Parents hoarding money

My father had great enjoyment watching his grandchildren each getting a house deposit when he downsized and used his savings. He said it was the best thing he could have done as he was here to see this. Luckily they were all sensible and guided by parents.
As long as possible he will be cared for by family however we cannot guarantee this as who knows what lies ahead.

Oh I hear you sista. We are singing from the same hymn sheet! Mine has no humility or understanding. He had long boozy dinners in the city, came home pissed as a fart from work on a final salary pension. I work on a modest salary as a medical professional. He does nothing but moan about the younger generation. Got to love him though 😬😬😬

I hope you're never given the right to decide when your 'elderly' relation dies! They're a bit inconvenient - kill them. They're costing too much of your inheritance- kill them. Hooe you're ok with someone deciding to bump you off because they consider you no longer worth anything. Enjoy the prospect. Euthenia is a slippery slope.

Fair point! And I hope you do last, all of you.

Of course we’re lasting - the oldest of us are 80 and the youngest are 61. Average life expectancy is 82. I don’t expect to live as long as my Great Generation parents who were 99 and 97 when they died.

There's also bloody loads of them, and thanks to their high quality of life, they're lasting! I do not wish them dead! However, I do wish them humility. My parents both acknowledge their extreme privilege as a generation. But the ones that are oblivious to how kindly life has treated them in terms of housing, education, health, etc. and put their fortunate circumstances wholey down to their own savvy and graft, are so infuriating. I also have a lot to say about how professional standards from that generation to this have become a lot more exacting than they were. Life is harder and more demanding because of this. Imagine a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants teacher or socials worker in the 1970s. These people don't exist anymore. I work in maternity. The audits and reviews, the constant scrutiny... it's the same across medicine. Being a professional nowadays is a different game. I am happy to hear views contrary to this, and I realise I have gone off on a Boomer rant tangent!! Apologies. Anger issues!

I’m a boomer (just). Currently I do have a lot more disposable income than my children (early 30s) thanks to inheritance from my parents and no longer having a mortgage etc. We had our share of struggling financially when our sons were growing up thanks to stupidity high interest rates of approx 14% in the 90s and me giving up work, but we survived. My sons will in all probability be more affluent than us. They’re both have bought property and are high earners. I do think though you’re right in that your past experiences does influence your attitude to money etc. having struggled in the past were of the mindset enjoy it. There are no pockets in a shroud! My sons probably know they’ll get a good inheritance but they don’t expect it.

You’ve summed it up perfectly there. Boomer swagger is definitely what my dad has. Thank you for giving it a name.

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I think it's just indicative of the generational shift that's happening. Boomers simply have a lot more money than their children. They're an outlier generation- the peak of wide-reaching British wealth. We're on the decline and my generation (age 46) is the first generation to step onto the downward slope; it is galling in the extreme. We're working hard but we're never (collectively) going to attain the standard of living our parents did. I have benefited from my Boomer parent's excess income. I have property that I bought because of my mum's frugal living and generosity. She was a single mum teacher. Some people in that generation (including my mum) experienced real poverty as kids. I think that combination - slum childhood, affluent adulthood, CAN make people a) think they are self-made (they're mostly not -they are age made, as in made by the age they were born into), and b) tight for fear and memory of poverty. I get very irritated by Boomer swagger, but I do think it's a symptom of their life experiences and the decades they lived through.

Why do you think we're talking about euthanasia now in a serious way

I don't know if it's the case with your dad, but I think many people who were brought up in poverty just cannot quit the habit of saving money and not "frittering" it away. It's baked in to their consciousness and no amount of reasoning can shift it.

We feel exactly the same.

Personally, if I do need care I’d like to be in control of when I get it and what I get, not at the mercy of someone who works for a local council. So that needs money.

If you dont invest it to generate income, if they dont have a state pension, if they don't have a private pension, if you don't apply for attendance allowance.

Care is expensive but no need to scare people more than necessary.

that money will look after one person in a care home for two and a half years, puts it in perspective

That won't go far if he ends up needing care though, not sure why you're so unhappy about it OP. Would you prefer he gives you the money now, and then you end up doing the caring?

Yes re NI - I was referring to the tax allowance thresholds so if your pension income tips you over into 40% brackets it can be helpful to have interest income from a capital amount that is tax free and offset the tax liability . Apologies this was not clear in my post.

If you want a tax free income you DO need to keep it there to generate the interest income from the capital amount. If you save 300k that will generate 1k tax free income per month…based on a 4% interest rate, clearly this is subject to inflation and the net value maybe less that 4% - which is why you should also have other sources of retirement income. But cash ISAs carry the least risk.

(compared to withdrawing 12k per year which deplete the capital amount and reduced passive income)

You have a capital amount to access for use should you need to for emergency/essential large costs such as roof repair or care needs and maybe a lump sum to leave in a will.

Your df might be tone deaf and should not be talking about his savings however you sound unbearably entitled, you have 2 children in their teens and 2 adults working 75 hrs per week between them, this is hardly the most exhausting time of parenthood and you and your spouse are hardly working 80 hour weeks. Maybe try and concentrate on what you have and if you want more maybe look at a way to achieve that.

Mentioned several times before that it’s likely he has a house to potentially sell.

If he goes into a care home he will have to self fund running into tens of thousands pounds a year. £250k would only last 5years or even less. If he gives it away the council will see it as him avoiding being self funded and not pay towards his care. When he was your age I can promise you, he and your mother, would also have been struggling unless he earned really well above average salary. I remember having to wait for the next family allowance before doing the shopping, dreading the gas and electricity bill etc and we both had well paid jobs. Today I'm comfortably well off but never went on holiday until I was in my late 40s. I can count on one hand the number of times we went out for a meal in 20 years when newly married with school aged children. We put a little aside when we could so we could have a comfortable old age.
Are you prepared to pay towards his care if and when needed?

obviously it’s not his responsibility to solve. And I’m thinking more about parents here but some parents are concerned about this problem, some aren’t. I disagree that everyone has the ability to save enough and that it is always about unrealistic lifestyle choices. Sometimes, yes.

How is any of that granddad’s responsibility to solve, or even be concerned about? He doesn’t control the future.

Everyone can save if they truly are motivated. People have unrealistic lifestyle expectations these days.

if your grandad needed this to pay for his care how does he think you or your children are going to afford their care? It’s getting harder and harder to save for a decent pension and more and more expensive to pay for care with each generation. This is what frustrates me. Some parents get it and some don’t.

£250,000 is not all that much if you need to start drawing it down for care needs. If this is never needed, I assume you'll get some of it, at least, eventually.

It certainly isn't enough to enhance your ongoing standard of living unless you expect him to hand over all or most of it every month.

Have you tried asking for a particular sum when a big bill has come up? Would he help out on that basis? My father has always been keen to pass money on (yes, I know I'm lucky) but it's usually been in relation to a specific one-off need - eg to buy a property slightly out of our reach. But overall I don't especially want his money- I prefer to stand on my own two feet.

He sounds miserly but that's his choice and no one else's business. I have somewhat miserly instincts myself in that I avoid what I see as wasting money, whilst still spending what I need to enjoy life. One of my dc spends hers on stuff she doesn't need and it irks me, but she earns the money so that's up to her (and my brother was the same till around the age of 30).