fell out with freinds gf i believe shes being controlling

from what I can understand,, I’ll try helping you out.

do you think it’s a serious relationship? Do you think they will stay together for a long time? In that case, it’s going to be difficult for you to end this relationship.

around how old are you? 14–16? 16–19? This helps to see whether it’s really going to be a serious relationship.. most of mine only lasted a couple weeks when I was 14.. Is there a big age gap? Or maturity gap? 15 and 17 is a major age gap and maturity gap..

try not writing anything on text as she might show her gf and then her gf will have a real reason to hate you..

talk with your friend, maybe by call or whatever.. and try telling her this isn’t right,etc.

im assuming this is a wlw relationship, so is she smitten with her gf? It’s harder for people to see sense then. Try provoking in a way her gf to see if she’ll yell at you in front of your friend and see if your friend changes her opinion on her..

wishing you the best, if there’s anything else I can help with I’d love to

mumsnet sometimes likes to put people down, I assume it’s because the text is mostly a block etc etc, try ignoring them and they’ll be disappointed they didn’t get a reaction. If someone wanted to help they would.

take care!

I'm not being smart, I'm actually curious, you're so convinced your confrontation plan is the best way to help your friend, I'm wondering if it has actually helped?
The fact that you won't answer seems to be an answer in itself.

I personally think there are better ways to support your friend, confronting their abuser is generally one of the worst things you can do in situations of genuine long term abuse. It's NOT the same as sticking up for a friend when someone insults them or belittles them on a night out, which would be perfectly acceptable, this seems to be a long term situation, and all it has done is given the GF the push they need to try and get rid of you completely from your friends life.

You should really contact a domestic abuse charity for guidance if you really want to salvage the situation and help your friend escape.

I can see that you are very angry about it and that you are trying your best to be a good friend which is lovely.
You wanted to help, it's gone awry, it's where to go from here.
Speak to your friend, explain that you love her and will always support her and be there to listen, but you can't be around her partner anymore and support what you feel is a toxic relationship. If she would like to meet up separately, you'll be very happy to do so and she can ring you anytime.
I would also do some self preservation and remember that if the partner feels threatened by you (even if she is pretending) she could throw some accusations out that might cause you a lot of issues.
You've had your say now, it's done and they know how you feel. Speak to your friend, then give it all some space. She'll come to you when she needs you.

There’s a lot of information online around coersive control and also cults. While you have meant well, your approach generally has the opposite effect (You’ve become the bad guy and the partner may well seek to isolate your friend more).

I have had a not dissimilar situation in my family. It is not about turning a blind eye at all. It’s about being a supportive, steady, rational influence, not feeding the drama, not putting someone in a position where they feel the need to choose sides and not getting involved in the relationship. It’s actually a harder path to take as you have to bite your tongue a lot!

When the person starts to truly recognise the situation they are in, it is you they will turn to. This worked for my family.

So how has your intervention helped?

Has it helped your friend?

I don't really know what you want from this post OP as you seem happy with your approach. You don't agree with the majority of the advice given here to stand back, and that's fine, but do you want opinions or advice or just somewhere to vent?
Nobody here is telling you to turn a blind eye, they are saying to stop intruding. There is a difference. You can absolutely be a support for your friend, but you can't insert yourself into a relationship and tell the couple what they can and can't do. Do you think a confrontation has done anything to help? Seems it hasn't. It's actually caused more issues.
Your friend is an adult (presumably). She has to be the one to make the decisions in her life. Be there for her by all means, but you've made her life more difficult now by causing a rift, not better. She's now in the middle of two people and will feel the need to pick sides, potentially making her more isolated.
You are entitled to dislike her partner and you are entitled to not want her in YOUR life. You can't tell your friend to feel the same way.

id say sitting back and saying nothingis selfish thats the issue i have with attitudes like yours

Your reading comprehension is terrible.

Interfering by confronting the abuser is the problem here, which is what I and plenty of people on here are saying, it will change nothing but make everything worse and also isolate your friend (as she may be forced to choose between you both.. which is unfair to them), it IS selfish as the outcome of your confrontation doesn't help your friend in any way, it just serves as an outlet for your frustration.

You need to support your friend, if your friend doesn't want anything to change and is willing to accept thing the way they are then there is nothing you can do, then you need to accept that you are always going to be a three, or go at this problem through your friend to see if she wants to change things with your help and encouragements.

You cannot change the things you have no control over.

But what do you think confronting her GF will actually achieve?

Change needs to come from your friend, no one else, you interfering in this way will only make it worse for your friend.

You are looking at this from a purely selfish point of view, which does make you sound on the young/immature side, plenty of people on here will have friends in abusive relationships.. confronting the abuser will do nothing I'm afraid, except maybe make You feel better, while give them ammunition to get rid of you which is what has happened.

People are advising to stay out of it, not because they don't think you should say anything, but because they know 100% it will not make the situation better, if anything it will make it worse.

Your friend is the one allowing this behaviour, you can't change that.

Agree. I dont find it too difficult to work out. I wonder if its the same people that cant understand accents too?

If someone really cant understand, then i think that probably better to just read another post and dont reply to the one you cant decipher.
Its so cringey and awkward when people take up so much space on a thread criticising an OP for that.

Chat GPT helped me understand what was going on. Here’s a summary for anyone else HTH.

Here’s a clear summary:

• There are three people involved:
• The original friend (the person telling the story).
• Their friend (who has been their friend for 4 years).
• That friend’s girlfriend.
• The issue is that ever since the friend got a girlfriend, the girlfriend always comes along whenever the two friends hang out — they almost never get one-on-one time.
• Recently, it got worse: whenever the girlfriend had other plans, she’d cancel them just so she could come along when the two friends arranged to meet up.
• The person telling the story finally spoke up and said something like:
• “It’s okay for me and my friend to spend time together without you sometimes.”
• The girlfriend got defensive and said, “We’re all friends — that’s why I come,” but the person clarified, “No, I’m friends with your girlfriend — we were friends before you came along.”
• Then the girlfriend turned things around — accusing the person of picking on her and badmouthing her other friends, which wasn’t true.
• To make it worse, she went and told people that the storyteller had said nasty things about others (things the girlfriend had actually said).
• Later, on a bus, the girlfriend acted scared to walk past the storyteller, pretending she was afraid they might hurt her — even though there’s never been any violence or threat.

So, in plain terms:
👉 The girlfriend seems controlling and manipulative, trying to isolate her partner and make the storyteller look like the bad guy.
👉 The storyteller tried to calmly set a boundary but got blamed and twisted around.
👉 The situation is emotionally unfair — the girlfriend is acting like the victim to g

AI has turned the op into English:

My friend and I have been close for about four years. She started dating her girlfriend a couple of years ago, and since then, we have only met up once without her girlfriend present.
I have always let this slide because I strongly dislike confrontation and knew that bringing it up would only open a can of worms. However, the situation has worsened over the last few weeks. If her girlfriend has plans with her own friends or family, she often cancels those plans just to join us when my friend and I try to make arrangements.
The Confrontation
Last Thursday, I finally decided to talk to her girlfriend about it. I explained that my friend and I should be able to make plans without her always being there.
Initially, she claimed she joined us because she considered us all friends. I clarified the situation, saying, "No, sorry, I am friends with your girlfriend. We were friends before you started dating. My friend should be able to spend time with her own friends without her partner constantly having to be present."
Accusations and Manipulation
She immediately became defensive. She accused me of picking on her and then falsely claimed I was bad-mouthing her friends.
In reality, she is the one who has been doing the bad-mouthing. For example, she said a couple she knows does not make a good pair, and she makes fun of the way one of them walks behind their back. However, she went back and told her friends that I was the one who said these things.
Playing the Victim
Today, she escalated the situation by playing the victim on the bus. I heard them both talking, but neither one of us spoke to the other. When they were getting off, she made a public display, trying to make it seem as if she was scared to walk past me, implying I might do something to her.
I did not even look at them; I only knew they were on the bus because I recognized their voices. I have never been violent, and she has never witnessed me being violent. Even when we had the argument last week, I did not verbally abuse or threaten her.

Your friend sounds like she's got a barrel load of trouble here.
I think she might have to endure some bad behaviour from the gf if this relationship is ended by her.

People on this site really have terrible reading comprehension. It isn't that difficult. The snarky bitches are the ones that need to go back to school.

Fuffing hell..I was reading it gabble - fashion..
It was all one paragraph.
From what I can understand from your post , the gf of your friend seems to be jealous of her spending anytime with you.

I think that her gf does sound a bit controlling, but i dont think any good will come out of you confronting her.

Hey if I'm not a dick you're certainly not a twonk 😂