To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

I have an idea what country he’s from by the hints and I can tell you now I wouldn’t be doing it. My family are from a central European country and no way would I be making specialty Christmas dishes if I hadn’t made them before. You are pregnant and you need to relax. Good on you for standing your ground.

We have Eastern European family members. I will turn my hand to most cuisines and I am a confident cook, and I was perfectly happy to do fish for Christmas Dinner but they were utterly aghast I didn’t fancy keeping a live carp in the bath and ceremonially dispatching it on Christmas Eve. Apart from anything else, we live in a terraced house with one bathroom! And carp tastes like pond water. The compromise was a salmon starter and then something a bit less daunting for main. It looks like you’ve found a good compromise too.

Bear in mind the level of unpaid work you do and keep up awareness that you both do equal amounts. Dont fall for any bullshit of him ‘helping’; he’s either a fully fledged adult sharing the unpaid work or he’s expecting you to be a service human.
Do the same when the baby is born; mKe sure he spends lots of time doing the grind and learning to settle him/her to sleep so you/he doesn't fall into the trap of ‘ baby prefers you so you do it. ‘.

Reading this made me nervous about your future with this man. He dictates to you. Your life together is a negotiation, it's not husband telling little wifey what to do. It makes me nervous that you are having a baby with him. I would strongly advise you to seek couples counselling with someone competent if you want to stay with him. I understand if you don't want to leave but I can see this domineering behaviour continuing if not addressed now. He will use his culture as an excuse every time.

His family excluding you by speaking a different language needs to stop now.

My advice if you were my friend would be to leave, honestly.

Ask him what he's planning to cook for his guests.

This is exactly what I think.
OP is going to be the bad guy on Christmas day no matter what she does.
Go home to your family and let him get on with it.

Actions have consequences...he invited so he can entertain and host. The golden boy can recreate all his precious Christmas memories and relive them with his family himself. Perfect 😃 👍 (although we know when he's landed with the work he won't actually want to do it after all) happy to throw u under a bus tho. Bodes very badly for future.

You really have picked the wrong man to have a baby with. Like, really really bad choice.

It’s not too late, that’s all I’m saying. You need a serious think about the life you want, the parenting you want, and the example you want set for your child. This is the wrong man. And he won’t change. So…

Possibly, but who says OP can't be a loving, successful single parent?

The fact you use the term 'bangmaid' tells me everything I need to know (I had to google). Do you not see how deeply misogynistic that is?

Oh, please.

This utter shitshow is not remotely a good place to bring a new human into.

He’s an abusive misogynist who clearly has zero respect for OP; she’s a bangmaid for him and his friends.

it would be reprehensible to saddle anyone with him as their father.

Not sure that's a helpful comment 🥴

"Yeah, and you've ruined my fucking life. Bye."

Absolutely this🎯 ... A million times over.

The reason it feels so wrong to you is because it is. Total mick take. If you do all the work he will sit back and relax with his family. If u say anything at all contrary, you will be the bad guy/moan/fun sponge.

Stay a million miles away from this disaster in the making.

Utterly disappointed in the posters that are suggesting OP aborts or who are saying she hasn't thought her pregnancy through. None of us know the background here.

Clearly this is a highly challenging and emotional time for her and these questions/statements are cruel and clearly not designed to be helpful. The OP may well choose to do that (and luckily in this country she has the option to do so), but it isn't for random posters online to judge her and recommend a drastic step at a time of distress.

😂 Got to love a bit of gaslighting thrown in with the misogyny. How nice was he cooking Christmas dinner for you and your family?! Yeah…bet that didn’t happen. Why the hell would you do that? It’s his turn and he invited them. Stand your ground now because it’s not looking great. Set your boundaries and don’t allow him to gaslight you on this. He cooks and shops for his friends. Period. If he doesn’t want to they don’t come. Personally if I were you I’d take myself off to my own family where I’d actually be appreciated and not rudely excluded and expected to act as a kitchen wrench

Well, you've been told in no uncertain terms that you have hitched your wagon to a misogynist, abusive twat, and you still have your fingers in your ears while you shout lalala!

I'm sorry you are so determined to bring an innocent child into this complete horror show. Children really do deserve better of their parents.

There is still time to rethink your choices, although it's very clear you have no intention of doing so. It just feels really sad to read about.

Ding ding ding

nailed it

OP you have written:

• He and family speak own language and leave you out- rude
• Invited them for Xmas dinner and did not discuss with you first and also he acknowledged you would be left out a bit due to language - so makes no effort to include you? - your job will be just to prepare the food, make up beds and host his guests....like an unpaid skivvy
• you work and are pregnant but he still thinks it is your responsibility to make Christmas dinner - for his guests he inivted with out consulting you and make up the beds...
• His argument is your parents made Christmas dinners in the past now you should- no - he should for his guests or by his argument he should cook as your family have previously cooked for him. It's his turn.
• He argues because he does DIY or mows the lawn a couple of time a year you should do all the cooking etc...not equal work

Does he help daily with house work, cooking, admin?
It will not get any better OP.
Now imagine when you have a newborn, or back at work with a small child - do you think he will help with the child? You will be expected to work, keep house, do admin, look after the children, host his relatives.

If your friend told you this about her relationship what would you say to her?

Read all the chorus of unanimous posts OP...all saying you deserve better.

I’m sorry but you need to abort, dump him and exponentially raise your standards.

How desperate for companionship could one be, to put up with this disrespectful, abusive, arrogant arsehole??? Do you really feel that you have no other options for how to spend your one and only life???

This alone is so rude and a sign of what you can expect on Christmas Day. Selfish and rude of him not to consult you about plans for the 25th and beyond sexist and lazy to expect you to cook his country's food for these people who clearly can't be bothered to make an effort with you.

I can’t believe he invited people for Christmas without running it by you first, and then expecting you to do all the cooking. Make sure he does all the prep - the cleaning, the shopping, and making up the beds. Honestly, in your shoes, I’d go home and leave him to it. He’d only do it once - and make sure you’re not conforming to some trad wife stereotype just because he wants it, if you’re not comfortable with it.

This is not a Christmas problem. Its a lifetime of him expecting you to do things he wants because he wants to impress his family. I am British Asian Christian. My ' traditional' Christmas dinner takes about 3 days to prepare. I haven't had one in years as no one really bothers anymore. I don't do any roast dinners let alone Christmas as Im terrible at them and can't get the timings right. My MIL makes a cats bum face when I point to her son every time she asks about roasts/ Christmas dinner but tough really. Eat all your dinner hot at the same time or get me to do it. I peel potatoes and take leaves off sprouts in front of the telly.

I read the first five pages or so. They were (rightly IMO) full of people telling the OP that if her husband wanted his traditional national dishes, he did the cooking. I couldn't see the OP explaining anywhere why he couldn't cook, just more of what he expected from her. OP, is there a reason your husband can't/won't cook? In general terms, are you happy being the person who does all the cooking? With a baby on the way, are you happy more generally with how household chores are split between you? If not, now's the time to address it, not wait until the baby's arrived.

I'll add my voice to the chorus of "if he wants his traditional meals for his family who he invited, he does the cooking".

@KatieBenoiteee End your relationship now. This will not be an isolated disagreement and it will only get worse.

First of all, if you live with someone, it’s not ok to invite people to stay without asking the other person - he should have consulted you.

Secondly, why is it you doing the cooking, sorting sleeping arrangements, etc? Tell him absolutely no way you’re doing all of that and he can do it himself as it was him who invited them.

End it now or end it in 20 years. After he’s wrecked your life