Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and an ungrateful cow?

87 replies

Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 19:51

My mil has always done us a Christmas hamper.

Just to be clear we’ve never asked her for this and we are not hard up for food or anything like that but it was always a lovely welcome gesture. She’d put in some treats like a tub of chocolates, some hot chocolate, nice dips/sauces/chutney, crisps, biscuits, a few cooking sauces and a bottle of wine.

The past few years the hampers have gone really weird. It’s like she’s cleared out the back of her cupboards and there’ll be 10 tins of value/basics soup, a tin of corned beef/spam/tinned meatballs, a lot of the things are out of date with the record being something THREE YEARS out of date. Half used bottles of handwash and things that have clearly been regifted because they’re dirty/used.

Mil is not short of money.

I wouldn’t ever say anything to her, but aibu to feel it’s a bit of an insult giving us a hamper of out of date and weird random items?

OP posts:
Midgetgemsplease · 02/11/2025 23:02

ohyesido · 02/11/2025 19:53

Is she quite all right? My first thought was perhaps deteriorating health

My thoughts too

canklesmctacotits · 02/11/2025 22:47

it’s pretty funny thinking she might be tying herself into knots trying to get out of this tradition and settled on giving you shitter and shitter things until you beg for mercy 😂

What do you give her?

Maybe just let her off the hook, say it must take so much time putting these hampers together and you don’t know what to do with the baskets and really it’s fine to stop putting in so much effort now. A box of chocolates or a bottle of wine would be fine.

Sidebeforeself · 02/11/2025 22:43

Why are so many posters suggesting DH says something. OP could just say something too!

SkaneTos · 02/11/2025 22:41

Can you sit down with your husband and talk to him about it?
That you are concerned about his mother, and worried about her and her health.

SkaneTos · 02/11/2025 22:38

A person can be in her 60s, be very active and have a full life, and still show signs of dementia.

Ddakji · 02/11/2025 22:33

I agree with others that this raises concerns about her health, and people in their 60s who have active busy lives aren’t immune.

Ella31 · 02/11/2025 22:29

Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:13

She’s not a frail elderly woman she’s an active woman in her 60s with a very full life and her own business.

Show quote history

People dont have to be frail or elderly or reclusive to have something going with them neurologically, Op. I think it's very strange behaviour and worth noting.

Jamfirstest · 02/11/2025 20:30

In that case announce you are doing some wacky diet that just involves eating….i dunno organic carrots and nothing else and say you won’t be able to eat the food and not to worry about a hamper

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:23

One thing I didn’t add that is relevant.

We don’t live near mil, but will usually see her and fil over the Christmas period to exchange gifts so it could be between Xmas Eve and Boxing Day.

But mil will request that dh drives over to collect the hamper in the days leading up to Christmas so that we have got our hamper in time to enjoy it before Christmas.

It’s not even like she’s doing it to get dh to visit though, because she leaves it in the porch for him as mil and fil are usually out.

OP posts:
notaweddingdress · 02/11/2025 20:21

You don’t need to be grateful for an objectively shit and thoughtless gift but if I were you I’d probably just have a laugh about it. Your DH could talk to her and suggest she doesn’t need to go to the trouble etc etc but I wouldn’t take offence.

Lavenduhhh · 02/11/2025 20:19

It's really weird.

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:18

SilverPink · 02/11/2025 20:15

I think this, if it’s been going on 20 years. Maybe at first she enjoyed finding different food for the hamper and now she can’t really be bothered, but doesn’t know whether she can give you something different, or even what to get, so she just clears the basics out her cupboard the week before.

Show quote history

I missed that post.

It could well be that. She clearly used to go out choosing some nice items but maybe she has got fed up of doing it but doesn’t know how to stop the tradition.

OP posts:
SilverPink · 02/11/2025 20:15

Butterflywings84 · 02/11/2025 19:59

Has your DH not said anything to her? I think I would have made some sort of joke of “have you had a cupboard clear out mum”. Do you think maybe she is tired of doing them but now feels she has to keep it up - maybe suggest she doesn’t need to this year

I think this, if it’s been going on 20 years. Maybe at first she enjoyed finding different food for the hamper and now she can’t really be bothered, but doesn’t know whether she can give you something different, or even what to get, so she just clears the basics out her cupboard the week before.

TheAutumnalCrow · 02/11/2025 20:14

Maybe it’s eyesight. My DP can’t find or read BBE dates, I’m hopeless without my glasses, DSD can never find hers … we’re like a family of moles squinting and lost in a pantry.

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:13

RoseAlone · 02/11/2025 20:09

I would be more concerned about her health than not getting enough goodies

She’s not a frail elderly woman she’s an active woman in her 60s with a very full life and her own business.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:13

sounds very strange
she has got an odd idea from somewhere, perhaps she is donating the lovely foods to the food bank and giving you the less lovely foods?

Linenpickle · 02/11/2025 20:11

Can your dh ask your fil?

RoseAlone · 02/11/2025 20:09

I would be more concerned about her health than not getting enough goodies

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:09

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:06

did she know you werent grateful about the hampers and is now getting her own back
was it for Christmas and why did you get it early?

I’m not sure but I always personally said thank you before and commented that we had really enjoyed them so I wouldn’t say we were ungrateful.

I was just highlighting that we aren’t desperate for food where we needed 10 out of date tins. The hampers were a treat (or so I thought).

These hampers have been going on for 20 years but the past few years they have become weirder and weirder.

OP posts:
Sometimessmiling · 02/11/2025 20:08

ohyesido · 02/11/2025 19:53

Is she quite all right? My first thought was perhaps deteriorating health

Agree it was the first sign of my Nan being ill

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:06

Jamfirstest · 02/11/2025 20:01

Are you sure there arnt money issues? This sounds like she feels she has to keep this up. I hope she’s ok.

100% no money issues.

They are very well off, have property, assets, lots of holidays, house renovations.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:06

did she know you werent grateful about the hampers and is now getting her own back
was it for Christmas and why did you get it early?

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:04

what a shame

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/11/2025 20:04

Regift them back to her this Christmas..

Zov · 02/11/2025 20:04

Butterflywings84 · 02/11/2025 19:59

Has your DH not said anything to her? I think I would have made some sort of joke of “have you had a cupboard clear out mum”. Do you think maybe she is tired of doing them but now feels she has to keep it up - maybe suggest she doesn’t need to this year

This. ^ It's your husband's mother @Thimgsaregettingweird why is HE not saying something?

If she does carry on, just bin the stuff that's out of date, and give the other stuff to the food bank.

Swipe left for the next trending thread