To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

Not being unreasonable

But I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer ASAP because this tosser is living in the 18th century

Seems pretty simple: tell him you also "hate" cooking when it's a large complex meal with lots of things you're not used to making, so if he wants to eat, he can do it.

And maybe think about whether you want to raise a child with this man. Leaving might be easier if you do it before your child gets used to having him around.

But you’re not actually having to do the cooking OP.

Sure, he wants you to, but he can’t chain you to the stove. Tell him that it’s interesting he’s invited them for traditional Christmas dinner because there isn’t one that you are aware of. But if he’s wants to plan and cook one, you’re looking forward to enjoying it.

Of course why ever not! Op"s relatives will find fault with it. I know because a similar thing has happened to me. No matter how hard she will try it will never be the same as the food they remember from their childhood ect. I am saving her the trouble and she should stick to what she knows and is confident with. I am very happy to be saying this too!

Sounds like a good solution- well done.

Hi there Katie so glad you sorted things out with your DH sounds good to me.I think sometimes men are completely oblivious to practically everything and need some guidance.Anyway good luck to you both and your baby and I'm sure now you will have a lovely Xmas with the family.x

posted 02/11/2025 23:24

She posted this four hours after I made my comment!

??

No she posted two days before your comment

Maybe because they don't need doing two or three times a day?

Yes lovey, no problem but I've yet to hear persistent moaning and cataloguing by the ones cutting the lawn and doing the DIY. The adults see these tasks as things that need doing and get on with it, they don't waste time in SM complaining about how little time they have.

Do you really want to have a baby with this man? Think about it

Oh my god!!!!! Most mental comment!!!! Look everyone someone actually said it out loud

Can I ask what culture is it?

He could practice. It's still weeks away for him, and he isn't in the early stages of pregnancy.

@KatieBenoiteee he invited them, he can do all the organising tge bedding and food, its not your job to do that.

He doesn't care that you will be excluded or that YOUR holiday will be stressful and exhausting. Tell this selfish cockwomble he can do the cooking or order in takeaway if he doesn't want to cook. Remind him that you are pregnant and it's important for both you and the baby that you get to rest and relax. If he throws a strop tell him you need to avoid stress do will be going to your parent's.

Is it? We’re British but I leave the Sunday roasts to DH as he’s much keener on them than me.

You could practice? It's still weeks away... Learning to do a Sunday Roast is a major life skill (one on my proudest). Xmas lunch is basically just that... Good for you standing up for yourself though.

1 - if I go to stay with someone I want their culture and food, not a hash up of my own.
2 - its outrageous to suggest that this should all be on you. If he wants it, let him sort it out. "Trad" gender roles are fine... if it's what you both want. Doesn't sound like it here.
3 - he sounds like a d. You couldn't do better? I've seen too many women sink time into relationships like this that they then feel too invested in to fix, because fixing might mean ending... It seems like a little thing now, but what does it indicate about your future?

OP, he is being ridiculous, but also, the way you refer to 'their foreign food' and a 'foreign Christmas' is also a bit ridiculous. You've been married to this man for years, surely his culture can't be that 'foreign' to you. What will you do if you have kids if you're still referring to their dad's background as 'foreign?'

In normal circumstances, you could both have a go at doing this mysterious foreign food together surely? That's what most couples would do. If it's Eastern European, what is it - carp fish, potatoes, cabbage? If he knows the specifics, let him go shopping, lead the way with the cooking and you'll help out. I'm not sure what else there is to say?

Exactly right. He (you all) can have the traditional Christmas but he organises it, as you have done when you've had "your" Christmas.

I do hope you've discussed how household/family management will look once baby arrives.

No no no, don't do any of this.

And leave this loser, you'll be better off as a single parent.

He and his relatives have no respect for you whatsoever

One query, not for a moment departing from my view that if he wants a special meal he should plan, shop, prepare, cook, serve, and clear up, did we actually learn that he is Polish? Because if he is, the special meal should be on Christmas Eve. Which would be compatible with OP doing a lovely curry on Christmas day, and leave lots of delicious leftovers for days to come.

@KatieBenoiteee

Well done on having your boundary!!

Sounds like you have reached a suitable agreement. Other options would have been to order it in, go to a restaurant, etc.. agree he was a CF though, don’t bother trying to make a stew, but now it suits him, make a massive banquet for 5!! No joint discussion on it if and how it might be possible, just expected you to do it, and turn gaslit you when you expressed your concerns.

He can’t help the culture he’s from, but I do have my concerns about your future with him, especially once children are on the scene.

Sounds like you’re going to need many more firm boundaries, and some hard conversations now about parenting approaches, division of labour when you’re with a baby, etc..

He cooked enough to snare you under false pretences, now he has a woman to do it for him.

Good luck!!

She posted this four hours after I made my comment!

I hope that my post encouraged her to cook something she liked, rather than something that she felt under pressure to cook!