Parents hoarding money

Yes, there are people worse off than me, and when I come across someone or it is a friend or family member I do what I can to help.

I don't say, "Oh, well you know, 30 years ago something entirely unrelated and bad happened to me too so you should just suck it up."

Not being able to get a mortgage (which wasn't an issue if you were married anyway as 1 salary comfortably bought a house) 50 years ago makes absolutely zero difference to your ability to help your kids out now.

@vivainsomnia

I think it's a facetious chicken and egg situation: parents work hard prioritising saving in investment building a pot. Their children thinking they are stupid for not spending their money as they are themselves. Children resent parents, parents are well aware of resentment, envy and sense of entitlement, making them much less likely to share their wealth!

Yeah this. And I am sick to death of people blathering on about 'rich boomers' and 'entitled boomers' and 'selfish boomers' not sharing their MASSIVE WEALTH with the adult children. Because they are all sooooooooo wealthy ya know!

So much bitterness from some posters on here, who basically CBA to try and better their situation, but just cry and whine 'it's not FAIR' and spout vitriol and bile at the older generations. Many who worked for DECADES and deserve what they now have. Very few people had easy in any particular generation. Most people have had their struggles. And there is a certain type of younger Gen X, and Milennial who seem very entitled, and want shit handing to them. Even wishing for their parents or parents in law to DIE so they can get their money!!!

Whilst houses may have been easier/cheaper to buy way back then, the hourly wage was very low for some, (especially for women!) white goods were so expensive that many people couldn't afford to buy them, and had to rent them, (and also had to rent TVs and VCRs, as they cost a FORTUNE.) And most people never went abroad, and had to holiday in the UK in a caravan. Most people didn't have new cars. My dad always had a car that was 15-18 years old. Mum couldn't drive. They lived in a council house, Never owned. Never had wealth.

I bet all the people whinging about the 'boomers,' have an expensive mobile phone, every bit of tech they want - laptops, tablets, video game consoles, iphones, massive tellies, airfryers, tumble dryers, dishwashers, DVD and blu-ray player, etc, and a car less than 10 years old. But nooooooooooo, they are NEVER as well off as the 'boomers.' 🙄

Get a grip, and stop moaning, and blaming the generations before you for how 'hard up' you are, and do something to change your situation! Stop expecting handouts from parents. My 3 DC have never asked for anything, or resented the older generations. (Although DH and I would help them if they needed help of course.) Fortunately, they are not bitter and entitled like some.

nb, I am NOT a boomer, I was born late 1960s!!! So I have no skin in the game.

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could you clarify your question? I’m not resentful. I come from a family where working class generations from what I remember have helped younger family members not always financiallly as not always well off but certainly with anything they could and I am very greatful for that.

Very interesting but in no way changes the fact that it's their money. Not their money in theory their money in fact.

Honestly what is wrong with not having singing lessons or having to live in the grottier student accommodation? It doesn't do them any favours. They aren't suffering and don't live in poverty. They learn they need to work for things. I dread to think of this generation entering the workforce and demanding a promotion for nothing.

@Antisocialg1t I don’t understand who you are expecting to find your parents later years? Are you planning to be the carer or do you think a care home is likely? Surely the money needs to be ring fenced till it is no longer needed?

@BoringBarbie
I'd say that their parents are teaching them how NOT to treat their own children.
Literally waiting for their relatives to die off is not a good example to give - could even be psychopathic.....

Money, which will otherwise be handed over to the taxman when you die, could fund for your grandchild's parent to take a day a week off work so that the weekend is free from chores
But, I and many others would never have expected our parents to do pay for us to do that - that is entitlement and CF on steroids....

There's also something to be said for knowing that when you do need care, your children have the time and resources to provide it for you and even if you do have the means to pay private, you won't be forced into a miserable care home with a rushed weekly visit. If they are working full time and ground down from years of making do and mending, they are hardly going to be ready to bring your shopping, prep a few meals for you, and clean the bathroom.

There are many complaints on this site about parents who don't 'future proof' their lives and expect their children to provide their care. Therefore, they cannot then be blamed for saving for their care homes.

So what's different then? What is there to be resentful of?

And some parents/ family will have helped out then too.

But feeling like you're entitled to a life style that SOME pensioners can afford, is ridiculous and it's pure jealous. Plenty of generations before had it worse and I'm sure plenty to come will too, but that doesn't mean you're owed anything or that they should give up their lifestyle so that you can have a better one.

Arguably you have a better lifestyle than most pensioners did when they were your age, you realise that, yes? Is that fair? No, but no-one ever said life was fair.

It was hard with young children in the 50s.

Um yes sadly I do know far more than I would have wished to.We help our adult children as much as we can now as my mum with her limited ressources always did when we were starting out . She was only in her late forties then anyway. She always said she’d rather have the pleasure of seeing us benefit when we needed it💕. We apply the same to our kids with great joy. Am not retired yet but carehomes can have our house and good pensions if needed , but hopefully not.

Yeah, I was on that poster's side until she said she's counting down the days til her mother in law dies, so she can get her money!!

I think it's both. Otherwise they'd have sold up yonks ago and spent the money so they couldn't even accumulate anything. There are people that do that, in which case posters would be moaning that they threw money out the window and have not as much for old age.

I'm a good example. I am a millenial and have money because of the decisions I made, and then some luck. It has mostly meant living below my means for some years and have a strategy and understand financial markets. Bascially, I just started somewhere.

It is still possible to become well off, but unlike with boomers it wouldn't be via property for our and the younger generation.

Double post

Every generation faces their own challenges a hardships, especially the women. Would you rather live in a time when you couldn't even get a mortgage because you're female? Or a life with no contraception and a husband who has the right to rape you? No one ever said life was easy, and there is always someone worse off than you, be grateful for what you have.

This is it really. I understand not wanting to give an 18 year old £££ but it’s hard with young children now. I can’t imagine having loads of money saved and not giving bits away. It’s not an either or situation. Just gifting bits, paying for piano lessons, making life that little bit easier.

@Naunet I think the issue is that many these elderly people are living lifestyles that no amount of hard work will ever buy subsequent generations, and no amount of hard work bought the generations before them. Yes, many of them did work hard, but that hard work has been rewarded vastly beyond what hard work ever has been before or likely will be again. There is no prospect whatsoever that most of my generation will have lots of money in retirement, despite being the most educated generation in history, and many of us working since we were teenagers. Student debt, childcare costs, high mortgage repayments - all impact how much we can pay into retirement funds, all costs the current pensioners largely didn't have in the same proportion to their salaries.

The issue is the entitlement - the belief that it's their hard work, rather than a system geared towards this distribution of tax and wealth, that's created the wealth that so many current pensioners enjoy. If it was hard work that did that, I can think of many people who would at least be able to afford their heating bills comfortably, who currently can't. And retirement isn't something these people are counting on at all. Working full time, from 16, with degrees, struggling to pay their bills, and assuming they'll never retire. To me, it's entirely fair they feel entitled to a bit more money. And entirely understandable that they might take issue with a parent lamenting about the piles of cash accumulated in a savings account.

^ I concur.

When you consider £250k has the same spending power as £115k due to a heavily debased currency resulting from printing money, that's not the flex you think it is.

I think he's a fool for not putting his money into appreciating assets like gold or silver. Never keep too much money in a place where it can be inflated away, ie the bank.

I would answer your question - if you had asked in a more pleasant and less accusatory tone 🤷‍♀️ . It was entirely above board, in specific circumstances.

Lastly, people are putting forward the idea of saving for “care” when they are elderly. The thing is, I don’t think it’s an either / or situation. If you are that well – off, as some of these elderly parents are, you can do both!

Another example: my mother bought her two council flats for next to nothing with the ”buy” scheme !

How did she manage that? You’d never get another council property if you’d already bought one.

It's a suggestion not an obligation. The poor man complained about not knowing what to do with his money🙄

Another example: my mother bought her two council flats for next to nothing with the ”buy” scheme ! They have a big cap on the discount now, so ability to do that much reduced.

The avocado on toast thing - there may or may not be some truth in that – but if I had no chance of buying a home, or maybe even having children, maybe I would treat myself to some avocado on toast 🥑.

I think maybe it is good for young people to struggle, to understand the meaning of money, what life is like for many of us,but when that struggle continues into their 30s with no let up, and family are standing by who are able to easily help but refuse to, I think we have a problem Houston.