Parents hoarding money

I’m sure you can understand that my concern and fear about my vulnerable children being orphaned while still minors - or having to go into care if I become too unwell to look after them because I’ve been continuing to try to work full time when this would not be necessary with some financial help from our family who could very easily afford to provide this - extends a little beyond “grating”.

I didn't say anyone wasn't.

The things which enabled Boomers to accrue wealth are relevant to this conversation.

The things which weren't so good for Boomers, such as gender inequality, are not relevant to this conversation because they did not impact on their ability to become the richest generation in history.

We can have a separate thread about how we have a worrying trend of young women thinking they want to be "Trad Wives". It's very relevant to discuss how their mothers grew up and what it really looked like, in THAT conversation.

Indeed!

And so that is what older people are doing if they have sufficient means. They are taking control of their lives to ensure their family don’t have to.

This is the dismissal of what younger people are telling you though, which is the problem.

You’re not listening to the economic facts set out clearly in earlier posts which mean that, even in situations not as “extreme” as mine/ my children’s, a large proportion of the older generation refuse to accept that if they were starting out today there is absolutely no way they’d achieve their level of wealth/ living standards by working how they did in the jobs they did.

Their children generally work much harder, for a lower standard of living, yet are often disparaged by their parents for “just not trying hard enough”. Their parents assert they “earned everything they have through hard work” when this is plainly not the case: there is absolutely no way in most cases that with the same occupations/ amount of work they’d have a hope of achieving anything like the lifestyle/ early retirements/ financial comfort that they now enjoy. And frankly, they should take some responsibility for the things they voted for and the society they have left for their descendants which will leave the vast majority of them with a lower standard of living.

In such circumstances, any kind, loving and decent people would acknowledge and recognise these indisputable economic facts be doing everything they could financially and practically to help their children and grandchildren as much as possible, unless their children happened to be outliers who have become more wealthy than they were at a similar age (and no I’m not talking about coffee shop trips or the fact that foreign travel has become cheaper, but the number of hours the parents have to work to have a hope of the same kind of career/ house/ pensions).

Yes, my particular case is extreme. But no, this doesn’t justify a similarly selfish attitude apparent in an unfortunately large proportion of the current generation of retirees who seem to have minimal concept of family.

I will have a good private pension, thank you.

But will also enjoy myself, now and early in retirement when travel is much easier, as insurance and car hire becomes an issue at 75+. And you never know what is around the corner for any of us. Several of my friends, family and neighbours have not made it to retirement age.

The past is pointless. I would put my energy into taking control of my situation and future.

They are fortunate IN SOME WAYS, as are your generation.

And none of that is relevant to you because it's NOT YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

I made a comment about people cherry picking the good parts of the past and then making out like everything was so much better for them, and you've decided to twist that into something else and then get mad about it. Crack on, but Im not interested in playing the role you've cast me in.

The past is very important as previous Government policies have affected today’s woes.
Living where I do, I have never had an MP representing my political views.
Its really very simplistic to think that all older voters agreed with unhelpful Government policies.

They are FACTS and you are just blaming the people adversely impacted by these conditions. The 'evil boomers' are extremely fortunate. It's not because of skill, judgement or how hard they worked and young people now are significantly disadvantaged

Exactly. Most people don't go into care homes and if they do the average stay in a care home is less than 2 years.

Many people will have houses that will cover that cost.

Your situation sound extreme and I feel for you. But much of the whinging up thread is expecting grandparents to spend their money on luxury and frankly frivolous items like music lessons and babysitting, rather than save it for their own care costs in the future.

@WhatFamily Sometimes the only thing that keeps us connected to family is blood. Again, I am sorry and I am sorry your children may end up on their own. I know these comments here must be grating, although I do think your circumstances are particularly unfortunate.

What an absolutely appalling post.

We are entitled the right to reply!!

Why is it a waste? Would you have been able to care for her in the same way?

I dont understand this thinking where spending money on care is seen as a waste amd that it should be given ro help kids and grandkids. By paying for care she isnt burdening you with all the stress that care can bring.

I don't want my children to have to care for me. I should be making sure I am planning my finances to cover care should I need it and moreso cos I want to get the best care I can.

You also dont know if your kids would care dor you, they could be living miles away, different country etc.

Why do you consider this a “waste”? Using one’s own money to provide care for oneself - is surely the least wasteful use of one’s own money.

In what way is a waste to spend one’s money on care fees to ensure a comfortable later life? Are you one of those that think the state should provide that for free so you can inherit? You sound delightful - ill will wealth indeed!

I sadly find some of the worst offenders in the ‘we worked hard’ stakes are plenty of women over 65 ( I’m 63) who did a bit of part time ( under 20 hours in a lot of cases once their kids were adults ) or in quite a few cases not a tap of paid work after they had kids and actually paid zilch into the system too - they basically simply lived off their husbands wages. I’m not saying they didn’t work hard at home, I know many did, but they have no concept of society ( and many husbands and partners too) of being expected to be fully contributing financially both to the household and to state tax and being kind of still expected to keep a nice home, cook meals, look after children - but they still trot out the ‘we worked hard’ - this clearly isn’t every woman of a certain age, but it’s absolutely a lot

For who was this a waste?

I explained my situation in an earlier post. I do work, in constant pain, but only from home now. I still earn a decent salary due to working so hard earlier in my career before I became ill and my husband died. They were babies at the time, and their disabilities not yet apparent.

I have secured our financial situation as much as possible but we were just starting out so I can’t afford the remaining mortgage (obviously some was paid off by life insurance and moving somewhere smaller) and their specialist childcare (to enable me to work) and their medical bills (non-existent NHS). Then I became chronically ill with a degenerative illness.

I could not possibly have worked harder when I was younger. Actually I supported myself living alone since I was a teenager. I put myself through university, did professional qualifications and worked extremely hard to build a good career.

My health declines every year because I am doing too much against medical advice. My demise would be slower, I am told, if I could rest more. If things carry on as they are they will likely be orphans before they are adults and there is nobody else to take them in so although I have life insurance set up to provide for them financially, this won’t provide them with a parent or a home or love. I am all they have.

My family know this and haven’t lifted a finger to help in any way, practically or financially. My father has many millions of pounds. He does not care.

I’m sorry, but I find many of the posts on this thread saying “it was your choice to have children”, “it’s not their problem”, “it’s their money, they can do what they like with it” deeply callous and quite disgusting. We are talking about family. What is the point of it at all, if this is the attitude? They may as well be a random stranger if the consensus is supposed to be that family has no responsibility to care about or help each other in any way.

If I am here when my children are older I would prefer to be homeless before I ever put them and especially young grandchildren through such insecurity and completely avoidable risk of their lives being ruined entirely having already suffered trauma at a young age, let alone do so when I could transform their lives without any impact on my own life whatsoever.

There are such incredibly selfish people who do this to their families not because there would be any prospect that helping them financially would cause any insecurity to themselves in any conceivable way but because they are this disgustingly selfish and simply do not care.

The biggest travesty of higher education is the Blair government canning vocational training and pushing more people into university education. That might have worked if they’d also had an industrial and science policy to drive demand for all these graduates but they didn’t. Net result was depressed incomes for a generation or two of young people, while at the same time saddling them with large amounts of debt.

Add to that a pincer movement of ever increasing minimum wage and ever decreasing levels within organisation and not only are starting graduate salaries low, the ability to progress is nowhere near as easy as it was pre Blair. I left school with average A levels in ‘89, went to a decent university and started on an average graduate training programme in ‘92, in the depths of a recession. By the time a Blair came to power my salary had already tripled. I am sure that that wasn’t possible post Blair.

I might have the wrong end of the stick but are you saying he has savings of £250,000 to get him through retirement? If he needs care then he will get through it pretty quickly!
My husband and I are certainly aiming for far more cash than that to support everyday living/bills, a bit of travel, enjoying family and then inevitable health care needs when elderly.

My granny hoarded her money and was a real Scrooge about it. Seldom helped anyone and lamented often that she didn’t know what to do with “all this money”. She’s a terrible person in an hundred other ways and eventually had to go into a care home when she reached her late 90s. So far she’s spent about £150k of her hoarded wealth on care fees. It’s terrible what an utter waste it is to watch, but equally sort of poetic that her ill-will-wealth has been spent on that.