Parents hoarding money

Which just increases the cost for the people who do pay. If more people actually paid their fair share the govt could subsidise the cost surely, or the cost would come down for everyone. As it is, poorer people with more modest assets are subbing the cost of care for the wealthy who have used all the dodges, which is insanely unfair.

There are billions more humans on the planet than there were 25 years ago. Of course competition for all resources, including jobs and housing, is going to be fierce and only get worse.

Yet there are currently several threads on MN about people feeling “broody” for an umpteenth child. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t heard that. I’ve read that income tax is likely to increase by 2% and NI to reduce by 2% which isn’t quite the same thing. In any event NI was reduced by 3% last year so even a 2% tax increase will leave most people in employment better off than they were in March 2024.

Im very pleased to hear that NI is likely to be added to all income in the next budget.

you are taxed on your pension income at the same levels as earned income

Not true because you don’t pay NI on pension income. If you take money out of an ISA you don’t pay tax on it, there’s no need to keep it there to reap the tax benefit.

You can save up to 20k per tax year so over time you can accumulate at large total savings

Yr 1 - 20k
Yr 2 - 20k + 20k

Achieving a capital sum to earn interest on tax free income on - reducing tax liability is a key aim as you are taxed on your pension income at the same levels as earned income

My point was the ‘hoarding’ of cash might be to generate the above tax free income.

I think different generations have it hard in different ways, but really think our children are likely to have it the hardest, with limited jobs etc. Older millennials and above, like me, often walked into our first jobs so easily that some of us don't realise what it is like now.
No, no one is entitled to take what our elders worked for (in my case, mine have little) but if I were in your shoes, I admit I would resent his comments. In his situation, I would be giving you/the rest of my family things to make their lives easier, maybe discussing charity donations as a family, and much more importantly, babysitting as long as you and your partner (and my health) permitted it.

Oh that is shit and I am so sorry that they did that.

But sorry, I still dont think its generational. My mother is like that, my father isnt. My sisters FIL was like that, her MIL isnt. I have an aquaintance like that who is in her 30's. Her view is "why should I pay if I can get someone to do it for nothing?" with no regard to the time or effort cost to them.

They valued their own money over your time and struggles, so that must be very hurtful. But if you brought it up with your mum I am sure her comeback would be "But you will inherit it all!", even though we all know that you may not.

I have noticed that with age (whatever generation) comes selfishness for some and it sounds like that is what you are dealing with.

I do think it’s a generational thing.

It clearly isn’t. There would be no generous parents if that was the case.

They were doting! Wonderful parents. I had a wonderful childhood. They were always very generous too. Quite an odd turnaround around the time I had children. Fair enough - they wanted us to stand on our own feet at that point but with what I know now, it seems cruel to have watched us struggle financially, while taking days off work and spending our weekends cleaning / painting/ fixing at their house that they were letting fall apart out of a total unwillingness to part with any of their piles of money. With 2 toddlers in tow - absolutely exhausted ourselves. The last days I had with my dad I was so busy cleaning their house and fixing things because they “couldn’t afford” to pay someone to do it. Heartbreaking.
I do think it’s a generational thing.

I'm not sure it is generational to be honest. Some people are just like that.

Mean with money, mean with everything so I suspect that your parents were not exactly doting?

The whole attitude towards money is a generational difference for sure.

Not necessarily. My son’s mortgage free because I passed a chunk of my inheritance on and we’re paid for two of our kids to do masters degrees. We’re not all the same.

Just to add very few people pay for care. More and more are disposing of capital before that situation arises.

My parents similar. I only know because my dad died recently and my mum was unwilling to do any of the paperwork so I had to do it all alongside work, a house move, young kids etc. So I had to do it all while she scrolled on her phone next to me. I was flabbergasted at the of money amount there was. Particularly as they “could not afford” cleaners, handy people for anything so my husband and I spent countless hours cleaning, fixing, painting, gardening. My kids get £5 for Christmas from them if they are lucky. My grandparents never had much but were always giving me money and paid for some of my music lessons etc. my parents- not a penny towards that type of thing. and My mum still expects us to buy her dinner, shopping etc, despite the fact that I know (because I had to sort her pension) that she gets more than our entire household income per month.
I was actually very hurt because when my kids were babies I was in a profession where to progress I needed to get a qualification I had to pay for (but couldn’t afford). I was stuck so left the profession. I now know my parents could have paid for my exams from a couple months interest alone. But they didn’t offer a penny. Then, right after my dad died my mum told me how disappointed in me my dad was that I left that profession. It was such a horrible thing to hear.
The whole attitude towards money is a generational difference for sure. I hope I will be more generous with my children.

With respect, £250k isn't a huge amount if you need to live for another 20 years and probably pay for care at the end. The man worked and saved, and probably is only 'boasting' because he had very little his whole life and now sees this as a huge amount. Maybe he is arrogant, I don't know, and of course he should help his children and grandchildren where he can - but it would not be unreasonable for him to feel that he can't. Sorry - you don't have a right to demand his money. Still, would be better to have a decent relationship where you can discuss these things without bitterness.

Maybe he’s thinking he might need it for care/care home fees. My DM has no savings and I’m sure I’ll have to help her at some point. I wish she was able to save.

Haha the member of my family that has been counting on their inheritance for decades is as conservative as they come. Greedy people exist across the political spectrum.

To the OP never ending talk about money is tiring. Just say what a nice problem to have and change the subject. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You'll be glad they have the money if, god forbid, they require care later on. It's far better to have options than relying on state/local provision.

I’m in a similar situation. My parents have cash in the bank, rental properties, an expensive house (in the best catchment area) and spend most of their time writing poetry and meditating. Meanwhile we’re paying off student loans, caring for two young children, paying for childcare, and feeling tremendously guilty we couldn’t afford to live in a better area for our kids. My dad also frequently says they don’t have enough money.

the truth is, my parents lucked out and didn’t have student debts, had huge parental help with their first house, were on the housing ladder in their twenties, and have seen the price of their property go up in value 900% since purchase. Yes it’s their money but there’s a lot of luck there and it blows my mind when they complain about not having enough around us. Honestly, I’d just say to your dad you find his comments tone deaf and you’d like him to stop talking about money around you. I said something similar to my dad a few years back and I think it took him out of his own bubble for a moment and he no longer does it. He does still complain about being tired though because he only had 7.5 hours sleep… (screams inside while holding twelve month old baby) !

Presumably there’s a house to sell as well.

Not really - the average stay is two and a half years, which £250k would cover.

£250K is chicken feed in relation to care home costs.

If he's after finding ways to tuck his money away, I'd suggest trust funds / uni funds for grandkids and see what his response is. If he's not amused then, yes, he's a twat. All I ever had from my parents was abuse then out on my arse at 16. For different reasons I find myself wondering, as my son hits different stages, how they could have acted the way they did. It's natural. I move heaven and earth for him, where as my parents were completely self-obsessed. Abuse or no, it seems a common theme for Gen X children of boomers and early millennial children of early Gen X parents. Some people are just trash and all you can do is be better.

Sounds great and lots of elderly would thrive in a lovely environment like this. Wonder if they would ask you to leave when the money ran out.

@No5ChalksRoad I do get that and totally respect your choice- your cash , your choice! Can I ask, is it that you’ve had a bad experience with a residential care home or just hate the idea- we live in Bath and I went to visit someone and was shocked how nice it was, more like popping to a decent 4 star hotel and the residents were happy and chatty and had company , I do appreciate many places aren’t like this but I was pleasantly suprised - but this was at the £1850 a week level

It would be worth it, to me, to avoid being in a care facility. I’ve “hoarded” 🙄 a great deal of money for that purpose.