To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

You still don’t sound as though you are going to stand up to him. It doesn’t need to be so much pressure. Just don’t do it.

It’s completely reasonable for him to want a traditional Christmas from his culture.
Its completely unreasonable for him to expect/ demand you provide it for him.

He's showing you exactly where he considers you, beneath him, serving him, and just in the nick of time. Don’t move in with him.

So OP, your offer of trying to make a stew from his cuisine was not good enough a few months ago, but now you are to be in charge of catering his traditional Christmas feast. He is nuts and very very unreasonable.

You sound very young, and tbh honest quite blinded by being 'in love'. I'm not sure there's a cure for those two things other than getting older and learning the hard way - unless you are willing to act on the advice so many women have given you this evening.

I hope you work it out. Good luck!

He voluntold you and wants to host on your work when you're unfamiliar with his cuisine. And to do this when you're not a confident cook to begin with and will be ? months pregnant, what an asshole move.

He cooks or you're off to your parents.

Leave him with an emergency pizza.

I'm serious. I don't do voluntold shit at all.

and do you cook meals you've never eaten on demand from people who never cook? yes I would for a special occasion also for my own interest and experience. If it was a disaster, I would laugh about it and hope my guests would too.
Whoever cooks decides the menu. agree.

Cooking something you've never eaten for someone for whom it's a cultural staple is different from trying out new recipes together or trying to reproduce something you enjoyed at a restaurant or on holiday, for fun.
It's an 'I'm trying to make you feel welcome and show respect for your culture' thing. In my experience, guests do not usually pick faults with what you've prepared even though it may have failed. They are usually pleased you've tried.

@localnotail I didn't know that. But would it not be more of an all women cook together situation in such countries? More of an extended family / village get together setup? As opposed to 1 woman who can't even cook the traditional food?
I would think this cousin plus the 2men should insist on cooking the dinner and make OP welcome to watch if she is curious about the process. This was probably DH's idea to prove to his relatives that his wife is traditional wife material. Very narrow minded and disrespectful of him.

as an aside, do you think a traditional Christmas meal with enormous pressure to satisfy his family is the way to start exploring his food?

Erm...well obviously not - hence the suggestion of a restaurant/caterer.

Also finding a middle ground does not make one a slave...

He invited them - he does ALL the work. Especially on the “traditional spread from their country” elements as he should know them.

Tell him that he’s had a free home cooked meal at your parents all these years of Christmases, the least he can do is cook this Christmas for his own family.

He does not have you over a barrel, he has never cooked for your family! You sound downtrodden.

What is the housework split?

At five weeks pregnant I’d be looking at terminating and running. I’m really not sure you want this man in your future. Think long and hard about this relationship. He’s shown you no respect and was happy for you to be isolated for the entire day……he didn’t care you’d be three months pregnant and knackered. He didn’t cook when you were horribly ill until you begged…..get out now.

Im guessing his british Christmas was him eating the food and he never actually lifted a finger.

@KatieBenoiteee sounds like he’s ruined YOUR mood and YOUR night. Not to mention he’s ruining your Christmas by expecting you - by then 6 months pregnant presumably - to stand there slogging away without any help from his Lordship. And you do realise he’ll be like this with the baby don’t you? It will all be up to you……

My husband is American. I make American-style things now and again because it seems like a nice thing to do. I lived in the States long enough to know that some of what I make does not taste exactly the same, but he is always pleased I’ve made the effort, and of course he is complimentary about it.

We also celebrate some American holidays - July 4th, Thanksgiving - with a fair number of guests, and we share the cooking (he does more though) because they are his traditions. If there was something he wanted to include that he didn’t know how to make, he’d look up a recipe.

If he carried on like your ‘partner’, I’d have told him to fuck off long ago.

THIS

Why do some women set the bar so low for relationships? What exactly do these men bring to the table except misery?

My dh would never do this I’m not ‘lucky’ he’s just a decent person. Your dp has put himself first without giving any thought to you and instead of acknowledging the many helpful posts you swerve and continue to talk about how overwhelmed you feel.

Set your boundaries and honestly ask yourself why you remain in a relationship with a man who thinks so little of you.

You should have said you were also really looking forward to the authentic dishes he's going to cook for everyone.

That's a really handy skill to learn. Whenever someone has these sort of hair brained ideas where the unspoken assumtion is you will be doing the work, turn it around on them and say you can't wait for them to do xyz. When they say it's meant to be you doing it, feign surprise - I couldn't possibly make you an authentic xmas dinner, you'll probably end up with inedible swill if I tried to do it. I can't wait for you to show me your favourite dishes! I'm so excited you're taking charge of xmas this year!

If it's something you don't want to do, put them in charge of it.

Well that’s good, OP.
If he invites them, don’t look for solutions like caterers etc for him.

If he invites them, he deals with it !

In fact if he does invite them, you're best going to your family as they’ll likely make you feel guilty for not cooking !

The bigger issue of his lack of respect for you hasn’t gone away though and you should seriously consider if you want to stay with him and why ?? Do you think he will be a good role model to your child ? Sexist, selfish, lazy, disrespectful ?

Dear lord, this is a bloody nightmare! It makes our simple roast with extras look like a plate of sarnies:
https://www.polonist.com/polish-christmas-food/

Culinary details aside, OP, it does seem you've got yourself a man with rigid & unreasonable expectations. I'd bugger off out of there if I were you.

He sounds absolutely horrid. So he can't wait for his pregnant partner to slave away in the kitchen cooking Christmas food from his own country while he and his family put their feet up and bitch about the results in their own language?

Fuck that. If I were you I'd be going to my own family, partner is very welcome to cook and clean and tidy for the guests he invited.

I'd also seriously reconsider the relationship, because he's not going to improve.

He mows the lawn three times a day does he? And does a weekly shop for lawn mowing gubbins? You surely both know that mowing the lawn and doing all the cooking aren't remotely comparable on terms of labour.
Jeez this man needs to be in the fucking bin.

Meant to say : Do you WANT to continue with this pregnancy?

Are you really falling for this? He wants a maid with benefits.

Cooking requires menu planning, shopping, prep, cooking, cleaning up. More than once a day, everyday, forever. It is relentless. I used to quite enjoy cooking, but I don't anymore because it turns into such a grind when there are people expecting to be fed 3 meals a day. Thank god my husband is not a loser, and can take on his share of this. He can't menu plan or navigate a supermarket for toffee, but he can and does get the meals on the table during the long stretches where I just can't face the grind of it anymore.

I much prefer to do the occasional lawn mowing and diy too. I'm also much better at diy than my husband. However it's a team effort not a piss-take. It gets a lot harder when there are children to care for and raise. You have been warned OP. Please consider the recurring message PPs are giving you.

Second word is "off".

Then "Do great to continue this pregnancy?" . Not forgetting that if you continue with it you will have to put up with this s..t for another 18+ years!

Is this the life you really want? If not end it all tonight.

@KatieBenoiteee it is not for
him to invite people round and expect you to cook, I’d leave them to it. I’d consider leaving him full stop; he sounds awful.

If he's so culturally traditional and masculine that he can't possibly cook, I fear this doesn't bode well for him doing his share of caring for a baby.