To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

its not fair on you to do all this in your first trimester. You need to avoid stress in those first few weeks. You’ll only just be 12 weeks then, tell him it’s not safe to be stressed and he should be looking after you. Can they book a delivery from a local restaurant, or go to a local pub? Wishing you luck.

Oh gosh, this sounds like him showing his true colours.
He is not sensitive to your feelings and when you point out the potential overwhelm, you're spoiling things for him.
I'm so sorry, OP, this is a shit situation.
Like others have said, have Christmas with your parents, where they will look after you. He needs to know he can't be taking you for granted like this.

Help with the cleaning up?? It’s his cleaning up and his cooking to do! If you help him with it, it’s kind of you.

Honestly, I would change your mind about going to your family and change your mind about the relationship.

It’s a sign of things it come, and as so often is the case, it’s started when you’re pregnant!

Why do you have to do the cooking?
Do you always do the cooking?

If you want to cook, then you cook an English dinner. Its madness trying to cook a cuisine you don't know how to cook while the rest of them sit around.

If you don't want to cook, then let him sort out the food.

Personally I wouldn't want to spend my Christmas time off work with strangers speaking in another language in my home.

IMHO you should think very carefully about a future with this man.

Sure, he can have a traditional Xmas, by doing all the shopping and cooking himself.

No one has you over a barrel. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

I agree with PP who said go to your parents. Let him host his cousin in your home.

As he invited them, he should be doing the cooking, shopping and organising.
If he won’t, then I suggest you LTB as he’s got a cheek.

In a normal relationship, your family would cook when your family hosts and his family will cook when his family hosts. He has invited them, he is the host as it's side of the family, he cooks.

However, that aside, this relationship is going nowhere because you have completely different cultures and he is not willing to compromise. I would advise you to move out, end the relationship and let him have the freedom of a single person to invite who he wants to his house.

This has to be one of the troll wind up Mumsnet posts. It's ticking so many boxes. The OP is super aware of why it's unreasonable, yet is unable/unwilling to do anything different+ pregnancy. Guaranteed to be a Reddit thread laughing about this one

Now he’s invited them he’s expecting me to put on a whole spread of their traditional Christmas dishes.

Fuck that. Presumably he has hands and as cooking grant require milk ducts or vaginas he can deal with the consequences of his actions.

I don’t have a bloody clue where to start and can’t find any English recipes.

not your problem.

I’ll also have to make up sleeping areas for them etc etc.

not your problem.

I’ve only got Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off and it will be constant work.

if it is it’s your partner’s work, not yours.

I’ve got visions of me slaving away in the kitchen whilst they are all eating (and probably criticising the inevitably crap food between themselves) and getting drunk.

why would you allow/enable that?

i will be completely lost cooking their food, it will be several different dishes he is expecting and I will be overwhelmed.

avoid this by not doing it.

Not to mention I’m 5 weeks pregnant so might be feeling tired etc by Christmas.

not too late to disentangle yourself from this arsehole.

You give your partner the hardest no you can muster and don't even think about changing your mind. No decent man would expect you to do all the work for his guests when you don't even want to host them.

Yes. He’s a lazy boorish bully and he’s getting away with it. Is this what you imagined when you daydreamt of man you’d have a baby with?Really…
Did you think When I grow up I want to be with a boorish bully who won’t cook. A boorish bully who has forgotten activities of daily living.

It is called weaponised incompetence. Pretend cannot do a task, or do it so badly that the other person is compelled to intervene. It’s a strategic choice.

But you cooked?

No he hasn't. Tell him fine, he's cooking.
Think hard about how your life will be with him - in a year, in five years... ten...

I had this once, because MIL was a fabulous cook.

After a few years, I got DH to make his own Christmas dinner and it was charred black all over and total crap. I said nothing critical at all and he ate it in silence.

Ever since then we've had absolutely lovely Christmas lunches with just normal food and everybody keeps their thoughts to theirselves on all sides.

I still think I get the prize though for the year when I screwed up the tesco delivery and got 14 bottles of persil liquid and a bag of potatoes delivered on Christmas eve. Classic.

Wrong thread maybe??? 🤔

Another one! WTF? For the second time this evening - what is it with these relationships?

I haven’t read any updates but tell him in no uncertain terms that you won’t be spending your Christmas cooking a lot of unfamiliar dishes and if he wants to do it, that’s up to him.

How he responds will tell you everything you need to know. Listen.

This is not even close to how healthy relationships work. If you accept this now, where do you think you will be down the line?

@KatieBenoiteee ooh girl. Sweetheart. Woman. Ma’am!! 😑 Please just have an abortion and break up with this toilet of a man. You’re in an abusive relationship. You’re only 5 weeks along. Get an abortion and don’t get trapped. The universe and your female ancestors are begging you. PLEASE. 💐

We moved house last week to find the windows need updating they are absolutely shocking . Thick black mould on the seals the seals have gone , the handles are dodgy and don’t close . The radiators are ancient and need upgrading . The garage door collapsed when we arrived with the removals we wanted to put some items in and the house has signs of black mould on the wallpaper

we paid for a level 2 survey at £600

He asked them without running it by you first?

Your partner sounds like a real catch. It is understandable that he wants to enjoy some of his own traditions and dishes at Christmas but unreasonable to dictate that you should prepare them. It was rude of him and his friends to talk in front of you, in a language you don't speak, if they can all speak English. However, it gives another reason why you shouldn't plan to spend Christmas with them. I'm sure they can bring some food with them to help with catering, so your partner can have his traditional Christmas, but you should go to your parents and enjoy being looked after in your pregnancy.

Most decent men,swing into action when their partner is pg. Protecting you & baby and maintaining your maternal health and unborn baby becomes their priority. Decent men don’t plan laborious tasks,stressful events and drama for their pg partner. Decent men step up,unasked, and relieve you of stress and drama.

You have got a big problem. He’s like this now, he’ll only get worse
Get some advice. Plan to safely exit. Delete and internet searches
Consider a ToP

So have you agreed to this?
no way id be doing it. He sounds awful

Well can he hire a caterer if he doesn’t want to cook? Then you can have a relaxed time

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Let’s hope the petulant entitled man child you are already parenting manages to cope with sharing his space and your time and attention with the new baby. Don’t expect him to pitch in, I expect he will explain to you soon that in his culture men don’t do basic childcare.

Tell him if his friends come for Christmas then he will be responsible for them ( cooking, sleeping arrangements, entertaining,) and that you will be enjoying your Christmas break with a box of quality street ( or an upgrade) and the best binge watching that Christmas tv can provide.

How has he got you over a barrell? Fine to have his traditional Christmas, but of course you don't need to cook it! His mum can tell him what to do if he wants the food of his childhood.

Woman up and let him know that you won't be doing the cooking - put your foot down now, before you end up doing absolutely everything for your baby, because he can't change a nappy, as in his country men know that their testicles will fall off if they touch a nappy.

And tell him you're tired with the pregnancy, so start taking rests whenever you need to/feel like some me time, so he gets the message that you're no longer at his beck and call.

As others have said, if he flat out refuses to cook on Christmas Day, just go ahead with your MandS spread, or go to your parents.

He can go to his cousin place if he will only eat his traditional Christmas food, prepared by a woman.