Parents hoarding money

If their saved money pays for their care when they eventually need it, the rest of their estate will probably be left to their children.

That’s one way of looking at it.

I’d rather see my children enjoy it whilst I’m alive personally, but not everyone is the same.

If he has £250,000 saved (not hoarded) that gives him a potential interest income of about £10,000 a year (before tax) not exactly a huge amount.

Yes, that's very familiar. I don't want other people's money either but there's a tension as though they feel guilty about having so much from frankly just the housing market. And they think I should want it possibly? But don't 🤣

My in laws are the same. It’s sad knowing they knew we struggled sometimes, like when my job ended as the company went bust, nothing I did wrong, they never offered to help and we are still paying off debt 4 years later.

Well said.

I know someone who bangs on about he has plenty of money and I'm comfortable enough. I just smile and reply "That's nice," and channel my inner Mrs Brown.

OMG, are you me?! My dm keeps banging on about how much money she has. I know exactly how much she has, I have POA. She says she doesn’t need it and told me last time I visited that her plan was to go to the cash point and withdraw the max from 2 accounts per day and give it to me because that’s an easy way to pass on cash without complications but then didn’t follow through. I asked if she still wanted to do this but she said ‘I gave you £100 for your birthday!’ Absolutely fair enough, that was very generous, no way do I want to push that, nor do I need it.

I have suggested that she gives my cousin some money/pays for days out. My cousin takes her out, visits, makes sure she’s ok, has discovered her unable to get off the floor twice, called the ambulance, visited her in hospital, looked after her when she got out. My cousin has multiple dc and would seriously benefit from a couple of grand, but my dm is determined (I think) to hoard her money and ensure me and my sibling inherit her house/money 50/50. She mentions this a lot. We have both repeatedly told her we have no need of her money and that she should spend it on whatever she fancies/something frivolous/my cousin/the dc-there are 7 between 2 cousins who are like dgc to her. However, her money, her choice, but she keeps asking my cousin what she should do with her money!

I'm 39 and will never own a home. I recently found out that my db's girlfriend wants my dps to sell their house to buy a big house as db's deposit isn't enough for her. A house bought for less than 40k that's now a mil at least.

I was fucking outraged by it, I hope they piss it all up the wall on holidays before it's too late.

So if you get to 85 still a 9out of 10 chance you are NOT in a cars home. So not a case of ," he will ," spend all his money on care

Did you do without as children?

What he does with his money is none of his adult children’s business.

True, and what I’d also add, as someone who did retire last year, is that not having a regular salary drop into your account every month, or the ability to move jobs and increase your income, does rather focus the mind on what resources you have available for the short/medium/long term!

Likewise changes in tax / government policy are harder to make up for. When you’re working you have choices, either to push for a pay rise, promotion or move jobs. And large, unexpected expenses are one thing when you’re working, but another when your only income is from the assets you’ve managed to accumulate and that a government without a plan is keen to relieve you of!

My parents are currently spending the equivalent of about £7500/mo for services in an upscale retirement home. This will increase substantially if they need a higher level of care.

They are reasonably generous to their DGC but not overly so. We are all very glad that they are prioritising their own end of life care.

That money does them for the rest of their lives and with all the talk of governments not being able to afford the cost of old age it’ll be needed!

He should buy assets, not keep that much as cash.

The idea that there is a difference in council funded care and private care is not accurate. one of the reasons care home fees are so high is that private payers subsidise council funded places in the same care homes. As always those who have planned and saved end up just subsidising those who rely on the state.

Gosh

my dad is similar, he’s late 80s and the money has meant he can afford top notch private care home where he is happy and looked after and my siblings and I can just visit him for meals or take him out

he’s worked hard and lived carefully and this is how he is spending it, now that he is frail and he needs it, and it is wonderful that he can do this.

that money was never mine, my own life is up to myself. Why do you feel your dad owes you? Was he not a good dad supporting you into adulthood and independence?

Yes Mil spends over 100k per year on her adequate, but by no means glamorous care home. She had assets of 500k. Now she has bugger all. Your Dad's money may not go far when it comes to the crunch. Also if he deliberately deprives himself of assets by giving it to you, social services won't step in when he runs out of money.

It won’t go far if he needs care

Yeah my dad in particular has this fear, I don’t think it ever truly goes away for some people

A little bit similar position here. My dad also wealthy in retirement. They are quite generous with it which is nice and I won’t lie it makes life much easier and I am very grateful. Occasionally though I see a bit of something ugly that grates on me as sometimes he’ll say he’ll pay for xyz so we all go along with the plan, then at the end ask for a contribution! Then the next day or soon after he’ll be on the phone telling me he’s made such and such investment which he will transfer to us at whatever date. I think ‘I’ve just paid you £300 for the thing we did (that we did for you) so why are you now basically sending it back!!’ It’s all a bit farcical and I wonder sometimes if he’s gone a bit senile!!!

Next time he brags about it just say,"you better save a bit harder it 4.5k a month for a care home, looks like you'll need it!!

25% of people need some help with care in old age, and 2.5% end up in care homes. So that’s a cost of probably somewhere between £100 and £2,000 a week for quality, non council care. But if you are over 85 there’s a 10% chance of being in a care home, and if you are over 95 it’s nearer 40%. And as, generally, there’s a positive correlation to affluence and longevity many people will need some savings for care, and some will need quite substantial ones.

And anyway, there are plenty of other threads bemoaning the fact that parents expect to be looked after by relatives… so it seems to me that the OPs father is being reasonably sensible. He probably prefers being independent.

Yes and I’m giving you mine.

That’s true of course. This thread is about our own opinions though (isn’t that the point of MN?!)