Parents hoarding money

This is the reality of the situation - my personal view is that the truth can hurt but it’s the truth nonetheless. Using expletives and profanities at other posters doesn't really change things I’m afraid!

Just wow. Pretty rude. You’ve never even met this person but you are attacking them, let’s be honest. Unfortunately, this is the mindset of a large section of MN. That’s why I rarely join threads, basically because of these unpleasant posts and posters. I do really think it’s time to close my account again. MN seems to attract these kinds of people, and it’s better for people who are not like that, not to interact with them.

OMG. It's fuckwit bingo.

This thread is about money. They are not fortunate. What's my generation, just out of interest?

Your parents know you better than I do.

You've previously stated that they thought you should work full-time, if you needed more money.

Do you have a history of laziness coupled with an entitlement to their money? Do they perhaps think you're faking/exaggerating your illness in order to avoid working and/or to have them subsidise your lifestyle choices?

I think that there's possibly a story here that we're not aware of.

I think people fail to comprehend the impact that mass immigration has had upon their lifestyles. The population has increased by 20% since the year 2000. Basic supply and demand theory tells you what will happen to house prices and rents.

During the 1950s-1990s London was depopulating. Inner city London was considered to be crime ridden, bombed out and run down. House prices were lower because nobody wanted to live there. That's why you could buy a nice house in Chiswick.

Wages have also stagnated for twenty years due to an unlimited supply of unskilled labour as more and more people arrive, year after year.

Young people seem to be clueless and appear to be in favour of unlimited immigration. If anybody connects the dots, they just scream 'racist' at them.

You reap what you sow.

PS. Didn’t Charles Dickens write a book about this, condemning the moral outlook of the miser and hoarder.? A Christmas Carol? Though I believe they changed the name to Scrooge?

It’s not an either/or. You can do both if you are wealthy. Keep some money for your old age and ALSO help and share your good fortune and wealth with your family. MY PERSONAL VIEW IS THAT IT’S AN EXCUSE, AND THEY ARE JUST USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO HOLD AND KEEP THE MONEY AND POWER TO THEMSELVES. It may also be a way of them exerting control over their family!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to use the capitals, my iPhone did something weird then!

But if you make contingency plans, i.e. saving for your old age, you are hoarding! Can't win.

It’s mind-boggling isn’t it?

it wouldn’t be so bad if they invited you on their mega-holidays, or said come and enjoy our pool (instead of complaining about the maintenance costs) – but I but that’s not the case.

As I said, mind boggling that someone can just keep all that money for themselves and not share it with their family who are struggling.

Dreadful. Selfish. Cold.🥶

My mum is a bit that way...

Only a couple of days ago, in the midst of a chatty phonecall, she suddenly goes, "Oh! The stock market has done very well lately! One of my shares is now worth £100,000! I should probably split that up a bit! Tee hee hee!"

All I can do is go, "Oh yes, you should probably split that up a bit in case the stock market collapses..."

Sure! But you’re also not the same as other people. Look on the Elderly Parents threads and you’ll see there are a LOT of us caregiving for older parents who made no contingency plans and refuse outside help.

I do find the idea of hoarding wealth and not helping family out strange, but also each to their own and such. My DP are fairly well off, not millionaires but they are able to spend money on luxuries freely. They don't go and give me/DH/my kids money just because, but they do treat us to luxuries, eg a nice family holiday, meals out and so on. I do ask DM not to buy stuff constantly for my DDs as I don't want them to expect that as normal, but I am grateful if she treats them to a nice day out somewhere or if their birthday/Christmas presents are more expensive.

I fully intend on treating my DDs the same when they have kids - me and DH are in agreement that we don't want to spoil them, but we also don't want to see them struggle either. Assuming nothing changes between now and when my DP pass, we will set aside a chunk of my inheritance for my DDs for a house deposit or similar thing depending where they're at in their lives. I will treat my potential future grandkids to family holidays and such if I'm able. And if something does change and I inherit nothing, then that's life so ah well 🤷‍♀️ I'll still try my very best to support my DDs into adulthood and even if I'm totally broke I'll still support them with my time if they want help with free childcare for eg

Because that poster @LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa wanted the money for themselves! 😆

Or he leaves it to charity in his will when he knows he won't need it for care.

My in laws are sitting on millions, and my mother in laws mother just inherited roughly £60 million after my husbands grandpa passed. My in laws complain about how big their holiday homes pool is and how it’s too expensive to heat, spending roughly £55k a year on maintenance (which is more than my husband makes), and spending £20k a person on their holidays. Meanwhile we are buying reduced groceries at lidl and trying not to turn on the heat still. It’s true- it’s theirs, but i don’t want my children to struggle the same way and it motivates me to keep going.

I don’t get it either. Even if they don’t want to share with family for whatever reason there are so many good causes.

I have literally no spare money at the moment due to a house maintenance issue I’ll probably have to take out a loan to fix but if I had some spare money I would love to make the Christmas hampers for families at Christmas. There are a million things like that he could get happiness out of spending his money on but some people do get happiness just from hoarding it.

You would think he would love to see his grandchildren being able to drive or pay their rent at uni because of him but a lot of people don’t think like that. They think it’s my money I earned it.

@ThisOldThang Would a £2mn investment not never run out? Realistically, the stock market performs better than 2pc or even 4pc. So even if you withdraw 4pc your pot is still being invested and growing by more than 4pc on average.

I understand that side of things too. That’s why I said that there are restrictions to this sort of society and those who think the price to pay isn’t worth it.
Mine was a more theoretical observation saying that every modal has its pros and cons, not that one is better than the other.
One of the downsides of places where families are less connected is that it is more likely to create situations where families don’t feel the need to put themselves out for other members because society tells them that as adults we are completely for ourselves as individuals.

I don't see where they are "struggling."

People need to cut their cloth. The lifestyle expectations of todays's 20-40 somethings is off the charts. And the tiresome "they had it so much easier" is ignoring the standard-of-living creep that has happened over the past 50 years.

Every woman in my extended family going back 100 years has worked out of the home their entire adult lives, one grandmother despite having six children. The latter raised them in a two-bedroom house, moving to a three-bedroom when the older girls left school and got jobs to contribute.

My mother was one of the six kids, in the 1950s/early 60s she lied about her age at 14 to get a waitress job in a cafe, and left school at 17 and worked as a secretary then did cleaning and such at night and on weekends to help raise her younger siblings. I don't think she had it easy. My dad did a stint in the RN and then from 20-32 worked a factory job for Ford and drove a lorry at night to earn extra $$. Both my parents lived at their parents' homes until they married, and then saved for several years before TTC so they could afford mum to take time off when I was born. They never got any sort of dole or handout. Their house until I was 12 was a 2BR, 1-bath 900 sq ft. With secondhand furniture. When they upgraded around 1980 the mortgage interest rates were double-digit.

How is that "having it easy" ? They earned everything they ever accumulated via hard work. And I might add that the daily standard of living was nothing like today's. One phone, one TV (black and white for the most part), no other tech, one shared old car (I think the longest my dad ran the same car was 24 years), no pets, no brand-new furniture, no dishwasher, tumble dryer later in life, no aircon, they didn't travel overseas till upward of age 50. As kids and teens we didn't have expensive extracurriculars; my only after-school activity from 15 onward was either babysitting or working in an office for pocket money.

Now young people expect travel, contact lenses, meat at any meal they fancy, attractively decorated and spacious houses, state-of-the-art white goods and appliances, lots of "activities" and "days out" with their kids, the list goes on.

Go back and live like people did in the 1950s, 60s and 70s for a year- it's quite possible if one has self-discipline - and then get back to us about how "easy" it was.

But I bet she's not sitting on a huge pile of cash either.

I think there is a lack of understanding from a lot of posters.

1. £250k is a pittence in terms of pension provision. If you took 4% (a potentially risky amount depending upon age) it would only be £10k a year. Even with the State Pension, that would only be £22k a year. That would cover bills, Council Tax and food, but not a lot more. A comfortable retirement would probably require £2 million and a lower annual percentage to reduce risk - e.g. 2% of £2 million would be £40k per annum.

2. All this talk of 'hoarding' is ridiculous. The sums that you should be trying to save are terrifying. If your parents have managed to get across the finish line, good luck to them. Who are you to say how much of their money is 'too much'? How much are you saving for your retirement?

3. Lots of older people have the attitude that helping adult children is 'killing with kindness'. You might disagree with the sentiment, but my father has a friend who is constantly bailing out his adult son, despite him being in his forties. He's never needed to knuckle down and succeed in a career. He just phones his dad for money. What's he going to do when his dad's generous final salary pension isn't there?

Since I left university I've not asked my dad for a penny. We paid for our own wedding and saved up our own house deposit. We purchased in 2017, so it's not like we bought it during the 1990's slump. We worked, saved, invested and bought a run down shit hole.

Take responsibility for your own lives. If you want more money, study for some professional qualifications and get a better job.

And she probably wasn't allowed to pick up certain type of jobs, get divorced or have her own bank account.

How is OP struggling financially? They didn't say. The only description was 'daily grind' and 'making sacrifices' and the grandparent being extremely frugal and having some money in the bank. Plus an expectation that each future generation has it better than the one before.

As a wife and mother in the 50s my Mum also worked as a school dinners cook. She also took in ironing. During the holidays she cleaned other people's houses and went fruit and potato picking. Yeah, she had it really easy.