Parents hoarding money

Nailed it
So grasping and all the moaning about bringing up 2 kids, it's what adults do when they have children
Stop spending money on crap!

Yes, he might have amassed excess wealth compared to your daily sacrifices; but at this point you’re a grown adult fully capable of amassing your own funds independently of him. He doesn’t need to give you anything to boost your quality of life and chances are he may leave those funds to you anyway. So I’m at a loss about where you want to go from here…

Ultimately, yes older generations have had it much easier than younger generations but that doesn’t entitle you to his money if he isn’t freely offering it

Why wouldn’t you want to give to your children and grandchildren, that’s what I am doing!

But it's none of your business what they do with it. It is their money. Your opinion is not relevant. And unfair.

"A conservative amount for care costs" - With care at up to £8k a month, £250k is less than three years. Is that split between a couple? So less than 18 months each !

Suppose they need care at home, and the house needs adapting for a wheelchair. Unless he is a millionaire ten times over, there is no conservative amount.

I empathise with you, my DM is rich but for her own emotional reasons finds it hard to spend money on anyone but herself whilst thinking is no money - when she has at least £300K in savings. I've learnt thats her and the say she is.

She has never felt the pleasure in being able to help her children finacially and see the benefits it has in their lives. Due her attitude towards money, she has taught me to be the complete oppisite of her, as I know the hurt it causing to be the way she is.

Its rude and insensitive of him to keep going on about how much money he has and how easy his life is especially given your situation trying to provide for a family. However, I don't think he should feel obligated to share his money. Having £250,000 in savings is not excessive and could easily be eaten up in medical or care costs down the line as others have said.

I can totally relate. Myy dad hoards...very wealthy man.
Quite happy to spend £750 on a historical artefact ( which turned out to be fake and worthless).
If I asked for a tenner though? Woe betide me.
Begrudgingly helped with weddng but was moaning about how much i cost growing up. Lovely.

We are not all the same . I certainly won’t be expecting my son and his family to take care of me. I wouldn’t dream of it .

My ILs have also hoarded vast amounts of money, but they’re obsessed with it paying for their care if Needed when they’re potentially infirm, which is understandable. They do, at times, help us financially, and our children get money for their long term savings each Christmas and birthday. As PP have said, £250k won’t go that far if he’s in care for eg 5-10 years, so it’s good that he has that saved

It's totally valid to feel that way.
You can be hurt and also know that they earned that money and can do as they please with it.
My parents were quite wealthy and yet there were points of my early adult life where I couldn't afford to eat some days.
They could have helped but they didn't.
They also made some decisions that were very selfish. I won't bore you with details but think 100k on full size heated swimming pool when my mum couldn't swim etc amongst other things. They left the country to live somewhere hotter when I was still a teen.. I'm an only child and was then alone in the UK

I have 3 kids and work in healthcare and had to suffer to afford the deposit for my first home.
My parents never saved anything up for me. I left home at 18 with nothing.
I have savings accounts for all my kids. And I earn a fraction of what my parents did. I would never ever see any of my kids go hungry for a day, even as adults.
I can't fathom it really.
It's what it represents in terms of priorities. It is hurtful. I totally understand.
I love my parents and I don't think I'm entitled to their money. It's just what their choices mean to me about where I am in their priorities.. and sadly it doesn't feel like I have ever ranked highly

It’s what all the boomers in my family were counting on 🤷‍♀️ Sadly there’s only one of me to go around, so I had to pick the elderly relative I liked best to take care of, and the rest will just have to sort themselves out. But boy are they not happy about it!

This exactly. It’s not as if he has 250 million pounds and isn’t offering to help. He has a normal amount of savings for someone of that generation who has worked and it’s very possible that money will be used up for care or medical needs at somepoint.

There is nothing quite as repulsive as anyone who feels entitled to dictate / judge someone else's wealth and spending. This is not yours to control, focus on improving your own situation rather than worrying about how your parents choose to live.

I'm sorry but those thinking they have a say in their parents positive financial situation are repugnant.

Wild assumption

You won’t be resenting his hoarding when it comes to paying for care home fees.
And don’t you think he has sacrificed and done without in order to save his money?

Bet you anything he’ll expect OP to look after him in his dotage

Mind you, I suppose the people who buy expensive cars, clothes etc are the same in a way. It's just a different way of showing off your money. Lots of older people spend money on expensive holidays or things rather than their children and grandchildren. He has to mention his bank account as it's the only way people would know he has money.

Oh sure OP. Very obvious political propaganda.

They are at a different life stage than you. Do you think they had $2500000 in the bank when you were a child. No. You have a very poor me selfish attitude. They don’t owe you money or babysitting.

Similar situation with my parents. They have several million which came almost entirely from inheritance from my GP.

They have never had to have a mortgage or any pressure to earn anything during their lifetime as they received this money at a young age.

My siblings and I and our DC have never
benefited at all. They act as if they are custodians of this money and have to protect it at all costs. They spend as little as possible. They have never been on holiday, never owned a passport. They drive old cars and are forever looking for discounts. They have no internet and live as if they are virtually penniless.

The ridiculous thing of course is that literally millions will be taken in IHT although I suspect that because they won’t be around to see that happen they pretend it isn’t an inevitable outcome.

It is frustrating particularly since our cousins whose parents also had similar size inheritances from the same source have all been bought properties and had very large sums filtered down to them over the years.

I’m very much in the people can do what they want with their own money camp however at times it is tough to understand how preference can be to pay IHT rather than to support your DC and DGC.

You say “parents” hoarding, but you only really mention your dad in your few posts. Does your dad “control” funds for your mum?

I find these types of posts difficult to comment on for various reasons. At the end of the day, it really is their money to do what they want with. Your description of him re wood and foraging suggests their maybe something deeply ingrained with him from younger years regarding not having enough or being deprived. That can lead to “hoarding” what you have for fear of going back to that scenario.

I do get that it can feel frustrating and unfair, when someone has more and doesn’t freely offer help. But I think you need to come to peace with the fact that it probably won’t change. If you want to break it down, brutally, I’m assuming that you will inherit from them? If so, you may well be grateful for how much they’ve “hoarded” over the years.

I’d continue to focus on your immediate family and ignore any “boasting” from their side. Alternatively, maybe have a sit down and explain how you feel? Either way, decide a course of action/frame of thought that works best for you and stick to it for your own well-being.

that is full stop the worst thing I have seen on here. Your are actually saying no one in your life is worth more than £1,000

I don’t feel entitled to my father’s money. But I do think it’s sad when I consider how much help his own parents gave him and I will never have the same.

It is on that basis that I understand where you are coming from and I empathise with you.

You are lovely.

Missed the @Antisocialg1t dad has 250k saved. So that’s only 4 years of care home fees assuming no medical or dementia needs for one person.