To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

It’s been said already, but I’ll reiterate.

YOU
DO
NOT
HAVE
TO
COOK

You don’t have to cook a British Christmas dinner. You certainly don’t have to cook a foreign Christmas dinners. If you’re finding it stressful, you’re in early pregnancy, protect yourself and say you’re not doing it.

You can (and maybe should) be wholly and enthusiastically supportive of an Eastern European Christmas, but you are not the right person to host it and that doesn’t make you an less of a partner, it’s not unfair because you’ve had British Christmas in the past.

Presumably he’ll want to pass his traditions down to his child too. And you’ll want to pass yours down. So he needs to start stepping up and thinking about how HE is going to facilitate that, with your support (but not your implementation).

I haven't read the whole thread so excuse any repeats.
In the years you've been together, have you made any efforts at all to find out about his culture or the kind of food they eat? Surely this is a basic?

Mid European probably has similarities with the kinds of foods eaten in UK.
If you give us a clue as to which culture then maybe we can help with ideas?

How dare he invite people around without consulting you and then tell you that you'll be cooking and what type of cuisine. It sounds likely that if you cooked those dishes, they wouldn't be "right" or "the way mum/grandma/auntie used to make them" anyway. And you'd fail him (again?).

You’ve still not answered questions about why it’s you doing the cooking. You do realise that they will criticise your cooking if it is not like they are used to.
I would shut down the conversation now…unless he does the cooking.

He has no intention of 'helping' with the cooking? He's invited them - let him do the cooking. Then you could offer to help him with it if you feel like it!

Does he respect you as an individual or are you just a woman expected to cook and clean and bear his offspring?

This.

I genuinely never thought I'd write this sort of comment, but my gut instinct here is 'run'. You are in the very early stages of pregnancy and still have time to reconsider whether this man will make a good father and husband. This episode does not bode well unless you want a a very very "traditional" role as wife and mother. It could get even worse, and you are expected to work outside of the home fulltime as well as do all the domestic and childcare duties. I grew up in a situation similar to this (with a mother who was conditioned by childhood hardship and social expectation as well as naive loving kindness), and it is not what I wanted for myself. I would definitely not want such a life for a daughter.

You seem to be focusing on the logistical difficulties related to cooking and missing the bigger picture here. Your partner's actions are very selfish and dripping with contempt for you. He might well be lovely in other ways, and not able to see why his attitude and actions are not acceptable due to his own conditioning and upbringing. Please stand up for yourself or you will live to regret it.

As an aside, I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my DS at Christmas time, and felt very unwell, whereas I'd been feeling really well before that point. My 2nd trimester was lousy, which is not uncommon. I happened to have my parents staying with me for 2 weeks - I was not capable of cooking a normal meal for them, forget a full Christmas spread! We are also a binational multilingual family, and ny DH would never think to behave like this. We often do the special Christmas food traditions from his culture (which can be a lot of work), but we do them together, or if I do not have the headspace he does it. We support each, we do not demand that the other does it for us. We have also learnt each others' languages (admittedly, it took him 15 years longer to learn mine than I did to learn his, but he got there in the end, and we are raising our son to speak all of our "home" languages).

Please have a really good think about what so many PPs have said. You need to protect yourself.

He hasn't got you over a barrel!

The equivalent to the UK Christmas is going to HIS family and THEM doing all the running around.

Be very careful with this man OP - he's already emotionally manipulative and dismissive of you & your needs. Honestly, I'd tell DH to get fucked if he ever pulled this shit on me.

Out of interest... Have you kept a running away fund?

It’s fine to have a Christmas in his tradition, but he needs to do the cooking for it. He can’t just order your to.

Have you also discussed your reasoning re not going to your parents, ie that it was to save money?

Just read about the pregnancy oh dear. All the more reason to head to your family where you can rest a bit and consider if this really is the right life path for you. Going ahead will tie you you to him forever.

He has not ‘got you over a barrel’ because the last Christmases have been traditionally British.

Not unless he did all the cooking of the dinner, for your relatives!

He isn’t suggesting like for like.

Tell him it will ruin his relatives Christmas if they are stuck with your inexperienced version of their cooking.

He is being ridiculous.

And a knob.

OP, you really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

You’ve only been “ roped in” if you allow it to happen. You're not over a barrel !

Learn the value of the word” NO”. It really makes life so much easier and less complicated.

It doesn’t matter that you've had British Christmas at your family the past few years. He didn’t have to cook then either. Nor did you !
He has volunteered you to cook a lavish foreign Xmas meal for his family. Without asking you. And he has no intention of helping. So treating you like a skivvy on Xmas day !

Just say you WON’T be doing that ( because you don’t want to. No other validation needed!) If he kicks off, go stay with your family and leave him to it.
And while you’re with your family reflect on whether you want to stay with a man who doesn’t respect you and calls you “ miserable” when you don’t toe the line !

He’s not a nice man

And at any point I assume he could have had his traditional Christmas if he’d have wanted to, but didn’t. He enjoyed Christmas with your family. He’s not unreasonable to want to host his family and have his traditional celebrations, but 100% unreasonable to lay it all on you.

I would be making it very clear that it’s on him to cater for his family, that you’ll be around in the morning for pre dinner drinks and to wish them a Merry Christmas, but you’ll be off then to see your parents for lunch.

Apart from this Christmas Shit Show ...

You;ve been together three years
Do you speak any of his native language ? You possibly wouldn;t be fluent enough to keep up with him when he's chatting to his cousin . But have you met his wider family ? (As he has met yours )

Don;t you ever say to him "What;s the food you traditionally have at XYZ event "
Even if you never want to make it , it is nice to know what is eaten.

(My DParents were Glaswegians, a Steak Pie featured in the Christmas Fayre . I cooked one . I;m vegetarian so I had to ask "what cut" at the butchers )

Not being goady but surely being married to someone from a different culture you'd be interested .

But yes , he's rail roaded you into a load of extra work that you probably could do without ,

I agree with may others. I’d say you’re off to your parents’ after all. I do agree I don’t think this relationship is worth pursuing as there are too many red flags for this early in a relationship!
if you are determined to stick it out, he has to engage with the local community who speak his language and find someone who will cook the spread and you can pick it up and reheat on as eve. That’s what I do when I host my in-laws. But tbh im not convinced he’s worth the effort!

I don’t mean to be crass but I would SERIOUSLY reconsider the pregnancy. You will be letting yourself in for a life of misery.

Wake up.
Just noticed you're pregnant.
Oh dear OP.
Rethink this

So pleased you have time to rethink and not become a Mum without a supportive partner. Find someone who realises how lucky he is to be with you, know your worth.

You’re creating a problem where there isn’t one OP. Your DP is obviously a huge twat, but you’re a grown ass woman. Tell him to fuck off and cook his own ‘culturally appropriate’ Christmas dinner! Honestly, stop being a martyr…use your words!

You don’t have to do anything.

It should be something you both agree to not one making the decision.

Also, you don’t have to make anything. He invited them he get do the cooking and set up beds for them to sleep. You can chill and have a relaxing Christmas.

He’s being very selfish, expecting you to slave away and get stressed while he enjoys himself. Sadly this is a strong sign of how things will be if you stay with him.
Tell him he needs to cook or you need to do it jointly. I would be firm on this because once you give in you’re going to keep having to deal with these demands and your life will be miserable.

I’d volunteer for the Christmas shift at work if I were you …

He sounds awful

This. Read it again, OP.

My usual question. What does he bring to the relationship?