Parents hoarding money

Id tell him there's no point in worrying about paying tax on savings now, because thats going to pale into insignificance with the amount the taxman is going to take as IHT. Let him stew on that.

Yes, it's his money and it's his choice what he does with it. That's true of course.
But those choices reflect the kind of man he is, the kind of father and grandfather he is. And you're not being unreasonable to feel sadness at that.
Boasting about how much money he has while watching the younger generation suffer is particularly unpleasant in my opinion.
It will change how you feel about that person which gives a deeper feeling of loss that he's not the person you thought, or hoped, he was.

Yeah my in laws have £2.5m+ and share only a very fractional amount (think £1k our way a year). They also complain they have so much money they don’t know what to do with it. They’ve started collecting expensive watches now as investments (each watch £10k.+)
they also complain about their recent £10k holiday having too rich food and too much wine (and they love wine)
It is very draining to listen to but I’m quite good at hmmm and zoning out.

my mum on the other hand has a small amount of wealth in comparison - less than £100k and she sends us money each month for our children’s nursery bills etc. always sending random money in case we need it (she’s said she won’t have much to inherit but she wants to help us during her lifetime and also earlier in our lifetimes)

My advice to anyone saving hundreds of thousands of pounds for care is this. Look into the monthly cost of your preferred care home. Take one months cost out of your savings and do something with it. Go on an amazing holiday, give some to family, buy your GC swimming lessons or driving lessons, get a new kitchen, give it to charity, whatever! The loss of one months care cost compared to doing something amazing for yourself or others is worth it. My DM is in a nursing home now and is living a nightmare, all memories gone, hallucinating and screaming every day. For the cost of one month she could have achieved her dream of travelling Australia comfortably for many months. I wish she had!

@jonnybriggswasgreat not do Sure though that plenty may need to pay for some care, even if not care homes- that can still easily add up to £1800 a month if needed every day several times

Well, I've never once complained and never expected anything at all. I've told my parents to spend every last time on anything they want. They earned it, if they want to blow it all on a last trip somewhere, go for it. I've never felt entitled to anything from anyone.

But when you "play the financial markets", you're still aquiring money rather than earning it. Aquiring it from a finite pot. So, aquiring it from someone else. Point is, the money you got came from somewhere in a system where some people work and still don't have enough, and others don't work and have more than they know what to do with.

It is what it is, but what's difficult is the millionaire pensioners claiming their kids feel entitled to their money, when if anything it's the other way around - it's the rich pensioners who feel entitled to live wealthy lives for longer than they worked, paid for by the labour of their working children.

@WhatATimeToBeAlivethis is my first post to which I referred.

They could do but only at the time of gifting that there was a reasonable expectation of potentially receiving care. As a PP said, where people get caught out is when they leave the gifting too late. But generally speaking it’s irrelevant anyway since most people don’t require paid-for care.

I agree in general, but many older people can’t expect this because the fact people are able to do that in those cultures is largely because the grandparents help a lot with childcare and money earlier in adult life so that by the time they need care their children are in a much more secure position with careers and finances and have sufficient space to house them. You can’t have it both ways.

And if you read my first post, and many others here, you’ll see that in many situations that isn’t a relevant concern because the parents let their children and grandchildren struggle even when they have plenty of money to help them financially and cover any conceivable care costs for themselves in luxury. Some people are just utterly selfish.

@Blueyrocks very occasionally there are anomalies, people like myself and my husband have spent years playing the financial markets and overall have done well. Very high risk, it’s not for the faint hearted. Trump got in and the markets crashed, the panic on MN, people selling or cashing out, we bought. Markets have surged over 30% now. We made close to double our earned income last year. When I was at University I had to take a module on economics to fit in with my timetable, nothing to do with my degree but it was probably the most useful time I ever spent in the classroom.

My father is like this and has never offered any financial help, although to be fair I’ve never asked. I’m sure if I was in dire need he would help me out if I asked, but he certainly wouldn’t offer. I guess he’s just of the generation who lucked out in terms of rising property prices and final salary pensions. He worked all his life and is reaping the rewards I suppose in the same way I will when I retire. I’m sure my kids will feel hard done by in comparison to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if state pensions are means tested by the time they retire of they exist at all. The pension age will probably be in the 80’s by then too.

This is the problem for older people. What sounds like a lot of money will quickly disappear if the both have to move into care, especially nursing care.

MIL is like this, she also has 6 properties 5 of which are rented out + generous final salary pension. DH lost his job (context for how little £ we currently have) and when she came to stay with us for 4 months whilst we looked after her after an operation she invited 12 people over for dinner, said she would order take away, balked at the menu cost then told me to cook! I refused and stayed late at the office that day instead...Stingy as f - doesn't spend on herself either, buys the cheapest possible value meat and veg, ragged clothes etc.

As mean as it is I am counting down the days until we receive our inheritance.

Many of those who are funded by the state will have been in the same income bracket as those who are having to self fund, the difference being that the self funders have been careful with money and are now being penalised for it. I know a lot of people who worked in the same jobs as we did but chose to spend up almost every month, new car every couple of years etc..
Remember, if your parents give you some of the money they're 'hoarding' and subsequently need care the authorities could come to you for that money back as the 7 year rule doesn't apply.

I passed a generous amount from an inheritance to my son. It really did change his world in a way I could never have imagined. It’s so lovely to see. Why be an old miser. I don’t get it x

Care homes are £35-55k a year at the moment and inflation is almost 5%. I'd simply meet his comment with something like "Sunset Homes will soon take care of that and HMRC the rest I expect. I'd enjoy it while you can."

A lot of older people have in the back of their minds that they will need money if they should have to go into care. Residential care is not as expensive as nursing care or dementia care so I can definitely see why people hang onto their money rather than dish it out to family.

Two relatives in care at the moment are costing nearly £14,000 a month in care fees which the sale of their property and any savings will be funding.

There are plenty of ways of seeing yourself off if you want to. It’s exactly what I intend to do if I get a diagnosis of dementia. I’m hyper vigilant and monitor myself constantly as there was loads of it in my mum’s family so my diagnosis will be an early one if I get it. It’s nothing to do with money for me, there’s no way I’m putting my son through what we went through with my mum. Once is more than enough for anyone.

My parents died with a lot of money, despite spending time in a very upmarket care home. As a result my son owns his house outright. We’ve helped our kids in the past but currently none of them need it, two of them have far more money than us.

I hear ya Op! my mil is the same lots of properties and rental income and not short of money at all
Gave us 1000pounds as a wedding gift and went on and on about how it was so much money!!

My own granny gave us 500£ and shes not got a lot - she saved up for a year to get us that money and it was a lot for her - I didn't even want it - but she said she wanted to see us enjoy the money do something nice with it and tell her about it! our whole lives she saved up a bit of her pension to give the grandchildren money for their holidays or birthdays - it was never much but she basically just always gave all her money away as she had the - can't take it with me attitude!

My parents are pretty generous too - but again dont have much spare but will pay for my daughters swim lessons for example - my dad paid for the solicitor fees and the movers for us when we bought the house! all much appreciated

I just dont get it - cus i haven't bought myself clothes or anything for me in so long cus i use the money for my kids! Id rather my daugher have a day a theme park over half term then a hair cut for myself for example! I can't understand not wanting to everything you can to help your kids

But in other parts of the world children and grandchildren would all help to look after the parents which doesn't always happen in the UK, and you can tell it won't happen much at all by the threads you see on MN.

Sorry @MellyBM but what funds retirement is working people, their taxes & labour. The current retirees funded their parents' retirement (parsimoniously). Their own retirement is now funded (with exorbitant generosity) by their children. It may be normal (for the current generation - not for their parents or previous generations) but I don't see that it's desirable that retirees, with fewer outgoings, fewer caring responsibilities, and no economic activity, should have more money than people who work.

I know retirees who will be on a final salary pension for more decades than they were in work, when they were paying mortgages and holidaying annually I e. Not saving scrupulously. It is impossible that they have funded their own retirement. It's impossible to accumulate more money in savings than you earn, unless your savings are acquired outside work. In which case, it's not you who has generated the money. You've just acquired it.

Well this thread has just strengthened my resolve to never discuss how much money I have with anyone ever.

@WhichTeam Whilst date of death is unknown. Do what we did, projected income, interest rate variables and inflation variables versus years lived. Plus what it costs to run your life. We can look at the financial overview and adjust. We are fortunately above our projected income this financial year due to investments doing far better than expected. Obviously we could not throw in potential legislative variables that tumble out of the heads of whichever idiot is in charge politically.

Ultimately it’s a sign of how UK society has deteriorated. This is not how family works in most of the world where people would be ashamed to see their children or grandchildren struggling financially while they lived in comfort.

I think attitudes of the current generation of adults towards their own children and grandchildren will be very different generally given they’ve been on the receiving end of this supreme selfishness from the current generation of pensioners who have impoverished society in so many ways, in terms of values, money and living standards for subsequent generations.

That is so shit!

My parents are the most generous as they would never have £250k saved because it would have been distributed as much as possible. I will do the same for my children and grandchildren.