Parents hoarding money

It’s on amounts over £1 million per couple. And the dead person doesn’t pay it, their estate does.

It’s great, isn’t it. Someone who is able to pay for their own care in old age.

Are you offering to look after him and not have the state pay for it, if he starts spending money on your children now?

I am approaching retirement. I have funded my my kids through Uni and I have also funded £50k each for deposits. I also fund some nights out and some other expenditure. They are now in their early 20s. Generally though, I think my kids need to stand on their own two feet. I have friends who are still funding dentist, phone and other bills for their kids in their 40s. In some cases these kids are in professional jobs. Roughly for retirement I should need £36k net a year to live comfortably. I also might need some care support, so logically the bulk of my finances will be retirement focused. I see an increasing trend for DCs to see the savings of their parents as theirs and their parents being blockers in getting access to it.

This is one of the things I find astounding
That a 30 year old doesn't realise a 65 year old will have had an extra 35 years of saving and working but they think they should be entitled to have the same .

Older people grew up in relative poverty or at least a much more challenging lifestyle. Some may have money now but there is always the fear they will lose the money.

Younger people have a much more relaxed attitude to money. Grew up with the view that if they make a financial mistake someone will bail them out and of course there is the welfare system to faal back on.

It’s not uncommon, in fact I’d say his view is really quite common. I don’t have an amazing relationship with my parents, but least because they were stingey throughout my childhood. Seeing them now Beth comfortable when they could have indulged us more makes me annoyed. Everything I do is for my children.

You do realise that most people are wealthier when they retire, don't you? By then, they will probably have a lump sum from their pension and maybe a couple of inheritances along the way, coupled with no mortgage to pay.
Some on MN seem to forget their parents will most likely have gone through everything their children are going through now to get to where they are today. I have no idea when this expectation that young families should be as comfortable as pensioners came to be, but it's completely ridiculous.

Well, all of these elderly people clearly want to pay away 40pc in IHT, which is a high level of generosity to the community of the UK.

There is a lot of focus on the OP being after her dad’s cash. I think it’s more the gloating they have an issue with , and it’s hard to hear that when you yourself are struggling.

Same

mygrandad ended up being in a care home for over 10 years and that was 15 years ago and his was only £4000 a month.

we had to sell everything he owned to pay for it but I’m so glad because we couldn’t of done it without that.

To be fair, I think that’s what the vast majority of parents, be they Gen X, Boomers or the Silent generation have always done. But as the state simultaneously takes more but provides less some of those relying on fixed incomes are, probably correctly, becoming more cautious. Stopping work does change a lot of people’s outlook on money. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone. There’s no ability to earn more. And yes, there are still people, like the OP, who have parents who are either cautious or selfish or just insecure, and that impacts their children. But I still think rather than dwell on what you can’t change looking forward and focusing on what you can change is a healthier outlook.

And, looking on the bright side, as people have fewer children then inheritances get split fewer ways than they did or will for boomers and my generation :)

“He’ll end up giving it all away in care fees instead of enjoying it. ”
But surely that is THE single most sensible thing he could possibly do with HIS money, and no doubt it gives him peace of mind to know that he is providing for his care in the future. What could any reasonable person have against this approach????
Setting aside money to pay for childcare would I’m fairly sure, be seen by everyone as a very good idea so why do people on this thread have such a weird attitude to elderly care???

My dad actually did help out his grandchildren with key costs like uni living so on the whole I can’t fault him but he could be tiresome with his ‘look how much I am saving and I don’t know what to spend my savings on’ type comments. In the end, every time he started I’d suggest setting up a savings account for each of his grandchildren and paying into it regularly. If he carried on regardless I’d discuss how to go about setting them up, ask if he wanted help to do it, good providers of the service etc etc. He soon learned to drop it. Just irritating.

I hope this was directed at @ThisOldThang. I have rarely seen such vile comments here and that is saying something.

My FIL is the same. £3k a month income and he sits in his living room in gloves and a coat because he’s too tight to put the heating on. Gives his grandkids £20 for Christmas. Not being ungrateful for that, it’s obviously better than nothing, but it’s so sad that he’s probably sitting on nearly a million pound and he’s blummin miserable! Refuses to spend anything other than essential bills. Madness and his grandkids have no memories of nice days out or experiences with him. He’ll end up giving it all away in care fees instead of enjoying it. Terribly sad and frustrating… but it’s his money so what do you do??

"Men behave as they are accustomed" - Sir Francis Bacon, "Essays".

Your attitude sums up what’s wrong with the country.

No, I did not state that. I’ve always worked full time and still do now, although virtually housebound and in constant pain.

Try reading it again.

Laziness? I am working full time while chronically ill and caring for two children with disabilities as their sole parent. I hardly think someone who has been sitting on their backside for the last 20 years and done nothing for anyone - no volunteering or charity work, nothing for family - could call me lazy with a straight face.

Lifestyle choices? Having a dead husband and disabled children you mean? Or my own degenerative illness? Yeah, mea culpa: I brought it all on myself.

What disgusting comments.

Exactly. Because you’re a lovely, caring Mum.

Yes, of course it depends on what is feasible. The point is that decent people want to ensure they leave their children in the same of better circumstances than they enjoyed themselves, if at all possible, and help in any way they can. And that it’s appalling to be extremely well off and happy to watch your own children and grandchildren struggle and suffer.

I wasn't replying to you, unless you're using 2 accounts at the same time, which I believe is called sock-puppetry. Also swearing is allowed on Mumsnet.

Yes, you might remind him about this.

Some people can't see further than the end of their nose.

I am starting to think about this for my children. My husbands parents were delighted to give us quite a large lump when we had a young family. We paid off our mortgage and it allowed me to be a SAHM when the kids were babies/toddlers. They said they wanted to see us enjoy the money. There were no strings, we could do what we wished. I want to do the same. I know on retirement I and DH will get lump sums and whilst we wont leave ourselves short we will def give our kids a leg up. What is the point of hoarding it? I can understand your frustration esp as you cant do anything. If he wants to keep it all thats his perogative.

This.

I know they’re some very rich pensioners out there with plenty of spare cash. My MIL was complaining when they took her winter fuel money away that it was ‘her NY money’ She gets it back soon too after the Govt U turn. I think tell him how you feel? How you’re struggling? He might be completely unaware, men can struggle to read the room sometimes!