Parents hoarding money

Exactly.

This. The greedy resentment and entitlement on her is off the charts.

£250k Isn’t all that much, either, to fund old age & care home.

Hope hes going to be happy to spend it all.in care home fees potentially

Both my parents (divorced) had very little but when my father died and later when I took over my mother's affairs I found they were supporting 7 or 8 charities between them. I have significantly more wealthy in laws that have confirmed they do not support any charities. In fact they have a rather bitter and sneering approach to the idea of helping anyone they aren't related to. I'd add they haven't financially helped relatives either yet although they seem to spend much of their time anticipating leaving it after their death. I'm beginning to think their is an element of ego attached to it. It feels quite sad as their children are doing well enough that I don't think it will mean as much to them to receive it as it does to them to leave it, if that makes sense. I can't help thinking everyone would have benefitted more if they had emotionally nutured their relationship with their children and spent more of the money making memories with them.

Care homes are expensive. £1200 per week means £4,800 a month so £57,600 a year. If there are medical needs or dementia then it will cost a lot more. So if you put granny in a home and she is there for 7 years without any medical support/dementia then with inflation you will not see any change out of say easily £415,000. A friend’s mother has been in homes for 10 years without any the last three being dementia support (pricey south-east), the care home has dragged her estate to below the IHT threshold.

why does them being frugal with themselves drive you mad? Surely the more they saved the better it is for you ( you won’t have to financially support them )
I have a lot of friends who have to give their parents money every month … one of my friends’ dads smokes and drinks and likes going to pubs and demanded money to fund his lifestyle… so I don’t see what you’re complaining about here…

My amazing parents who worked hard, saved hard. Then ended up with (between them) wicked osteo and rhemetoid arthritis, hell of Parkinsons, and more and have a (hopefully enough) nest egg to see them through the diginified last stage of life that they deserve. At a glance it seems like they have a bomb of money while we the next gen are freaking out paying for uni, motgage in an unafforadable good school area etc. But really they have "hoarded" so we don't have to worry or take that pressure on. They could (should?) have blown it but the so called hoarding is the best gift they could have given my sibbling and me - they can make independent decisions on how to spend this really tricky stage of life with independence and automnomy. I know they hope they will leave something for thier grandkids but more importantly they have saved and planned for the reality of how ridiclously expensive life gets when you need a lot of care and not earning and not leaving it to your kids to fund or be at the mercy of the reality of a hugely underfunded adult social care situation ... it's dire and am enourmosly gratefully my parents can self fund if there is anything left then cool ...

It's the nursing home fees that worry many these days. My friends mum died the very month the money ran out. That was 15 years ago the amount £250k.

Why do you think he didn’t struggle when he was your age, raising you and your siblings?
also 250k disappears quite quickly in care home fees, so even though he’s talking a lot about it, maybe it’s coming from a place of financial insecurity.
my dad hardly spends anything- I pay for almost everything when we are together but I’m pretty sure it’s because he feels he is living off his savings and has no income … he’s also v frugal with himself generally.

YABU imo.

What would you have done if your dad was broke? Would you have found a way to move forward? Plenty of people manage without parents with tonnes of cash / assets.

You're an adult and responsible for yourself. No one owes you anything.

My mum is retired and has a great deal of assets. She's also the stingiest person I know. I don't care, her money is hers.

I don't buy into the notion we are just here to pile a tonne of cash so our kids can enjoy it when we die. Let your parents do as they please with their hard earned money.

Lovely. Who’s going to pay for care if you need it? Everyone else?

But you’re not comparing like with like? You see the great standard of living your parents have, but they are at a completely different point in their life cycle. Presumably when you and your siblings were the age your children are now, your parents had far less cash to save.

Go and earn your own money op, instead of thinking you are in some way 'entitled' to your father's. Disgusting attitude.

What’s bizarre about it? Wish people here would stop pensioner bashing. saving money is a habit deeply ingrained in anyone that grew up either in wartime or with wartime parents. I’m one of them and I have money to spend now but still can’t bring myself to spend loads of money on stuff that is not necessary, in my opinion. I’ve given loads on money away to my family but it’s money I’ve worked hard for all my life through coupon cutting, sandwiches out, walking instead of taking a bus or paying for parking..I could go on and on. I was just grateful that my parents left me some money which they had accumulated in a similar fashion.

Do you know much about care costs and deprivation of assets?

Anyway, it's his money, he can do what he likes with it. And if you are struggling to pay the electric bill etc @Antisocialg1t have you actually asked him to help? If you have and he said no, that's different. But I'm thinking you would've mentioned it if that happened.

totally agree.

what is the point of it if its not to help your kids/ grandkids and enjoy seeing them benefit? Of course there might be care fees in the future if not the taxman will be happy .

Ah right, so if he gives the OP and her kids his money, they will look after him and he won't need to worry about funding his care himself - that is absolutely guaranteed, yeah?

No need for him to worry?

Your father doesn’t sound that nice if he is boasting about money in front of you. He really does sound like being on the mean side of tight. However, when you retire, it is really good to have a comfortable buffer as you will never be able to earn money again. He may spend the last few years of his life in a nursing home and if you have the money for this then you won’t have problems getting into one. Increasingly councils are not putting people, who they pay for, into care homes. They are leaving them in their own homes with 3/4 carers a day. If he doesn’t end up in a care home, then hopefully he will leave some money to you and your children.

250k is not vast amounts of wealth if your retired. My parents have net worth of atleast 3 Million. Probably 4. Maybe more. I don’t actually know because I have never asked. But I don’t expect a penny of it for me. That’s generational wealth. If they choose to leave it to us it will be kept safe and passed to my children when we pass.

Lots of my friends are saving for their children to give them lump cash at 18. I thinks that’s an awful thing to do. My parents could have done that for me and they would have removed all joy and sense of achievement. I am so proud of what we have built, the journey, the fear, the tears, the laughter, the wins. All ours.

But I appreciate that’s it’s different to some of my friends who had nothing; because I know the moneys there. That gives security even if I have no intention of asking for it or if I do become custodian spending it. I hope my children feel the same.

Indeed

Anyone who criticises their parents for keeping hold of their money - are you willing and able to fund their future care if they’ve spent the money on you instead?

If he was splashing it all on an expensive lifestyle and not thinking about his future needs, that would be more of a problem IMO.

I'm in my 60s, hoping to retire in a year or two, and yes, I'm saving as hard as I can. My DDs are in their 30s and fully independent. I raised them as an SP, on a very low income when they were small (pre-NMW) and only hauled myself up into a job with a decent salary when they were at secondary school so I started saving relatively late compared to others in my age group. I helped my kids as much as I could when they were in their 20s, and if either of them were seriously struggling I'd help them now. But while they're managing, I think the best thing for me and for them is for me to save hard so that I'm less likely to be a burden on them as I age. Perhaps that's what your parents are doing? None of us has a crystal ball and we can't predict what kind of old age we'll have, but it seems sensible to put aside as much as you can, subject to not letting your kids actually suffer.

I don't think you and your Dad are as far away as you think. He's motivated by leaving a legacy for you and your children when he's gone. You too are obviously hugely motivated by doing things for your children but in the here and now. He looks at you and thinks you are doing a good job,and you are managing without his help. so he doesn't step in. If you need help, have you asked him?

We have given everything to our daughter - she needs it now, end of!

we retired early (55) Still have several years till pensions kick in. Damn right we are hoarding our money.. but we are lucky in the sense that our adult kids do not care, want us to enjoy our retirement, and have all said to spend it all on a fantastic retirement as we raised them and sacrificed for years to give them everything we could at the time...we both worked extra hours to fund uni. They will get a healthy amount when we are gone as we are living off the interest on our investments, but if they were money grabbers, I would be living more lavishly and spending the money WE earned (luckily my kids say to do so...we are still frugal though as it is just ingrained.)