Parents hoarding money

This just comes across as a tone deaf boast about "how great my family is doing".

What if your kids weren't in good careers and were struggling through no fault of their own ?

Good careers are often due to hard work, but luck can play a factor as well.

Jesus…..

We save for DD since she was born and DM has put money aside for her too. Can’t imagine not helping my children or grandchildren financially. As for a care home. I’m not saving money for something that might never happen and then dying with thousands! Fuck that shit. My home can pay for care home fees- if push comes to shove.

Oh wow, i am glad i am not the only one in this situation.
i am mid 40s with 3 children, single, was recently dismissed from my long term job due to ill health. We are struggling.
My dad is 83, sat on A LOT of money but is obsessed with saving, so much so he drives a 20 year old car, mobile is 15 years old and doesn’t work, he will sit with 3 coats on rather than put heating on all through the winter.
last week I asked him if he could please get me a new car battery as it was flagged up on the service as bad & needs replacing, as were my back brakes. I explained I have spent £800 on the car to get it through MOT which I put on my credit card & would greatly appreciate his help. His reply was well the car started fine today and your front brakes are working fine! I said it’s about safety of me and kids & not being stranded with a flat battery. He started shouting at me, I started to cry & he left. I can only conclude he has zero care for me & my children as I could not imagine allowing my kids to struggle or have an unsafe car when I’ve got so much in the bank doing nothing. I was adopted and I just don’t think he loves me as he would his own.

Councils are increasingly not putting people into care homes as they are so expensive. They are leaving them at home with 3/4 carers a day. I want to be able to make the choice when I get there.
There are a couple of expensive care homes near me that simply do not take council funded patients. Again to have the choice is great.
There is also some pride in not wanting to be funded by the taxpayer.

My parents are doing the same although not the huge amount your parents are per month. It's for potential care home fees and possibly private health care if the NHS waiting time is too long. They never ever high earners so this is just state pension and just a small work pension. They owe their house and manage or little. I wish they spend their money on a coffee out and a cake rather than take a flask but their choice

Not all elderly parents are stingy gits, sitting on a fortune. Thirty years ago (after many years of hard work and saving and loans) we gave our two 21 year old children 100k worth of property each to get them on the property ladder. They have saved many £1,000s in mortgage interest since then, which was our hope.

We could really use some of that money now (no holidays for 4 years - 14 year old car) but we don't regret it for a minute! We manage our money carefully, live within our means and know that we could always ask the DC to help if things got too bad (we probably never will though).

I know others my age who have also substantially helped their children with money and childcare over the years. Please don't judge all the older generation the same as this miserable old Scrooge.

Having experienced several people in care homes…

If care homes are thin on the ground the LA will be paying for the person in an identical room to the one self-funding.

You can choose your home - up to a point. Mil had advanced dementia and was “bed blocking” in hospital. Dh and bil visited a ton of nursing homes and all bar one turned her down, despite being a self-funder. The homes ask for a report and mil was problematic. Anyway, the only place that would take her was occupied by 95% council-funded people. It was very basic and smelled quite bad although the staff were kind.

Yes this
The LA will only fund up to a certain amount
If you have the money you can choose where you go, the area you are in, size of room etc
LA will just go for cheapest they can get away with, miles away from family

I do the same. I just love a bargain. It's obviously different wanting to buy yellow sticker food as opposed to having to do it. I think it goes for a lot of things. I like being tight on occasion for things that just aren't worth it for me, but I remember the times when I felt poor and then having to save on everything was just a chore and it grinds you down. But is also meant I wanted out of this so do a lot better now. I know I'm lucky.

What a nasty suggestion.

They’re harming no one. People envious of them need to work harder to better themselves, rather than criticize others’ lifestyle choices.

This. The other thing about being self funding is that you or your family decide when you need to move into a care home. If the local authority is paying they decide and the bar is way too high. While they’d probably have funded my mum, my dad wouldn’t have qualified. As it was they went in together. It would have killed my dad if they’d been separated after more than 60 years of marriage. I cried when I saw the dreadful “home” the LA favours.

That’s surely the choice of the person concerned. State funded care one size fits none . Private care , your money , your rules .

YABU. If your DPs need to go in to care homes for the last 5 years of their lives then that money will be eaten up very quickly.

If you’re struggling, why not talk to them and ask for help?

Our parents/grandparents generation was a one off anomaly. And they often had it harder in childhood - lower life expectancy, no central heating, ice on the windows in winter, hardly anyone went to uni. I wouldn’t be too envious.

If you'd seen the awful smelly home social worker was recommending for my aunt, that's where she'd be if her money ran out we were told. We were able to choose a much better home where she has received excellent care for nearly ten years. Oh and no bad smells. I know where I'd rather end up.

Not putting the heating on is clearly unreasonable and foolish.

I don't see anything wrong with them timing their shopping to coincide with supermarket reductions. Retired people are time rich and don't have children to supervise in the evenings.

I earn £100k, but I'm happy to stock up the freezer with yellow sticker items.

What's wrong with foraging for wood? When I was a child we used to do that as a family on a Sunday afternoon.

Id get them to rwad A Christmas Carol. They sound very similar to Scrooge. Awful

No, not when you’re living in the same home as state funded people and your riches - that you could have spent to enjoy yourself whilst you were healthy or you could have strategically given away - have been used to pay for that care.

Regarding care homes. My Mum lived until she was 97 and was in a nursing home for her final five years. Some people there were self funded, others had continuing health care and others were funded by the local authority. There was absolutely no difference in the service they received and the self funded residents were subsidising the others. When savings ran out the local authority took over. If I had the sort of money some of your parents seem to I would be treating people. Wonder where I went wrong, worked in the NHS with only a four year break and , although comfortable have nothing like that amount of savings. Do have a house but I live in it.

Again I’ll highlight from experience social workers do a financial assessment.
Mr A who has claimed benefits for years can be next door in a private care home to Mr B who is privately funded. Same care only difference is different rates they pay. This is the case in Scotland however who knows how it will change in the future.

Absolutely this⬆️

This! Kids cost an absolute fortune. Lovely as they are, they’re not cheap.

Easiest way to accumulate wealth is have no kids. But if everyone did that then there wouldnt be a mumsnet lol. 20+ years ago when i worked in financial services, the estimated total cost of raising a child through to 18 was £180,000.
I bet its a whole load more now, and that didnt include uni either!

Better to be the richest man in the graveyard than the poorest man in the nursing home .

Part of being a responsible parent is making sure you provide for your old age well enough that you won't put pressure on your grown children to bridge gaps and provide the care you could buy in for yourself. If that means a delay in passing down wealth to ensure your solvency in old age, so be it.

Congratulate him…. He’ll be the richest
man in the graveyard!