
autumnnightsaredrawingin · 03/11/2025 00:26

Thanks all. Mixed responses as expected. The toddler would be 4 by the time I had the baby, if I got pregnant early ish next year.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 03/11/2025 00:25

How chill is your toddler? 2 toddlers is a lot more to manage than one when you're trying to do things with your older children. We have 4, with a gap in-between 2 and 3 but a smaller gap than teens, I was more than 10 years younger than you are and no c sections. There are lovely parts to it, but also challenges too- your older kids still need you for lots and it's harder to bring 2 little ones everywhere so sometimes ends up less family time because parents have to do some each

freakingscared · 03/11/2025 00:17

Go for it before it’s too late . Who cares what others think , if you have the finances , the room and the love go for it

Polly199068 · 03/11/2025 00:04

Multiple cs are recommended against as the scar tissue can lead to complications. Three is the desired max really.

Puskiesauce · 02/11/2025 23:54

I've had 4 c sections (on medical advice) so I wouldn't let that be an issue.

Polly199068 · 02/11/2025 23:50

And the three sections

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/11/2025 23:50

How realistic is it that you will loose the weight in time?

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/11/2025 23:50

Considerably overweight and 42 puts you at risk during pregnancy. I’d think about my existing kids first, tbh.

Polly199068 · 02/11/2025 23:49

Lots of increased risks but it’s up to you, no one else can say.