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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

660 replies

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:13

My partner is from another country. His only relative in this country is a cousin who lives with her partner and his brother. In the 3 years we’ve been together I only met her once as she always cancelled meet-ups last minute.

We did meet a few weeks ago, the partner and brother came with and we all went out. They were pleasant enough but spoke their own language a lot (which is understandable but at times I was excluded) and the cousin’s partner made a condescending comment about my job.

My partner has now invited them all to ours for Christmas dinner and I’m dreading it. We’re trying to save for a house and I had already declined to go to my family for Christmas to take away pressure of buying presents etc and I thought we’d have a cosy day. I’ve never cooked a Christmas dinner before so I was going to order some sort of M&S package which has all the necessary ingredients with trimmings etc and was going to bung that in the oven and maybe make a pudding. I had a nice image of us having a cosy day together and watching films etc.

Now he’s invited them he’s expecting me to put on a whole spread of their traditional Christmas dishes. I don’t have a bloody clue where to start and can’t find any English recipes. I’ll also have to make up sleeping areas for them etc etc. I’ve only got Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off and it will be constant work. I’ve got visions of me slaving away in the kitchen whilst they are all eating (and probably criticising the inevitably crap food between themselves) and getting drunk. I will be completely lost cooking their food, it will be several different dishes he is expecting and I will be overwhelmed. Not to mention I’m 5 weeks pregnant so might be feeling tired etc by Christmas.

AIBU to tell them no and we either visit them or we have Christmas just us? He says I’m being miserable but he has absolutely no intention of helping with cooking as it hates it. In his country they are quite traditional and they will all show up to the house expecting me to have cooked and I’m feeling a lot of pressure. His argument is we’ve had a British Christmas every year at my parents which is fair enough and I’m completely supportive if he wants a Christmas eating his own culture etc, and I’d be delighted to join. But I can’t be expected to do the bloody cooking for it

OP posts:
localbutterfly · 02/11/2025 23:38

He shouldn't have invited them without discussing it with you in advance and the two of you agreeing. Even if he had and you did agree, though, he should be doing the cooking and making up of beds, etc., asking you for "help" if needed.

TheAutumnalCrow · 02/11/2025 23:36

Gilgogirl · 02/11/2025 23:29

What kind of food are you talking about

Show quote history

It’s usually stuffed dumplings and soup and a fish dish and a paprika noodle dish and/or stew and meats and bread and various cakes.

It’s a shared task, though.

Sally2791 · 02/11/2025 23:34

Get out now!

awkwardasfuck · 02/11/2025 23:34

I say this as someone who doesn’t celebrate Xmas but makes an effort to cook a xmas meal for my husband and guests but I like doing so. Its not Turkey but usually a fish course, game, dessert and cheese. I do ot because its fun. He cooks with me and we share the fun and work.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2025 23:32

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:22

He even said something along the lines of “I’m really looking forward to this Christmas. I know you’ll be a bit on the outside but it’ll be nice to see them”

What on earth are you doing??

Open your eyes - now!

awkwardasfuck · 02/11/2025 23:32

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:19

It just doesn’t seem fair that I’ve been roped into this but he’s got me over a barrel because he’s had a British Christmas with my parents the last few years and thinks it’s time we had a traditional Christmas for him which is fair enough. But then I’m having to do the cooking, I don’t know where to start.

I will feel like a hired caterer (a very crap, incompetent one)

Edited

Tell him he is cooking if he wants specific things. If you're cooking, you're cooking what you can be bothered to cook at 5 weeks prg and hosting (outsourcing M&S shove in the oven and still tasty)

Put your foot down girl.

Agapornis · 02/11/2025 23:32

If he's like this now, he'll be far, far worse once you're 9 months pregnant or when you have a young baby. He'll be a terrible, sexist, misogynist father.

Have an abortion (but don't tell him, say it was a miscarriage if he asks).
Move back in with your parents.

TheAutumnalCrow · 02/11/2025 23:30

tara66 · 02/11/2025 23:21

OP surely there are some Polish food shops in UK where your DP can order these special dishes already made/ pre prepare that can be delivered?

Yup, there’s loads of Polish, Hungarian and Romanian supermarkets, minimarts, delicatessens and online shops in the UK that do ready meals and prepped stuff to order.

Either in store, click & collect or delivery.

The DP could easily order it.

Gilgogirl · 02/11/2025 23:29

BluntPlumHam · 02/11/2025 20:22

Can you not go spent Christmas with his family? He can then have all the ‘dishes’ he wants.

Show quote history

What kind of food are you talking about

Helena39 · 02/11/2025 23:27

My husband is British, I am not. We live in England. We have the traditional English Christmas but I always cook some traditional food from my country. I would never ask him to cook recipes from my country, it would not be fair.
Speaking in their own language around you is rude as hell.
And to invite people over for Christmas without speaking with you first, that is out of order.

CharlieEffie · 02/11/2025 23:26

He invited them without consulting you. If he wantd traditional dishes from his own country than he can cook them
And as for all talking in their own language whilst you are there, that's just bloody rude

TeatimeForTheSoul · 02/11/2025 23:26

If having his traditional Christmas is so important, if he starts now, there is plenty of time for him to find an appropriate restaurant and either book it, or arrange to have the dishes delivered. Restaurants did this during the pandemic. That would mean he would be treating his pregnant partner well at Christmas by giving her rest and food as a Christmas present as well as introducing their foetus to his heritage … win-win … do you get where I’m coming from 😉

Original poster
KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 23:25

Franjipanl8r · 02/11/2025 23:09

There’s no way I’d cook a meal for guests that consisted of food from their home country. If that’s what they want to eat, they need to bring dishes and your partner needs to cook.

Exactly. I told him I was being set up to fail

OP posts:
LeftBoobGoneRogue · 02/11/2025 23:25

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:22

He even said something along the lines of “I’m really looking forward to this Christmas. I know you’ll be a bit on the outside but it’ll be nice to see them”

What a CF he is!

Original poster
KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 23:24

Thank you everyone for the advice. I’ve had stern words. I’m making a curry for everyone as I like curry, make a lovely curry and am comfortable making it. He will prepare a traditional side dish himself. Not going to do the classic English Christmas dinner as I’m not comfortable doing that for 5 people for my first time

OP posts:
VeganStar · 02/11/2025 23:22

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:21

I’ve ruined our night apparently as he was talking to me reminiscing about childhood Christmases and was going on about dishes he can’t wait for me to cook and I said I felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it. I’ve “ruined his mood and ruined our night”

He’ll get over it. Don’t give in.

How dare he invite them without talking to you first.

Especially as he expects you to do all the cooking.

As I said don’t give in then this way you won’t be setting yourself up for future christmases where he’ll invite all and sundry with you doing all the cooking plus looking after the kids.

Remind him that we’re living in 2025 and not the 50s. Does he expect you to clean the kitchen up afterwards as well.

Nip this in the bud now.

tara66 · 02/11/2025 23:21

OP surely there are some Polish food shops in UK where your DP can order these special dishes already made/ pre prepare that can be delivered?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 02/11/2025 23:21

That's a NO from me. He invited them, he cooks. If he refuses, you go to your parents.

Gilgogirl · 02/11/2025 23:21

KatieBenoiteee · 02/11/2025 20:13

My partner is from another country. His only relative in this country is a cousin who lives with her partner and his brother. In the 3 years we’ve been together I only met her once as she always cancelled meet-ups last minute.

We did meet a few weeks ago, the partner and brother came with and we all went out. They were pleasant enough but spoke their own language a lot (which is understandable but at times I was excluded) and the cousin’s partner made a condescending comment about my job.

My partner has now invited them all to ours for Christmas dinner and I’m dreading it. We’re trying to save for a house and I had already declined to go to my family for Christmas to take away pressure of buying presents etc and I thought we’d have a cosy day. I’ve never cooked a Christmas dinner before so I was going to order some sort of M&S package which has all the necessary ingredients with trimmings etc and was going to bung that in the oven and maybe make a pudding. I had a nice image of us having a cosy day together and watching films etc.

Now he’s invited them he’s expecting me to put on a whole spread of their traditional Christmas dishes. I don’t have a bloody clue where to start and can’t find any English recipes. I’ll also have to make up sleeping areas for them etc etc. I’ve only got Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off and it will be constant work. I’ve got visions of me slaving away in the kitchen whilst they are all eating (and probably criticising the inevitably crap food between themselves) and getting drunk. I will be completely lost cooking their food, it will be several different dishes he is expecting and I will be overwhelmed. Not to mention I’m 5 weeks pregnant so might be feeling tired etc by Christmas.

AIBU to tell them no and we either visit them or we have Christmas just us? He says I’m being miserable but he has absolutely no intention of helping with cooking as it hates it. In his country they are quite traditional and they will all show up to the house expecting me to have cooked and I’m feeling a lot of pressure. His argument is we’ve had a British Christmas every year at my parents which is fair enough and I’m completely supportive if he wants a Christmas eating his own culture etc, and I’d be delighted to join. But I can’t be expected to do the bloody cooking for it

pack your bags and leave. Is he kidding.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 02/11/2025 23:15

Does his 'culture' celebrate Christmas?

thecomedyofterrors · 02/11/2025 23:15

He sounds dreadful. You can do better.

he can cook and host and clear up and prepare beds. I would go to see your family for lunch and the evening, but if you must stay with him and his relatives- who no doubt you won’t understand, make your plan to stay out of the kitchen.

TheAutumnalCrow · 02/11/2025 23:15

FatBottomGirlz · 02/11/2025 22:55

This has to be one of the troll wind up Mumsnet posts. It's ticking so many boxes. The OP is super aware of why it's unreasonable, yet is unable/unwilling to do anything different+ pregnancy. Guaranteed to be a Reddit thread laughing about this one

Maybe the Reddit bros will freak out at the idea of women in the UK being able to access abortions to disentangle themselves from crap men, and <horror!> encourage each other to do so when the circumstances call for it.

Franjipanl8r · 02/11/2025 23:09

There’s no way I’d cook a meal for guests that consisted of food from their home country. If that’s what they want to eat, they need to bring dishes and your partner needs to cook.

Noiamnotalison · 02/11/2025 23:08

Why does he have you over a barrel because he’s had a British Christmas with your parents . He didn’t cook it did he?

TiredCatLady · 02/11/2025 23:07

Do not have a child with this man.

He’s shown you who he is. Now is the time to run.

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