To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

Are you scared of him? You sound remarkably passive and resigned to your fate. You are obviously and understandably worried about cooking a full Christmas dinner from another country, but you don't sound really angry that he has invited his cousin and her partner with no consultation and expects you to do all the cooking.

What would he do if you take the advice of posters on here and just refuse to do the cooking? I think you should just go to your parents house and leave him and his relatives to it.

He sounds so vile, get out now this will never last

It is actually bizarre expecting you to cook a spread for his family. Especially when you have no clue. Is he generally a wanker?

He has absolutely not got you over a barrel over this.

Did he do all or even any of the work for the British Christmas?

Put your foot down. Tell him he can do all the work. This level of pressure is simply not fair on you. Please stand up for yourself.

Put your foot down and tell him no.

I missed this...

This reminds me of a now older Indian colleague (she'd be in her 70s now) .

She was married off as a young girl, moved into the family (husbands) home, where here mother-in-law essentially retired from any domestic stuff as she was burnt out of being the family 'slave'.

She said her husband and his brothers would return from temple and bring any number of last minute guests and expect my 17 year old colleague to provide them with a multi course feast.

She was roundly criticised if the many dishes failed to live up to her expectations....

This was probably the mid 1960s Asian family.

My poor lovely colleague was utterly miserable at her appalling treatment.

Please don't be an English version of her!

You DO HAVE CHOICES HERE...

He doesn't have you over a barrel. You aren't saying that you won't eat a traditional Christmas dinner from his country. You are saying that you don't know how to cook it so you won't cook it. If you had made him cook a traditional British Christmas dinner, he would have a point. You didn't, so he hasn't.

He sounds sexist and controlling. I agree with posters telling you to bin him.

Oh my god
I really hope this isn't true , people sometimes post rubbish to get people all het up ..
If it's true ,I'm so sorry .but this will be better how it is about everything from now on ..he's showing his true colours how he feels about women ...and it's you serving him and his family .
You still have time to leave if that is not how you want your life to go .
Why are you not horrified at his expectations of a woman

We are a very established Anglo-European couple too...

Any of his 'home country' dishes that I cook... Ive picked up over decades... I enjoy eating them and it feels no pressure .. I will sometimes cook them for regular, everyday meals.

Any serious celebration type food from his country... He prepares and cooks...

Also I'm lucky my Oh isn't a sexist knob!

Possibly not, but sometimes it's better for an OP to hear the truth rather than have people keep tiptoeing around her and suggesting her parents come and do her misogynist husband's cooking for him etc.

If it were just the OP involved, I might have expressed myself more tactfully. But she is proposing to bring a child into this shitshow, and that is extremely unfair. Either she stays with this man and the child is raised by a bullying misogynist, or she sees sense and leaves him and the child starts their life without a father.

Either way, she is deliberately inflicting an adverse life event on her unborn child because she is still trying to tiptoe around this man. Compromising with a curry, for goodness' sake!

Also... Who says as you've had British type Christmases previously you should want to host his type of yule....

Also.... Does he EVER cook/do his share of housework?

I absolutely absolutely wouldn't be doing this.... In any world...!!

For several reasons..

1. Any usual UK woman is a feminist (I hope you are too!) You are NOT his domestic slave... You are his partner /wife?

How in earth would he expect you to 'know' all the details of preparing these dishes which you may have not even tried before.

2.It also sets up the expectation that you should WANT to do this annually. And probably many times in between.

3.You've met them once... And it was very rude to converse in their own language when the host can't understand.

4.You'll be in the first trimester of pregnancy with HIS child.... You may well be being very pukey by then...

1. you've only got a limited time 'off', this will be spent worrying /shopping and cooking these dishes... It will be sod all break for you... You'll return to work knackered... Where he'll have had a nice time eating /drinking with his family. And you haven't even the reward of sparkling fun company... Stilted /no conversation...

6.as you say, it reduces you to a role of hired, unpaid caterer.

These are just a few of the reasons I feel you should say 'no' ans loudly...

Ask him to cancel for a relaxed couple time... If he won't do this... Go to your friends /parents...!!

Tbh I’d change the plan and go to your folks.
You are pregnant. It wil be familiar. They will take care of you.

if you host at your own home because he has invited people then he needs to do the hosting. Ie the cooking and the cleaning.

he did not think it thru properly before inviting people. Tell him to uninvite, change the venue or accept he is doing the cooking.

I think you both doing meals is a relatively good compromise in the circumstances. However, the main thing (out of several) I would be concerned about is his changing your plans. Presumably you both discussed and decided to have a quiet Christmas together? And then he unilaterally decided (with no input from you) to completely alter those plans and then gets snippy when you say you are not happy about it. I would have been livid and probably cancelled. You really need to be clear with him that this is not acceptable, unless you are happy to play second fiddle for the rest of your relationship, and decisions that affect you and your family must be agreed together. Tough sh*t if he is from another culture, you are from your culture and he will have to learn that. All relationships have tricky areas which is why communication is the key.

Also, hoping having his family turns out to be enjoyable, but, if it isn't or if it ends up all on you (likely), I would make it very clear you won't be doing it again, early doors, and to aske him not to invite them again without your say so. I wouldn't be starting a tradtion that he wants but you don't.

Don’t support this outrage! She should scarper for good, and asap, as this family will bring nothing good into her life.
They are setting her up to fail with the unfamiliar cuisine, and all that day his damn cousin will be belittling her in a foreign language though both she and this ghastly boyfriend obviously speak English.

If any festive meal from their culture is going to be offered, it should be they who host! Fancy plonking your demands for your old favourites onto one who's never attempted such dishes. Dreadful lack of basic manners.
Their general rudeness and entitlement is off the scale, and indicative of future married life: HIS family will always take precedence over any wife.

I think a PP was spot on: there are men (and this lot sound typical of such a cultural attitude) who view an early first pregnancy the way a cowboy sees a steer he’s just lassoed.
Next step is branding (wedding ring), and intensive breaking of the will and the spirit. Then a life as a beast of burden.

Please, OP. I’d reconsider that pregnancy most urgently, and I’d skedaddle home to my parents, stat. This relationship is faulty.

When people tell you who they are believe them the first time.

I feel for you OP because I suspect this isn't going to end well.

Please do not give up work after you have a baby.

Be very careful about money/security/rent/mortgage. you are not married to him.

All of us older women on here can see the red flags waving madly. And it isn't coincidental that he started this shit once you are pregnant.

be very careful here. I wonder what your parents think of it all.

It’s tricky as it is totally fair you should get to try his country’s customs and food etc for the holidays. My family blended polish and British Christmas into one three day holiday starting with all the fish and pickles and fishy egg crap in aspic on Christmas Eve, then Father Christmas comes both days.

what is crazy is them expecting you to cook their foods you have never tried before. Nobody wins. So - suggest since you are pregnant you cannot stand the smell of the dishes without vomiting. Then suggest instead of messing up the meal, you book a restaurant that offers that cuisine for a day before or after Christmas. Then have Xmas day alone and if they want to come to you for Boxing Day or new years do that.

or simply say you’d rather they come for New Year’s Day feast instead so no pressure to provide anything out of your comfort zone.

This is your last Christmas before there's a baby/child's needs to consider. You go to your parents and he can cook for his relatives at yours. What a guy...!

Ok this can be easily resolved: make like Jamie Oliver and do the majority of the prep work in the 36 hours before the celebration, so that on the day actual, it's just a matter of timing to pull everything together.

I know that it shouldn't be on you and that you're pregnant (whispering congrats!), but when you dated and subsequently married this man, it sounds like you were aware that he comes from a patriarchal culture and that he's an unwilling/rubbish cook.

You say that you can't find the recipes in English - again this is easily resolved - put them into google translate.

Celebrate the fact that you have the chance to celebrate Christmas with delicacies from a different country. Surely you'll want to incorporate elements of both parents' Christmas/holiday traditions with your child(ren), so this is just a practice run??

And lastly, ask cousin to bring a pudding.

Big. Red. Flag. 🚩
He is showing you who he is.
🏃‍♀️💨

Why are you having a baby with this man?

Refuse to host and refuse to cook. You’re not a maid! He's invited them - HE should cook.

Why has he invited people back who were condescending to you? I wouldn’t have them back in my house.

I’d really be questioning my future with a man like this.

What if you are too nauseous and fatigued to open the fridge let alone cook a curry? What if that lasts months? Will he cook for and arrange Christmas and also shop and prepare food for you for that time if it’s necessary? Will he make you healthy food and bring you unhealthy snacks and lots of drinks while you’re breastfeeding? Will he be gracious and understanding if you can’t face sex for months because of pain? Will he take turns to get up every hour or two with a waking crying baby and be kind and gentle when he does? Will he share the never ending extra life admin and housework that a child entails? Will he cook for the child? Will he patiently pick up and clean up after that child throws all that food on the floor? Will he look after that child and prioritise him or her if you get pregnant again and suddenly can’t be the main caregiver to a needy toddler? Will he put the effort in to maintain a relationship with you through all of that when most of what you do together is project management for a couple of years and you’re not available to pander to him?

Suggest that as you are all adults you go to a restaurant for dinner. At 6 weeks its common for morning sickness to really kick in and that can last awhile. Then leave him to the sleeping arrangements and most of the entertainment. Maybe go and see a friend Boxing Day, they are his relatives, not yours and he invited them without your say so.
I would really reconsider this relationship, although as you are already pregnant maybe to late.

I think probably the worst thing about this is that he acknowledges you will be “outside” (due to not speaking his language etc.) - treated as an outsider in your own home, on Christmas Day, when it is you doing the cooking and presumably waiting on these people while they effectively ignore you. That is pretty shitty IMO.

Oh god . My grandma used to do that with carp too on Christmas Eve. I forgot about the trauma of grabbing it out the bath.