Parents hoarding money

@LondonLass61 yes, but I too pay all of this, but have no expectation that I'll be entitled to state support in old age. State benefits are almost all means tested, except the state pension. Which means people who do not need it get it. For these people, it's state-subsided wealth beyond necessity, which is, I think, a type of scrounging? Maybe i don't understand the word. Either way, I think it's unfair, and unsustainable.

The retorts to my points all seem to be referencing personal circumstances - mine or theirs. I'm not talking about me being entitled to your money. I'm talking about a system which unfairly distributes wealth, and which I think should be changed. And I am suggesting that those who benefit from this system might want to pause and ask who is actually being entitled - as @Naunet says, it's not fair. It's not about hard work at all. Not that anyone should have to give their money away - giving it to their children, for example, would only entrench the unfairness. Just, it would be more honest to acknowledge, as @Naunet does, that it's a result of an unfair system. But many do not, and instead refer to their own hard work as if it's so quantifiably, fundamentally different from that of their parents or children that they, alone of the generations, deserve this unprecedented, unsustainable level of personal wealth.

I think it is true that peoples sense of "entitlement", probably better described as a "is strongly related to the perception of quality of life.

The reason people need to rely on their parents wealth is the fact that the cost of living in society and maintaining a certain quality of life is getting greater than ever. Housing costs, childcare costs, education costs, pension costs, living costs such as energy and water. It is getting more difficult for the average person to meet those costs given the level of earnings and taxation.

I think if people are capable of funding these themselves, they have no need to look to outside sources, but when they can't, and getting a house big enough for your family to live comfortably becomes a constant struggle, then yes, it is hardly surprising they are going to look at their relatives wealth that they think might be surplus to their requirements and think about how it could improve their lifestyle.

So the amount of "entitled people" and threads they post is very much going to scale with how difficult it is in society to make a living for yourself and your family.

As I think you point out, it's very easy to not covert some of your parents seemingly extra resources if you have plenty of resources yourself. If you are living on the breadline and you are seeing your kids do without on a daily basis it is much more of a struggle to stay detached when you know you there could be assistance..

I don't know whose getting my share, I get my SRP and a prescription for my under active thyroid every month which can't add up to £200k.

An elderly relative with dementia gets SRP and attendance allowance. Private nursing home for ten years all paid for with investments from the proceeds of her house. Whose getting her share? Can she make a claim for her share for the last ten years?

Thinking back all four of my grandparents died in early 70s. All of them heart attacks. Only one smoked or drank alcohol. Only one on the large side by standards back in the 70s.

No nursing homes needed for them.

These people who are hoarding money for care - considering buying a care annuity. Could save them a fortune but it’s a risk of course - they might never need care.

Each of the current cohort of retirees on average is using over £200,000 of state welfare and services above their lifetime tax payments in real terms.

Do you have any evidence for this? If so I’d really like to see it.

Intergenerational resentment is really unpleasant.

Boomers went out to work at 16 whilst Gen Z often dont start work until 23 or later. That's 7 additional years of saving by boomers. No wonder they could buy property and 'hoard' money.

Gen Z don't realise THEY have to put in the effort. They need to reframe their thinking and not expect something for nothing.

Can't you see how this is different for everyone and literally depends on your circumstances of origin?

My parents could not gift me a deposit, but I still grew up in a better economic situation than them. Unlike my grandparents and parents I did not live through war or post-war times. I did not have to flee my country or freeze in winter. So that how life was better than for me than for them.

I can't imagine what it must feel like if you get gifted a deposit by your parents. I'd probably think I'd won the lottery because of how I grew up. If they suddenly came into money now I certainly wouldn't feel as though they have to give me part of it so I can live an even better life. It's bizzare to me.

Everything is relative. For you or others the next step up is being gifted a deposit. For someone else it might be for their children to not live on a council estate. It may take another 2 or 3 generations before anyone can gift a deposit to anyone.

I guess at least if he/your mum ends up needing a care home or care at home, they can pay for it.

I don’t agree that the state pension shouldn’t be means tested though either.

I worked really hard at school, got a fairly decent degree, then a good publishing career.

But of course, life was horrid and dealt me a bad hand - two concussions, post concussion syndrome, a breakdown, a movement disorder caused by an off label psychotropic medication... so my earning power has been curtailed somewhat 😅 😐

Believe me, I would love to earn more than I do now. I don't even earn minimum wage, but I've pushed through hell with my chronic health problems and made things carry on.

It's awful when you want to go further but can't. I've been extremely fortunate to have very generous parents who've helped financially a lot over the years, and I truly believe I'd literally not be here if that hadnt happened.

I'm so grateful for their kindness but wouldn't dream of expecting anything else and certainly wouldn't sit here waiting for them to pass on their wealth when gone! My parents are more valuable and precious to me alive, and no amount of money would be enough to match that.

We are NC

How do you know so much about their lifestyle and finances then?

Do you understand what "relevant" means? As in something which has an impact on the subject you are discussing?

BUYING A HOUSE FOR £12K AFFECTS THEM RIGHT NOW. In 2025, they are better off because they bought a house for £12k.

Marital rape not being a crime 32 years ago DOES NOT impact whether they have wealth right now, which they could share, but choose not to.

One is RELEVANT because it has an impact on whether they have wealth today or not. One is IRRELEVANT because it has no impact on whether they have wealth today or not.

None of my class mates, neighbours, friends, relatives went to university. Very, very few people did in those days. Only the very brightest. We all went to work to contribute to the family living costs because no one could afford to continue in education unless it was night school. I'm 72. I started my first job, after school and weekends, when I was 14.

The irony is that the people espousing views like this seem to want to avoid money (that isn’t even theirs) going on IHT payments which would benefit everyone, so the most non-individualistic outcome possible.

At least he is saving it! My mum and stepdad have so much pension (I’d say at least £8000 per month) that they’ve sold up their house and moved to a beachfront villa (not in the UK) which they are renting for a stupid amount of money - more than our sizeable mortgage on our family home.

Now to each their own and yes, it’s their money to spend, so fine. We are NC and I don’t expect an inheritance, though they don’t have any family to leave anything to (are NC with all their children and grandchildren, that’s a different thread 😂). I just think it’s a very silly approach to living for the moment and not wanting to think about unpleasant things.

Meanwhile, Dh and I are working towards being mortgage free in our 40s and putting investments in place so we have a nest egg for when we’re older in case pensions go poof. But I’m not sure who will fund their care as costs of everything goes up and they don’t have equity in a house anymore and are just spending on luxury things. They don’t have access to the NHS as are residents in at country where it’s private healthcare only for the most part (unless you are very poor). If one of them ends up in care, I’m not sure there will be funds left for £2500 a month in rent and just general costs of living. But they don’t like to think about that stuff, I don’t think. They like fun and shopping, which I guess it their prerogative, but still.

Perhaps you could explain something of those circumstances, because I’ve never heard of an individual being able to buy two council properties on the tenant discount and the legislation was set up to preclude that.

And that's your money your choice. Others won't receive a deposit from their parents because their parents cannot afford to.

I agree 100% with this post.
Whatever you think about the post war period is wrong. Maybe listen to those of us who lived through that period. Of course some of the population were always well off & always will be. I can only confirm what was pertinent to me, my family & peers.
Cash was short, clothes were second hand, accommodation was freezing, one bath a week, women skivvies.
Read again @DoraSpenlow to know that this is a true statement.

Most people who’ve been in that situation want to make things different for their own children and grandchildren and ensure that they can help them or at least provide a safety net, rather than taking the view that because they had to struggle they should deliberately inflict the same on subsequent generations when they don’t need to do so.

Do you think your parents would have refused to help you if they had been wealthy and you’d been in need?

@Blueyrocks
.....the extent that it's subsidised by a state benefit, yeah. I would think these formerly hard working pensioners would be ashamed to be benefit scroungers.'
This 'benefit scrounger' and friends, siblings etc has been paying NI and taxes since 1978, still paying and will be paying until I get my state pension in 3 years. FFS.

@BoringBarbie
Not being able to get a mortgage (which wasn't an issue if you were married anyway as 1 salary comfortably bought a house) 50 years ago
More misinformation - my parents (and those of many friends) both worked but rent was so expensive they were never able to save for a deposit.

Therefore, I have never inherited anything and always expected to make my own way, which I have - despite my mortgage rate being 16% in the early 90's.
Life is hard - it was harder for my parents and for their parents but I never heard any of them moan about not getting a handout, particularly not for singing lessons.

That’s less than 3 years for one person in a care home 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he dies before needing one then you’ll inherit. Not sure I can understand the issue. I’d also assume he’s paying tax despite being retired.

my parents are saving loads at the moment - they can’t go anywhere due to both having cancer treatment. I don’t begrudge them that. Talking about money always leaves someone feeling jealous or downcast. Don’t do it.

Indeed. Kids need to stand on their own feet . But a second home or give them a deposit? Go on a luxury cruise or give then a deposit. I know what I’d choose.

It’s truly shocking to me how so many people on this thread seem to dislike their parents. All the focus is on getting your hands on their money to ease your own life right now. Wanting their money to get yourself a weekly babysitter to have a date night was almost laughable in its blatant entitledness. Constant references to “their grandchildren” needing financial support from them…these are YOUR children and your responsibility. It’s utterly gross. Luckily I don’t know a single soul IRL who behaves likes this so hopefully you are all in a minority, but it’s ugly to read. As I said before, grow up and take responsibility for yourself.

Why are you talking about things that happened in the past?

And it is the younger people paying for these very expensive healthcare treatments from their tax.

Each of the current cohort of retirees on average is using over £200,000 of state welfare and services above their lifetime tax payments in real terms. They have also then benefitted from free education, final salary pensions, state pensions from an early age, growing incomes throughout their working lives and much lower taxes proportionate to income levels, lower living costs, much more opportunity for progression even without qualifications, rising standards of living, huge inflation of housing values that are being paid for now with interest by the younger people who have later bought those houses, huge inflation in investment values in other assets also.

They voted for policies that would benefit them on top of being lucky with the time when they were born, have then pulled the ladder up behind them and then somehow convince themselves that it was down to their “hard work” then trot out some nonsense about a couple of brief economic downturns when their extreme luck is pointed out to them. They also, despite this, feel entitled to welfare paid for by the less privileged generations behind them even when they have no need of it. Not everyone in that generation is like this but a large number are and have convinced themselves that their current financial position is of their own making when economic data proves that this is absolutely not the case, and try to blame society’s woes - which were largely created by their own generation - on those now suffering the consequences.

It isn’t younger people who are the entitled ones on the whole. Expecting some solidarity in families to mitigate the worst impacts of the terrible state in which the current retirees have left the country and economy is not at all unreasonable.