Parents hoarding money

Thinking about it though it’s probably 3 different carers doing 8 hours so yes it would add up - doesn’t make sense to me financially , I guess it must be what that person wants though

I couldn’t tell as they said care at home, but didn’t say live in care - it could have meant 4 times a day for 40 minutes etc - honestly if it’s really that much that’s £12.5k a month, far more than any high end residential home , plus bills and food too - someone is making a packet off this and I doubt it’s the carer either . I think that’s scandalous money. If it was equal cost - say £6000 a month I can kind of see it as an alternative that the elderly person might prefer, decent money for carer and probably a high agency mark up too but that amount to me is off the scale

It can’t be a month, that would be £100 a day. Even if the carers were paid minimum wage 24 hour care would cost £2051 a week without any on costs.

Do you genuinely mean ‘a week’ not a month ? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to get a top end residential home if it is ‘a week’ ?

We've got a 'needy' sibling. Once that family realised plane tickets, hotels, meals, entry fees would be covered with baby sitting that was it.
Sadly that family now need money for unhappy reasons and of course bank of mum and dad is being tapped. The other siblings got a text, no discussion, saying 'i feel dreadful this means less inheritance for you'.
However the sums are so great, it can't be ignored. So it's all being clocked & rectified at the point of final reckoning and sibling is not happy about that!

First of all, the father is wise to keep track of the money so as to avoid overstepping tax-free gifting limits. Secondly, he has an accurate record to make things clear after he's dead - depending on what his will says.

I know three families where parents have been approached by a single sibling for "inheritance in advance". They all said no.

I can't help but think you must be the sibling that wants to take as much as possible on the sly and still expects an equal share of the inheritance.

Why shouldn't the parent keep track of who's had what and take that into account in their will?

Keeping everything fair is admirable. Good for him.

Family are great, who need enemies when someone keeps track of stuff like this?

My father has a book and has told me in the past how much he spent on my flute lessons (as a child). Needless to say I have a ‘limited’ relationship with him ☹️

My ILs do this. They are willing to help out if needed for a repair bill/extension/house deposit etc but FIL has a spreadsheet of how much he's loaned/gave to which child, and a running total on what each child will receive in inheritance after deductions have been taken into account.

My grandmother currently has care at home, £3k a week. She has 15 months worth in cash and then that’s it 🤷‍♀️ it sounds like a shit ton money wise, but time-wise…? Scary.

20k per year. Easy to have a few hundred grands’ worth later in life if you put 20k in per year each.

Typo! £2 k per person!

£300k in ISAs? I thought the limit per person was £20k?

Well said GasPanic!

@GasPanic yep I agree with that too - my FIL gives me really nice cash presents at birthday and xmas ( 11 days apart) - usually around£300 or so in total as I think he knows it helps us pay for all the xmas food and drink ( which he does of course benefit from too) - I prefer thoughts like this and bits ‘if and when we need it ‘ and know there’s enough in his pot for any needs he may have at some point ( he’s 86) , care, cleaner , gardener, handyman, access to private health etc - I think a big problem is parents who boast about what they have , let others struggle without ‘any’ help whatsoever however small , become tight Asa ducks arse and then also have huge expectations of their family ‘helping them out’ time wise

No one has got right to anyone else's money.

But no one is obliged to sit in front of (or do anything for) a tone deaf individual boasting about how much cash they've got while they are struggling either.

I agree and posted as such awhile ago - I would rather my FIL at 86 has funds to make choices if and when needed that don’t require me going over 3 times a day ( he’s 12 miles away) or doing any intimate care . Could we do with some of his largesse? Most definitely - we are in our early 60s and rent - but I would still rather he had choices , if we inherit at some point then that would be marvellous , but if he spent the lot, I accept that it’s his choices, his money

Totally agree. I just don't understand these CFs who think they've got some god given right to other people's money.

Geographical location comes into it. I recall a friend in her fifties who drove hundreds of miles every weekend to care for her mother while having a full time job. She had a massive stroke, wound up in assisted living in a much worse state than her mother health wise, who continued to live independently

In the end, in this culture, you are responsible for yourself- if you brought children into the world that was your choice, not some kind of weird elder insurance.
My sister in law is Chinese (but brought up in the UK) and from her son being around 4 years old she has continually told him he is responsible for looking after her when she is old- she did this because she realised this is not part of English culture-elders are not revered and sacrificed for in the same way.
The upshot is my nephew has never left home, despite having 2 different job offers and the ability to do so, he has never been married or had a long term relationship. He works from home off and on supported by his mother- he is just home help in waiting- revolting.

This is an excellent reason that parents should hold onto their own funds. Even if they help the younger generation, there is no reasonable expectation that they will be able to help back, if that earlier help leaves you short in your old age. As a child of someone in a poorly prepared retirement, you don't actually do your child any favours if you put yourself in a bad position. It adds stress and worry for them.

This is part of the problem for many. Mum and Dad expect to be cared for "after all we did for you" but dont cop on to the fact that that involves a loss of income for the carer. "Well we did it for your grandma" yes but then you were living in a single income family with two adults. A lot of people now are living in double income families because thats the only way they can afford to pay the bills or single income families with one adult and no back up. So its not as simple as Jeff paying the bills and Jane looking after the parents.

And on top of being on the poverty line (or often below it) we are told we are being selfish.

people have to survive though so if they give up work and their income to look after their parent how will they live ?

Some prices are shocking. In my first job I earned ,£5 a week, paying nearly that for a coffee in a paper cup does seem shocking to me, I can't help that and one day you might feel the same depending on how inflation goes.

I do buy a coffee now and then, I just use my debit card and try not to think of it as real money.