To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

He‘d have you over a barrel if HE had cooked a traditional British Christmas for your family for the last many years. This is not what‘s happened. He‘s benefitted from your family doing Christmas for him. Why are his relatives not inviting you to enjoy their Christmas with them? That would be equivalent. A man marrying a woman from another culture and expecting her to recreate his childhood Christmas favourites is insanely immature behaviour. You‘ve ruined his day because he just realised them implications of marrying a foreigner (to him).

The bit that is totally unreasonable is that he invited people to your house at Christmas without checking with you at all. For me, no matter who was cooking, that's not on. I would therefore be telling him that he can either uninvite them or you're going to your parent's.... alone. They're not even close family. This is not ok.

You really don't have to do this, you know.

Unless he did all the cooking when you went to your parents I don’t see how you are over a barrel.

Fucking hell. He sounds utterly self absorbed and selfish. Really this is not ok. This is not the behaviour of someone who loves you, cares for you and has your wellbeing at heart. He doesn't consult you, has made plans for your labour, has taken away any time you have for yourself to relax over the holidays and all 'me me me'

Please set some boundaries for yourself and say no to this, or go to your family. Give him something to think about - he needs to know this behaviour is not acceptable..

I don’t see why you are the one who will have to cook just because he doesn’t like cooking. If you are going to host tell him you can’t wait to try all the dishes he grew up with when HE cooks them for you all. It’s not like you’ve done all the work other years as you went to your parents so you can’t be criticised for not wanting to do it now. You’re pregnant and need a break too - do not let him railroad you into doing all the work - that will only set the precedent for the rest of your marriage.

Oh sweetheart what’s happened to your ability to speak? What makes it so hard for you to say there seems to have been a misunderstanding about how things will be this Christmas? You’re a partnership right? A team. So the team needs to host Christmas. You and him together writing a long list of what needs to be done and then divvying it up. He doesn’t get to write the script of your life you know. Take the power, energy and outrage of your post and use it to create a shared Christmas where you work as a team.

Never would this be acceptable. What country though as if European, we may be able to advise on ready made versions to help you out.

I can’t believe how awful this sounds!!

they are all taking the piss out of you - BIG time

you are right, he has you over a barrel - but not because you’ve been to your parents for Christmas previously - because they are treating you like a skivvy -

please wake up and see what’s happening here - red flag city

If he is like this before you are married and before you have children can you imagine what your life will be like if you marry him and proceed to have a family with this selfish mysogonust.

End it now.

This with Christmas bells on

“In car on the way home he said “By the way, I’ve invited them for Christmas”

And you said, “Well that’s lovely, darling, but I won’t be there, and I’m most particularly not doing the cooking.” Does he not appreciate how unkind and rude it is, spending time talking in his language with other people when you can’t understand? You’re going to have to say something, OP - like, “Not happening”.

Please, do not cook this dinner and do making up sleeping spaces. Either your DP cooks his idea of a traditional Christmas meal on you push ahead with your M&S dinner.

Though I'd be reconsidering your relationship with his man, he will never play his part in cooking or housework and if/when you have children, childcare will all be down to you. He's also isolating you from his family and I bet the reason you aren't going home this Christmas is not to save money but to humour partner.

End the relationship and go to your family for Christmas.

What sort of person invites guests for Christmas, tells their partner that they must cook recipes that are traditional to their country and states in advance that they won't help you because they don't like cooking.

So it's ok as long as he's happy? It isn't actually.

Tell him that you're sorry (or maybe not) but his culture isn't yours and if he wants his culture he needs to step up otherwise it's not happening. This emotional blackmail/sulking is ridiculous.

Why can’t he cook?

He's not the one OP.

Give yourself an early Christmas present and choose a better life for yourself.

My jaw dropped reading this- why the hell are you even contemplating going along with this demand? Fuck that!

He invited them, he can cook.

Seriously, put in place some firm boundaries in your relationship now. You’re about to have a baby with a man who orders you about and sees you as some skivvy. Why are you doing that?

How exactly has he “got you over a barrel”? Every Christmas, including all those you’ve previously spent at your parents, have involved him being waited on hand and foot If he wants to eat the food from his own country/culture, then he can bloody cook it! I fear there may be many threads in the future of you regretting the decision to have a baby with this man.

What’s your reaction to the many helpful replies you’re getting OP?

Any thoughts?

You can't cook their traditional food at Christmas for people you barely know. They will have high expectations. You will be run ragged and they will be talking in their language. Either he cooks it or the cousins help out. Or you go to your parents. Or you leave the sulky, entitled tosser.

It sounds like none of them (boyfriend included) think much of you at all. So I’d pack up and go to your family, or book yourself a lovely LONE holiday break away and let him deal with them - if you’re even together by Christmas, which tbh, doesn’t sound the end of the world if you weren’t!

Tell him he’s cooking or you’re going to your family. I’d be really pissed off at them excluding you from the conversation when they presumably speak English. (And I say that as a multilinguist) Imagine your future, OP. He hates cooking and thinks you should do it all even tho you’ve been unable to find recipes? And he thinks you should stick to traditional roles ie he sits back while you act like it’s the 1950s? You sure about this one?

Of course he doesn't have you over a barrel! Just say no you're not cooking all that .

He wants his familiar Christmas food, fine, he can cook his familiar Christmas food. He can also clear up after himself, no expecting you to be kitchen maid.