To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

I'm worried for your future op. He's treating you like a scivvy. The fact that you're pregnant makes it even worse. He should be looking after you. I highly doubt this is the only example of his terrible behaviour.

Honestly I would leave him if you can. He is not going to step up when your baby is born. I'm so sorry you're in this position. He's a pig.

This is the last Christmas for at least 20 years, where you can relax a bit. I love Christmas with my kids but it is completely different, and far more knackering than it was without them. You need to do what makes YOU happy at Christmas this year, because you'll be out on that back burner for a long time!

I would be having a good hard think about Christmas, buying a house and continuing a pregnancy with this man. The mask has slipped now you're pregnant and he thinks you're stuck.

He says I’m being miserable but he has absolutely no intention of helping with cooking as it hates it.

He is the one who is being unreasonable. It would be reasonable to discuss Christmas plans with you first, including the number of people he was planning to invite, especially as he expects you to cook. Since he didn't do that, he can either do the cooking himself or you go for the easy option (e.g. some dinner in a kit as you say and finger foods). If he insists on cooking the full dinner for the army, he can do it himself.

Haven't RTFT, but while I love many "foreign" dishes, why does it have to be their own cuisine on such a day?

I don't pretend to speak for anyone else, but if I was visiting someone elsewhere for Christmas I'd hope to share in their traditions - food included - since no doubt they get plenty of their own back home

Yep! Tell him your parents reallywant you to spend Christmas with them so you are going to go there and he can enjoy Christmas with his relatives. Leave him to do the shopping, making up beds etc.

Long term, you know he sees you as a skivvy, either make peace with that for the rest of your life or think about moving on.

I don't want to help her cut, trim, and polish a rod for her own back that will be used to beat her with every day she stays in a relationship with this man.

She can explain reality to him, which means if he wants a special feast he shops, prepares, cooks, serves, and clears up afterwards. Or she can run for the hills.

I can see I will get roasted here for taking a different point of view. Although I can sympathise with the OPs plight I think that there are ways they must compromise.
you’ve spent previous christmases with OPs family where I assume her mum has done the cooking. This year you’re basically planning a MandS Xmas ready meal so there’s not much effort on your part.
Youre expecting a baby with this man. Your dual heritage child and future children will be interested in their heritage and both of you will have to step up to provide this.
i would see this as an exciting opportunity to learn more about your partners culture. Are you in touch with his mum? Ask her for advice. What can be prepared in advance? Are there any ingredients that might be hard to source in the UK. Is there a website selling dishes from this culture, that would take some pressure off you.
This needs a serious conversation between you. You’re prepared to step up and he must help you do it. As the OP has pointed out her efforts may not live up to his expectations.
In coming years Christmas will be chaos but enormous fun.
Ato not knowing the couple well- this is an opportunity to know them better. I’d explain to them your anxiety and ask if they’d be prepared to help as you’re unfamiliar with the dishes.

Can we all help you with ideas? What food are you talking about? Maybe some dishes can be prepared/cooked in advance and frozen?

🚩🚩🚩 I fear his traditional, outdated and somewhat misogynistic tendencies will be even more pronounced once you bring a child into the equation… OP you have a lot to ponder…

Christmas is a perfect time for a break up. This man is a gaslighting misogynist and you're being a bit of a wet blanket. Don't put up with it.

OP, I don’t know if you’re reading these posts. I’ve been married nearly 25 years and remember having serious doubts before the wedding but feeling like I couldn’t call if off / talked myself out of the doubts and didn’t listen to my gut.

I wish I’d heard all this then and my life hadn’t turned out the way it did. Marrying my husband is my biggest regret 😕 but it’s really complicated and I’ve got children and it would have been so much easier to stop it all back then. You’ll probably think I’m a hypocrite and you’re probably right but I always want to save people from living the life that I did.

You will have a miserable life if you stay with this man. I guarantee you you'll be back posting on MN down the line, this time with a couple of children in the mix to complicate things.

This man is doing a great job at controlling you and you seem pretty blind to it. He has managed to get you not to see your family at Christmas but to cater for his family who you barely know? It’s his family, he can cook for them if he wants specific food for them.

He's already said once that your cooking "wouldn't be the same". Why is he now expecting it to be?

I think you need to make a massive stand NOW and his reaction should be a deciding factor in whether you stay with this man.

I just don’t understand how it’s meant to work - am I supposed to put the carp in the washing up bowl if I want a shower? Shave my legs with it swimming round my feet?

Practice these dishes but ruin them on purpose. Its his culture so he should be practicing it and you partaking. He doesnt have you over a barrel by having previous Christmases at your parents because there was no other option. You would have been happy to have had his Christmas but he does need to be the one that drives it.
He's being unreasonable here. Its either your Christmas that you cook for or his Christmas that he cooks for.

He offered to "help" with cleaning up 🤣 oh wow what a guy! I know you seem to have resolved this now and are just making a curry but his behaviour here is a little glimpse into how he will treat you once you have this baby, he sits around and you do it all.

YANBU. I think if he extended the invite and he wants a traditional Christmas from his own country then he should do the majority of the cooking with your help. But he should take the lead. The idea was to save money and it will be costly to buy special ingredients. If it’s all on you I would cancel the invite.

bit I think this should be a warning to you about the kind of life partner he willbe for you, particularly if you are pregnant. He needs to step up but it does not sound like he is willing.

We took in my Ds gf last year, her home life took a nosedive all of a sudden

I cooked for her and my Ds as usual and made sure there was plenty for her to take to her dad.

my oh was a bit sceptical about this, but he had no food, it was Christmas and I’d made sure she was safe.

Tell him he’s hosting with you, that he needs to do a lot of the traditional food as he knows what it’s supposed to be

otherwise you will just do a uk lunch as this is far less complicated for you

otherwise it’s his family, the least you can do is welcome them.

if it’s a disaster, then it’s not repeated

If he is so 'traditional' will he refuse to do half for baby or expect you to do everything, in which case you'd be like a single parent anyway? If tell him you agree family is important at Xmas. You will go home to your parents and he can be with his family. You will see him at New Year.

I don't know any household where the person who is cooking meals is not the person who chooses what meals they cook. Is it as rare as my life experience suggests? If you want to select a specific meal you go to a restaurant that serves it (or call a delivery service). Expressing a preference for something from the established home repertoire is different, but even with that, it's the cook's choice..